This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
yes about the exercise..... just stretching now helps....and we never give our self time to heal or we just don't get the luxury of time to heal....I know that missing work is stressing me out.... what a vicious cycle I put myself in at times.....the more stressed I get, the more I tense up.....some days I just want off this roller coaster... it's not fun anymore...
My doctor agrees that I need more exercise to strengthen those muscles.... when I can walk more than ten feet without wanting to just lay down on the floor, I will try to find some entry level exercise to do.... can't afford for this to keep happening...
Have some good pain meds so will be able to go back to work tomorrow..... waaa.....
Hope everyone had a good weekend and had some quite time to drink a cup of coffee without hearing noise...... hugs and chocolate to you all.
Seriously, it is only reasonable to expect to be comfortably seated at work. Hope you can get something done about it. Hugs.
I was your niece is your hairdresser? LOL!
Just had to let you know how very lost I am on this thread right now, and I don't know why, that is the scary part.
I even missed the comment Dr. Gladimhere!
Thank you very much. Have reading to catch up with, I guess.
I've been restless lately. This site is not holding my attention like it used to. My book is not holding my attention, either. Been channel surfing lately. I think I'm getting shopaholic withdrawals. Last night, I spent hours window shopping on Amazon for books. I have my to-buy list but... realistically I cannot afford to spend regular book prices. It's more like Wish List. sigh.. anyway, I have lots of unread paperback, hardcover and ebooks to read. A Lot!!!
Red - I hope that your shoulder problem is not permanent. That would really limit what you can do - or make you think ahead before doing something that would make it pop out.
What am I going to do? Will this nightmare ever end? Or does it just get worse and worse til I die of a stroke?
I want to go get her and bring her HOME. I know it's wrong and it's not safe for her to be here and she wasn't happy at all here...but at least she was with me!
Relax and find something fun to do today that you couldn't have done before.
Not a nice prospect but realistically once you have recovered from the initial assult you will be feeling a lot better and be more functional than the same period doing what you are doing now. At least they will be doing it under anesthetic.
And Wanting, yes, you did do the right thing and sometimes that's all that's left, hard as that is.... This is a brutal ride.
think I am going to turn the AC down to fifty and rip up the carpet in the hall and then scrape the wallpaper off the kitchen...it's just me and I am in the mood to destroy, rip and shred something...NOT in the mood to fix. So this weekend will be demolition weekend. I'll fix another time
Austin, you can still be the quiet little mouse - who can sure Roar like a tiger when she sees fit to do so. Good for you! =)
Chrissy, with regards to your brother making it seem like he’s doing more for mom in FaceBook. That has happened with me and my bro of next door. I know exactly how you feel. My niece would tell FB that she has to go now to help her aunty change grandma’s pamper. Niece rarely came – yet she was a very diligent helpful niece in her FB. It really really bugs me when someone takes credit for something that they don’t do. And I agree it’s very very difficult to let it go. Especially when they keep posting it, and refreshing our anger at the exaggeration of what they do.
Stillhope – You also have done your best for your mom. I’m glad that you knew when it’s time she went to ALF before caregiving affected your marriage and your job. It’s not like you abandoned her because you’re still going there to help her. Just keep it balanced because it’s so easy to tilt the balance and end up spending too much at ALF and less at home.
So, the result is very bad itchy hives. All over his body, even on his face. And still refuse to believes it's the supplements. It's been a struggle this past year but I always told myself that eventually he would reach the forgetful stage. Yes! He finally did. We have weaned him down drastically due to his forgetfulness. And because of this, he rarely gets hives.
Yesterday, the home care nurse visited to do his vitals. My dad has a tray table next to his bed within his reach. On his table, he has like 9 herbal bottles. The nurse starts picking up each bottle and questions my dad. I watched in horror. Because of those bottles, my dad has completely forgotten that we no longer give him any of the pills on that table except 1 bottle.
Then as the nurse started lecturing my dad about all these pills, my dad got angry at the nurse and said that those pills are good. The more the nurse lectured, the more firm my dad became. He ordered me to give him one of the bottle. This pill Does cause him hives. I picked it up and as I passed the nurse, I muttered that my dad is now forgetful and completely forgot about those pills that causes him hives. And now he has reminded my dad about it. I opened the bottle, took out a pill and said, "Dad, this pill looks funny. Look! I think it's spoiled."
The nurse, without skipping a beat, then asked for the bottle. He looks at it, and then said, "This bottle is expired. It expired since 2012! This needs to be thrown." My dad said to throw it. The nurse then picked up another bottle, looked at it, and said, "This is also expired." Dad said to throw it.
This is only a temporary win. Because now he will order more of those pills to replace the old ones. Those pills are not cheap.
Ya, AC has exploded.... not like it was 'back in the day' at all.... tons of new people....tho I do wish they would come on and read around..... so many of the same questions being asked over and over......so much info on here now, no reason to not be an informed caregiver.....
Happy you and your honey are still together..... love and hugs..