This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Veronica and all, thanks for the feedback. I've copied/pasted it. Too many things to bring up to my doc. I'm beginning to feel such a hypochondriac. I think my neck is more important. So, I will only discuss that first with him - in September. Anyway, Veronica, when I mentioned the itchiness to my doc, he brushed it off and said it Was Normal. Something to do with sweat and heat. I'll just google and research on it online and find a happy medium.
FYI, I would never have thought it as being related to my nerves. All this time, I thought I was allergic to exercising. =)
LadeeM - thanks. That will do just fine.
I never watch reality shows, making money off of people's stupidity!
1. Never use tiny sex toys on Either body orifice - and I'm not talking about any orifices in the head. Do you know how many people go to the ER because their body's muscle automatically contracts and this movement Pushes the object IN or Up into their body?
2. You know in the movies, the love scene, where the woman is on top? They never ever show you the dangers of doing that. Don't they? Guess what? This can cause damage to the guy's manhood when the woman comes down the 'wrong' way. I know it wasn't funny, but I had to laugh on that. It seems, the guy didn't know that either!
It's 1130pm. Dad just woke up. He's confused and is getting mad because I haven't changed his pamper. I just finished changing it at 10pm. He doesn't remember is muttering angrily, "already!"
Is this a coincidence? I'm really really hoping it is. For the past couple of nights, late at night, like now, whenever I go to the kitchen (make sure all power outlets are off, wash any dishes in sink, or refill dad's 2 water jars), I get this really sharp pain on my left upper chest. At first, I kept thinking it's acid reflux. The longer I stayed in the kitchen, the worse the pain became. Then, the next 2 nights, I thought, 'Darn! This is because I'm not taking the Lipitor as I should!" So, I take the Lipitor the next day. Tonight, I forgot to take it. Really, I forgot because I spent hours reconciling the accounts.
Tonight, just now, I walked into the kitchen to do the nightly rituals, and the pain shot up. It was a steady increasing pain. I'm getting worried about the pain - acid reflux? not taking the Lipitor? I walked to the fridge, refill dad's jar, closed the fridge and slammed my left foot. That Never happened before. Pain so bad, I was limping. Then I went to the sink, washing the dishes, and something fell on the floor a few feet behind me. I didn't look right away since I KNOW that there's no one behind me. I finally finished the dishes, chest pain bad, and walked to see what fell. A 6-pack Nutrient drink fell to the floor. I stood there and stared at it. I did not pick it up. I just calmly turned and walked back into the livingroom. The minute I passed the kitchen door into the livingroom, locked it, my chest pain quickly started abating. I am now typing here, and no more chest pains. I can take a deep breath, and no pain at all.
Something bad is in our kitchen. It is Not nice. Did it follow me when I walked into their territory that night, and I Yelled into the night? Ugh!!! As long as it hasn't cursed me, I'm fine. Because I cannot, will not - go out in midnight, back to that spot and Apologize to it! It goes against my spiritual faith to Jesus and God.
Sigh... tonight, I will go back to praying to God. Ask for forgiveness for being a stubborn Reluctant follower. And ask for His protection. Because I truly cannot ask for forgiveness as is the local custom to that spirit. It's just soooo wrong to do that. Really wrong. Night all...
As far as your church forbidding you to watch certain TV shows and you clearly break this rule and others, maybe it is time for you to leave that church and find another faith where you agree with their principles. God is God and if you believe in Him and pray to Him then the rules of a certain religion are of little consequence. If you are genuinely fearful of being excomunicated then leave of your own free will or follow the rules, there is no middle ground. When you break a civil law knowing that you are in the wrong there is a punishment. if you are caught speeding you have to pay the fine or face worse conseguences. This is the case with any other organization be it a church or a home owners association. all members are expected to follow certain standards.
I have a question for everyone....and please be honest..
In some random accident yesterday, I hurt my back...can't sit for any length of time... or stand and can barely walk... have been treating it with Theragisic and taking hydrocodone..... I am in pain... a lot of pain....
I called the daughter to tell her I can't come in tonight, and told her why...keep in mind I have worked here for over six months....never late. always work my full 12 hour shift, have worked extra when she has called me.
She got so angry.... I already am feeling guilty because I know it was her weekend with them....asked me if I had called the girl that works on Fri. nights, told her yes, but no reply yet.... she asked if I would call her again... by this time I am getting angry myself.... not my damned job to get someone to fill in.... something I have ASKED FOR since I started working there....told her no, I haven't.....
I get it that she is tired, but she loves playing the martyr when it makes her look good.... so my question is... those of you who have hired help... would you have taken one second to reassure the paid caregiver it wasn't her you were upset with..... ya know, the hard to find, dedicated, experienced caregiver that you are barely paying above minimum wage??????
I have never called in sick before..... I do my job... ect.... and yes, If I wasn't feeling bad myself I wouldn't have taken it personal.....but I did..... I have told ya'll a million times, the reason I am so burned out is not because of my clients, but the damned families.....
I would appreciate honest feedback... and keep in mind I gave her plenty of time to find someone else..... it's not like I called ten minutes before I was due at work....she is off for the whole summer... It's not like she has to work tomorrow......and it's NOT my family !!!!!
As you can see, I am pissed.... but ya know what.... I'm taking the damned night off because I am in PAIN....no job is worth causing even more damage to an already messed up back from being LOYAL !!!!
When I joined my gym last fall I specifically asked the trainer to give me weight lifting exercises as I knew I was going to assist my parents and didn't want to injure my back. Now that mom has died and dad in assisted living I can go back to the gym and start again ( and keep on working on those core muscles).
In your shoes you are quite right to be pissed. It is not as though you wanted the night off to go out on the town. You are sick, injured, whatever you hurt she is responsible for her parents welfare not you. she should have plans for such an emergency. She is going to have to suck it up tonight and get someone from an agency tomorrow because you WON'T be back till next Sunday at the earliest. a pillow under the knees is a good idea as long as you are moving those legs the last thing we want to hear is a DVT. I'd pop over and give you some TLC but you will be better before I can drive there, probably take me three days.
This is my honest feed back you are right and your current employer has just lost your loyalty. Now rest and take your hydrocodone and don't forget some senna with that. You know what Tex did to herself. Don't fall asleep with a ciggy in your hand - don't want to BBQ the cat. You will get through this you always do. Trouble is no one appreciates the good ones. Hugs and love your way old friend and one of those huge chocolate bunnys.
And i'll hold off on getting like Tex with the pain meds..... I'm not a nurse, so I know better !!! See Tex, I told you nurses were the worst patients... my best friend down home is a nurse...it amazes me the things she would do and have a fit if a patient did the same thing.....
Granddaughter has left already... she let me know she didn't like my job, we hardly got to see each other..... but had fun what time I did get to spend with her.... has lightened my mood considerably.....
Already doing the pillow under the legs.... and just trying to rest as much as I can..... already have major back problems and just the way I bent down and stood back up, threw something into limbo..... just one of those random things that our bodies do to let us know... ENOUGH ALREADY, take a break.....
And wish I did have some chocolate...... ya know. lady of leisure, laying in bed eating bon bons....... pfttttttt !!!!!
Hugs to you all..... going back to bed.....
There were times, when she called me on Saturday morning, to tell me that she couldn't make it. But, she had found someone to cover for her. I hated this too, because this was accepting a total stranger last minute - into our home.
Did I expect her to find a replacement for her when she couldn't make it? No. But I did want her to tell me the earliest possible if she could not - and not call me on the day she was suppose to show up.