This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
She wants one ring to go to n old friend - a matched pair, I wear my late father's. Concerned about her wedding ring I promised I would wear it and that made her happy. My mind is wrapping itself around what must be done when time comes. Along with arrangements I'll need to clear her room and move some pieces of furniture, which must be done quickly as the NH will want the room back to re-let.
She's had 88 years of a wonderful life, the very best of everything, more than most anyone I've ever known, but she's never been happy with anything. She's in no pain and I hope that, in the next world, she can find the happiness she could never find in this one.
Have put the word out about a place in the country that is set up for a trailer..... won't get serious about moving it until it gets cooler.... so I have time to save every single penny I can, and check around for movers and land....
I finally have something awesome to look forward to..... more gratitude than I can put words on.....
Glad I am home. The neighbors are having a cook out with tons of cars, loud music and speakers. I can't imagine I am going to be able to sleep tonight either. Frustrated with living here. But at least Mom is moving to her own new location Sept 1. It will put more distance between us, which is great. Still I am sad that our close relationship of mother and daughter has come to this state of being.
Two things to share today: young guy at a cafe who waits on us says, "oh you look like sisters." (I am 62, Mom is 92. Most people think I look 45.) I smiled at the man and said, "I am going to kill you. What kind of math are you doing?"
Another time this comment was made I said to the person, "Well, that's a nice compliment for ONE of us." Geez, there is NO way in Hell I look older than 49 even. Maybe Mom appears 80ish. I don't get it. They see an old lady and want to make HER feel good? The whole thing is unnerving. Just another way to put me down is what it feels like.
Another thing to get off my chest, can you relate?
Have you ever been in a store or restaurant and your Narc parent is playing their stupid drama get attention junk, usually at YOUR expense. The clerk plays the poor old parent's game and you roll you eyes and try to restrain a groan. The clerk sees you out of the corner of their eyes and says, in a reprimanding way,
"You're LUCKY you still HAVE your parent!"
Makes me want to upchuck!
By the way, I've been meaning to mention this to you all. There is a specific tick that is spreading in the USA. Whatever happens, do not get bitten by this tick. I saw this on the TV news. The tick has a sugar (alpha-gal) that humans don't have, but can be found in red meat - beef, pork, venison, rabbit - and even some dairy products. A tick bite triggers our immune systemthe body perceives the sugar the tick transmitted to the victim's bloodstream and skin as a foreign substance, and makes antibodies to it. Then the next time the person eats red meat which has that sugar, your immune system is activated aggressively and therefore the person ends up with anaphylactic shock. The more you eat the red meat, the worse your reaction until you must carry that pen thing with you. I'm a meat eater through and through. I don't even like salads. If I get bitten by this tick, I will become an unwilling vegetarian. No getting my foot wet but dunked into it.
Judda, I know what you mean.... between my messed up family and caregiving for the past 17 years, I am getting to where my solitude is priceless..... I work nights, and sleep during the day... so have a lot of 'quite', so now when I get around a lot of noise, I am stressed to the point of no return..... and I love nature...... I like to hunt for petrified wood, hit the back roads, nothing but crickets, birds, cows and donkeys.......ya, the quite and nature heal me.
Have seen the tick stories on the news, it is a Texas tick if I remember right. Ladee where in Texas are these ticks? Everywhere? Here our ticks stay in the mountains unless one hitches a ride back to the city on an unsuspecting bitee.