This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Judda what a wonderful way to let your spirit soar.
Lately I am feeling incrediblly healthy! I also take the "super green drink powder" from Trader Joe's in juice and a with little flaxseed. The chlorella and other good things in it give me energy. I also had some mercury fillings removed and replaced with white fillings. Seems like days after that I felt better than I had in years.
Hope this all helps someone.
Hugs to you all.
Personally I love them, but I also love Gilbert & Sullivan and Tchaikovsky so you can't look to me for musical taste. And Abba. And Marvin Gaye. And Blondie…
I remember watching a Christmas revue on TV once, can't remember who the hosts were, this was back before The Flood, and the next scene came on of an idyllic Hawaiian beach. Palm fronds fanned. Maidens swayed. Waves lapped onto the sands, and on the seventh washed up a giant clam shell. Out of which burst Bette Midler launching raucously into "Oklahoma!"
I still think it was the funniest thing I've ever seen and I love her for it.
Book, I can't imagine anything more crushing than being told you sound terrible when you're singing. Having said that, my daughter sails round the house (just as I used to) accompanying her iPod at the top of her voice and it can get a bit migraine-inducing. But I wouldn't dream of inhibiting her. Singing is SO GOOD for you. It lifts the spirits and ventilates the blood stream. Turn your dad's tv volume up higher and sing away!
Remember: talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. Beethoven had to be turned round to see his audience after the first performance of the Choral because he couldn't hear the rapturous applause. Just because you'll never suffer that kind of pain doesn't mean you should deprive yourself of a God-given pleasure.
I've come a long way, baby! And I sure have moments when I am very disturbed inside and wonder how can I ever get "home" to myself. Caregiving: you can run the whole gamut a few times in one day! Right?
blurry. days like this my attention span is short.
Reading though your posts, everyone. It helps.
Have a great night, ya'll!
The daughter is a teacher and she started work today.... she is not going to be happy.... but hey, neither am I...... and I sooooo can not afford to miss work..... going back to bed before I depress myself.... hugs to everyone.
LadeeM, ouch on the back pain. I hope it doesn't carry on for several days like backpains usually do. Sleep. Then maybe try a very very hot shower.
rubbing warm oil into those tense muscles. Then watch the cloud of pain leave your body and gently drift out of the door to be blown away in the evening breeze.
Refil CMs hot water bottle and get some sleep.
The hot shower is a good idea Book but Ladee does not have running water!
Hershey's kisses tonight Ladee. Don't smoke in bed
The drive home this morning was hard, getting out of the car a show of pure will and determination to get in the house...... so strange... been lifting and transferring for years.... and bottle of water kicked my *ss !!!!
Just staying in bed,using Theragesic and taking something for pain.... I also realize I have got to start walking and getting some exercise..... I am not used to all this setting....... so that is on my 'to do list' when I can walk again without sounding like a wounded animal...
No hot water bottle CM, but do have a heating pad.... will do the visualization MsV and I do not smoke in bed... like you said, no hot shower, but getting in and out of a shower sounds painful....
Daughter called to check on me.... ya sure, and did get someone to fill in... amazing what she can do when she is put on the spot.... I don't feel a bit guilty.... when people do not have a back up plan, it is none of my business....
So, just wanted to check in and tell ya'll thanks for the concern.... will be sleeping here any time now..... and then hoping I don't have to go to the bathroom...... instead of 'I've fallen and I can't get up', its more like "I'm on the toilet and I can't get up"..... I would die there as opposed to calling my son or 911,,,,,, lol.....
Hope everyone is ok and had a good day.... love and hugs..... and I'll send son out tomorrow for my chocolate fix......
Ladee, you and I and all caregivers, need to make time to de-stress our body from the stress of caregiving/work. I guess for me, reading is not enough as a de-stresser. I hope you're feeling better - as in less pain today than yesterday.
I think one thing that is contributing is the fact that I have always been a hands on caregiver, up, moving, lifting, in other words.... working..... not setting....I come home after that 12 hours and go straight to bed....get up and do it again.... not getting enough exercise for sure....probably need a new mattress too..... I just know that I do not have time to be taking off work for this.... but can't tend to Cujo if I can't get out of the chair without screaming, and I sure can't stand for all those hours.... so to the Dr. it is...... d*mn it... can think of so many places that money can go..... oh well, just life on life's terms I guess....
Hugs to all of you today.... for whatever you are going thru, know I am thinking of you and prayers for all..... love and hugs, and while I'm out today, getting some chocolate...... !!!!!!!
OK, I will tell you a story.
About six years ago I herniated a couple of disks in my back while getting a 30 pack of beer out of the cooler at the liquor store. I have never been in that kind of pain before of since. Even having children was not that bad, at least that had a definite end. But the back thing went on forever, it seemed.
Every once in awhile, I reinjure my back in the area of these disks. The last time was a result of twisting just wrong while shaving my legs. Once a person injures their back they have to be very careful, work to strengthen it or it will continue to happen.
I have an idea of what's straining my back. When I lean over the shower to get the warm water for dad's pamper changing. When I sleep on my side - in fetal condition. When I shave my leg trying to shave behind the legs. For sitting hours at the office - hunched over position with my head angled up to the computer. (If I lean back, my legs would be dangling from the office chair and my hands would barely be touching the keyboard. If I lower the chair so that I can touch the floor, my head would be more angled up to look at the computer.) And the bending over as I change dad's pamper - tugging and pulling.
It's only 10:20pm and I'm sooo tired. I rushed my work because my 2 bosses will be on vacation for the next 9 days. I will be manning the office alone. This means leaving the office late - like 7pm. I'm going to be very exhausted and stressed. and grouchy. Boss said that if the airline's flight back home is on time, I can get next Friday off - so that I can have a long 4-day weekend. I will Pretend to go to work on Friday, so that I don't have to stay home and babysit dad. Since Monday is a legal holiday, oldest sis is off and I'm covering for her. So, it's just really a 3-day weekend for me.