This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ya, think I will start using the pillow more often....feels more like 'normal' hurting today, not 'I can't set' hurting.... why do we just not take care of our self??? oh well, the daughter can get her panties out of knot, I'll go to work tonight.... wish we had a puking emoticon !!!! Love and hugs and thanks for the feedback.....
DH. Hospice is giving you all the right advice. Give him all the morphine he needs and don't worry about the whisky What is the worse that can happen? As long as he is comfortable and free of anxiety that is all that matters. At this stage he probably will need the Prednisone for the duration the only problem with tat is it gives viscious indigestion. You are in a good place and hospice nurse is on the ball. Dad's happy you can't ask for anything more. Doing things that are "good" for him stopped a long time ago. Blessings
The other
LadeeC
Good to see you Ladee C ! I missed ya !!
Didn't have to hurt anyone last night... but after the daughter sucked all the air out of the room telling me how Cujo hasn't slept in three night.... and on and on that I wasn't listening to..... oh, and she was so solicitous to my poor aching back while she had an audience.... I didn't realize I was holding my breath until she left and let out a deep sigh.... woman makes my head hurt....
Cujo slept fine..... she did get up at 4:30 needing to make plans for Thanksgiving.....!!! finally told her maybe she could just say a prayer of Thanksgiving since it was so early in the morning, and she could make her plans later..... she did say a prayer..... a long one....but went back to bed and was still asleep when I left this morning....
Daughter did tell me to call her if someone fell, and to not pick up anyone..... I just blinked at her really slowly.... ya know, because I am sooo Tooopid !!!
Are some of you thinking how grateful you are that I am not YOUR paid caregiver !!!!!! LOL
Slept as long as I could... need to get ready to go make the big bucks...
Love, hugs, prayers and chocolate to all of you !!!!
There should be a way to report it as a phishing scam through your e-mail provider.
It used to be a dream of mine to have something I could travel around in, go visit some of you and help out, give ya some respite.... didn't know my own caregiving would suck the life and spontaneity right out of me....
Was thinking about this this morning.... how old I feel... the constant negative environment, the stress,the resentment over such low wages..... and here I set, doing nothing to change my situation..... and the truth be known.... my loyalty is all one sided..... only two families do I still stay in contact with... one of the daughters I am very close to.....so am going to have to really take a good look at this.... what? I am still going to be bitching about this a year from now, because I have fear of finanacilly being able to live.....staying in a miserable comfort zone.... what the hell is wrong with me..... it is up to ME to change this..... what am I waiting for???? I make myself so tired....back and forth, back and forth...... something has happened to my faith in all of this... my brain is so clouded with fatigue and depression. I used to live my life on taking risks, what I called, " letting go of the rope'.... and knowing I would land on my feet.... where did all this fear come in???? Need to get committed to finding my answers, I am wasting precious time.....ahhh, pay not attention to me, just searching for my own answers.... love and hugs to all of you...
As I grabbed the water jar, Dad asked me, "Are you drunk?"
Scheduled my eye surgery consult and the actual surgeries though not until Sept! However due to my rapidly changing eye conditions if I cannot continue to tolerate I can somehow get in earlier.
Get an immediate phone call from her.... rattling on and on that it was Mr.M's idea, because after all he had her there and she works for free.... and on and on and on...so I interrupt her, and said I will still bring the money Sun and give it to her...(which I have NO intention of doing!), because this was my cue to tell her how much she sacrifices, blah, blah, blah..... which I did NOT do.....she is an empty pit of neediness and needing to be told how awesome she is..... uh no, I'm the awesome one !!! I put up with HER and take care of her parents....!!!!
And by the way, the daughters will inherit three oil wells.... along with all the rest of it..... so ya think I'm feeling sorry for her???? Uh no......I'm not....and by the way, MrM signs my checks, not her....
And now that the daughter has stopped jacking with Cujo's meds, she is sleeping all night, or if not, she comes in the living room with me and watches tv until she gets sleepy again....
When I went in Mon. night... I was met with a 'word blast' of how Cujo didn't sleep all weekend, got up get dressed..... (deep sigh from me), blah blah blah..... the reason she doesn't get 'dressed' in the middle of the night with me, is because I remove her clothes from the room.... if she doesn't see them, she doesn't put them on.... sounds like a no-brainer to me..... and I've tried telling her this.... but, uh, ya know, you cant talk and listen at the same time.....right?
So guess this little story ends with me laughing all the way to the bank....
Love and hugs to you all, more later.....