This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I've decided to quit taking my Lipitor. OMG, this whole week, I've been making some major mistakes at work. I read one thing, but my brain translated it differently. But the worst is NUMBERS. It's such a struggle to understand TIMES. I see 22SEP UA 1082 departs at 1050a, arrival 110pm. And I book these flights and it's not flowing. I even totally did a customer's schedule SKIPPING his home visit and booked him to return home right after the conference. Today, a customer emailed for a flight from Manila to here. I booked it the Opposite way.
And several times, since my doc upped the Lipitor, I was budgeting the cash on separate piles, and the next day, I realized at work that I completely don't know what I did with dad's $300.00! I called sis. No, I only gave her $60. Another time, I put his money with mine. Then the next day, I was so surprised to see that I had more cash than I should have.
I can't even remember that one incident when I completely forgot how to do something. I just stood there staring and trying so hard to remember How to do it. I have to stop taking Lipitor. I don't want to be laid off. And if my potential employer calls my boss for reference about my job with him, I don't want him to say that he had to lay me off because I was forgetful and making serious mistakes. My boss has no problem in telling the truth. He won't whitewash anything.
I was talking to a client today. When I described all this, she gasped and said that she also used to take Lipitor. The same thing that I'm going through, she went thru. she just thought it was old age. Now, as I described what I'm going through, she also went through. I'm quitting it. I'm just going to have to make a point to use the bathroom every hour so that I can climb the stairs up and down several times a day. I'd rather have a heart attack or stroke than to have dementia. OMG, in all my 24 years of caregiving, my 7 siblings were NO help at all - and that's with their own mother and now their own father.
I have asked docs about the lipitor and dementia. It is a risk benefit comparison. Taking the lipitor will help to prevent strokes, which I agree is a preferable way to die compared with dementia. Strokes can occur as minis and gradually take your brain, and they can be massive then kill immediately. It is those that do not kill quickly that I am afraid of. They will also cause dementia to come on bit by bit. Not much different than developing the disease as my mom has. She has never taken lipitor or anything like that. She is a fairly healthy old broad. I really think that her inactivity through the years, her addiction to sugar, and an indicator gene that did it to her.
L takes Lipitor and has had TIA's in spite of it. He takes Aggrenox in place of a low dose aspirin now.
It's just that this past week, I noticed how bad my Thinking ability have been skewed. What I Thought I booked his flights, I find I did not. It was such a struggle to do his reservation which shouldn't have taken me all afternoon to do. It was like my brain was sluggish.
What's worse, my dad's order came in and I remember receiving it and even telling him how fast it came. And I cannot find the box or his herbal pills in it!!!! Now, because of this false memories, I'm even doubting if it came in. It's driving me nuts searching and searching for the box - and I can't find it. Did it or did it not come in?
A story, a neighbor, young, probably in her 40's is diabetic. A couple of years ago her blood sugar got extremely low. She fell down four steps, knocked her head just wrong. Now she is in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. At least you can get yourself to the ER, if you can't call 911 for both of you!
you may have to file charges against grandma so the police take her for a psychiatric evaluation. Please do it now people here really care and don't want to see something bad happen to you. call 911
If you call 911 and they take both of you, then when you're released, you can refuse to bring grandma home with you until they or your mom figure out what to do with her. Psyche evaluation, medication to control her violence.
She was brought there for a suspected UTI. Put on meds brought home. She didn't improve. Yesterday she fell, so I had to call 911. She now has fever and is so weak she can't walk without assistance.. They are doing their tests...
If she can't walk, I just can't bring her home..
I am emotionally and physically exhausted.. Her dementia has advanced rapidly.
I'm so confused..
Order to care for her for almost most of her life and still her caretaker until
today.I do not have the money for a lawyer to fight in court to continue to
prove the false alligations against me
what she believes is right for her. I am
emotionally spent physically and
spiritually. My hands are tied. Now it's
about my siblings inheritance and they
have not been there every time she hasbeen sick. She has listened to those
that has not lifted a finger to help her
while they stand with her in the court
room. It all comes down to money and
not her care. I am still in shock and un
belief that it has come to this. My mom put her home in my name several years ago to make sure that she had a place
to live and to die in, and now my
siblings once they found out that the
home was in my name the fighting
began. My mom has mild dementia,
diabetes, heart problems etc.
I have moved out of the home for my
own sanity for the environment has
been toxic for some time. All I can do
at this point is to sign the home back to
her and my step siblings do what they
feel best for her. It is what it is. I have
Read suggestions how to handle
difficult parents. Put the truth of the
matter is you can love with all your
heart and yes it hurts when you have
sacrificed so much because of your
Iove for them but some things are out
of your control. You just pray, forgive
and keep loving them right where there
are until what is destined comes to
past.
If you're mom is not using the public defender, you can use one. You should be able to qualify for one. But if you're mom got to the public defender... you're in a very tough spot. Whatever happens, you NEED a lawyer. Because there's no guaranty that by giving the house back to your mom that your siblings would drop any of the charges. Please find a way. Here on island, families have been known to sign over their family land just to hire a lawyer for their family. I'm not saying that you should do that. I just don't know what else to say to you. I'm grasping at straws. And I'm worried that your step siblings may not be satisfied with just you signing over the house. They may try to accuse you of also stealing money from your mom. Hence, the need to hire a lawyer. {{Hugs}}
I am realizing more and more that since my mom is more and more self centered she is no longer capable of being interested in me or my welfare, or my activities. She never asks me about anything and just yaks on and on non-stop about herself. It's so lonely to have to be with someone who constantly berates and puts you down in so many ways. I am torn between enjoying my freedom when I am not with her and wanting to be with a person whom I can have a real 2 way conversation with. It's so damaging to be with an aging parent who gets off on having to put me down so that she looks good. At least that is what she thinks.
At the outdoor concert, I was myself: totally giving myself permission to shine without disturbing the show or others. The band thanked the "beautiful dancers".
and people came up to me and said how much they enjoyed watching me dance.
Felt so good to shine in my own way, without fear and judging. I wish more people had had that courage. But they watched the band and me and the babies groove to the music and by the end of the concert, everyone looked happier and freer.
Mom may not care that you had fun, but we do and are happy you got to 'fly' free for a little while...