This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hi Austin! I hope you had a good time despite the terrible weather there.
It's 7am. I needed to drink water. Walked into the kitchen, scouted the walls and floor for roaches. Nothing. Will open the back door to air out the stuffy kitchen. Checked for roaches on the door knob. (Ugh! I once GRABBED a roach hiding behind the knob.) Nothing. Great. Turned towards the fridge and froze. An upside down roach, kicking. Uhm... I did NOT spray any roaches lastnight. Nor did I spray the room. This is the SECOND upside down roach in a week (that I did Not spray.) Something in our kitchen is affecting these roaches. For a while this was happening in our restroom. Now we rarely have roaches in the bathroom. They seem to die on their own without any help from me. sigh.. chemical in the air that I cannot smell?
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A nice story - the elderly are beautiful.
When we get older we think differently, don't we?
This letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
An elderly lady who won a radio at the luncheon was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind, especially if you are familiar with the Elderly.
Smile it's a beautiful day!
Dear Kean Elementary,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Springer Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio. Before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to min, and I told her to kiss my a**.
Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Agnes
I bought the ant spray because it was cheapest cost. I just looked at the label on it. Kills on Contact. Keeps killing up to 6 weeks (!!!) , unscented. So, that's why the roaches are dying in the area where I had sprayed from sliding door to kitchen/livingroom door. Yes, we do have a home-made door between our kitchen and the livingroom withi locks on both sides on the top, middle and bottom. This was done when mom became violent. We had to close off the kitchen because of the gas stove and knives and we couldn't secure the sliding door so that she couldn't wander out at midnight. So, the solution was to put a door between the livingroom and the kitchen.
Red - good to see you here. Take care of you.
e a sympathy card and a plaster dish with jazzy's name and paw prints on it. I cried and cried. It was such a nice thing to do and was totally unexpected. They also sent meo an angel cat pin. I think of ya'll a lot and hope you all take care.
Geesh, this has been by far the most frustrating thing in my life. How can I get that question erased. I have asked a few people that I know are outstanding to help and write a public comment to these people. Caregivers have enough stress. Who in the world has enough time to write derogatory comments about others.
https://www.agingcare.com/ContactUs.aspx
It has been a long time since I posted anything here, altho' I have kept up reading as much as possible and time allowed. Short recap: MIL moved in with us 5 years ago when we moved out here from Ohio, and except for driving and cooking was pretty much self sufficient. She took her meals with us, took care of her cat, folded clothes on laundry day, did the dinner dishes, and helped a LOT during summer canning season. She's not been much trouble at all, in spite of memory problems, and I have enjoyed her company. Several years ago we did start having someone come and stay at the house "to take care of the pets" when we took a weekend trip or short vacation, to see that she ate regularly, etc.
About the first of this year, I began to notice increasing memory loss and decreasing physical strength. Her naps were longer and more frequent. She also began to eat less and to want to skip meals, altho' usually she would eat when food was placed in front of her. She looked for ways to help less often. She still folded laundry and did little jobs (like cutting up fruit or veggies during meal prep) when ASKED. I hoped the gardening season (she has always loved working in the garden) and better weather would pull her out of the "winter doldrums".
In May I went to visit MY Dad and make some preparations for the family gathering in late June/early July to celebrate Dad's 90th birthday, and when I came back we had a mess! Perhaps the change of routine with DH (her son) looking after her set it off, since I have always dealt with her more than he has, I don't know. She started having panic attacks and refusing to eat. Fluids have always been a problem and now that was worse,too.
In June we had two trips planned, and for the first MIL's other son and wife came to stay with her, and for the second we took her to respite care at a lovely assisted living place. I now think that may have been a mistake. From the time we picked her up on July 7, the decline has been obvious and rapid, to the point where she eats/drinks almost nothing and spends almost all her time in bed. Last week after a consult with her doctor we started home health care. Sat. the PT gal became concerned about oxygen levels and now we have mom on oxygen 24/7. That is a problem because she does not understand why she needs it and keeps taking it off. Then she has a panic attack and all kinds of pains....we can no longer leave her alone at all. We took her to the doctor again yesterday...it appears she has lost 10lbs since May when she weighed in at 115lbs. and he observed first hand how her mental confusion has increased.
I have to admit that reading the posts on this thread have made me extremely grateful about my situation. The two brothers get along very well and consult often about how to handle all of mom's affairs. I am dealing with acceptance of the fact that I am losing a good friend and the sadness that goes with that. Watching her fade away day by day is really hard. I pray for all of you as I read the various posts, and give thanks for all the things I have learned from you.
UPDATE: Since I finished this too long post a week ago and set it aside to read over before actually posting everything has changed!!! In just a couple days Mom went from mobile and coherent to bedridden and hard to understand. She died just after 8am yesterday Sat. the 26th. While I am grateful she did not linger, it is truly hard to believe she is gone. DH appears very stoic (almost unaffected) in his attitude, so I suspect there is a real volcano inside he is trying to suppress. The brothers are working together for all the notifications,etc. that have to be made, and when we have the memorial service (mom will be cremated, so can be delayed until family can gather), they will help with all the sorting and clearing of Mom's stuff. I will not have to do it alone!
AAAAARRRRRRGHHH!
Pamsteg, as I read your post, I was even believing it. When you concluded, I realized the true situation, and I giggled. I would have been like that social worker - sucker! =)
Pamzim, enjoy your trip! Really, don't worry about mom. Worse case scenario, hubby can call 911. You will definitely have fun with your girl friends.