This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
What we really need is someone to tell us the magic word that will fix everything. I need someone to take me by the shoulders and say "It is going to be ok"...but it's NOT going to be 'ok'. It's going to be different. And different isn't always better. Most of the time, it's BAD. I hate change. I loathe change. I dreamed last night I had fixed everything and woke up feeling old as the hills...
For everyones aches and pains I started back at the gym 5 weeks ago and feel better about regular exercise including weight lifting.
Now to get a hair appt scheduled as its been since February!
And I am very grateful we all have a place to come, a hundred times a day if need be, and be safe and be heard...... and it is hard... and no you can't fix it.... but there are so many suggestions here on what to do with those feelings.... so, again, sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intention..... hugs to you all
He's a counter. He would count and count and count.
Today, he's starting to count with: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 22...
I told him that the number starts with 1, 2, 3, 4, etc... He had this blank look. And then told me that it starts with 13. Okaaaay.... counting numbers start on 13.
He's expressing frustration that he's forgetful - especially he can no longer remember how to count.
FYI, remember those herbal supplement bottles that were thrown? He is now accusing me of stealing it and giving it to my friends. He Knows I took it. He's a Very Good Detective. {rolling my eyes) good detective, my foot!!!
Hope you find an abacus.
Red - 8 surgery. I've had 2 and hope to never ever go through that again. 8....
Yes, allergy to mold. Our restroom doesn't have a window. Every time we have a storm with heavy rain/wind, the bathroom gets soaked. Our walls along the side most often wet has mold. Oldest bro of next door keeps saying that he will rent a water blaster to blast the walls. Never got around to it. Every time I go in the bathroom at nights or early mornings, I sneeze a lot. And I keep staring at those mold. Bro says that it's not the dangerous mold. Just mold. Nothing to worry about. I sprayed a small portion in which I can reach and yet not be under it - with a full blast of vinegar. The mist came back to my face - no mask. I've already researched info on how to rid the molds but .. I need one of those fancy face mask, etc... I don't know... I'll figure it out. Tired... time to do dad's pampers.
I would also rest your mind, though. If you'd been living this long with a toxic variety that was actually causing symptoms, you wouldn't just be sneezing a bit by now. Still! - yuck, mould! Zap the little brutes, I should.
Thanks for the info about using a mop. Geez, here I was using the spray because i didn't want to hand scrub the walls! That's how my mom used to clean the bathroom walls. That's why I mentioned mask. I just never thought outside the box - and think of using a mop! I copied and pasted all of your advice (including yours, ABB). Okay. I keep yawning. Time to go to sleep.
Considering the longevity of this thread, there has been very little conflict.... the only two times it happened.... someone went after me.... hmmm, I'm still here and they aren't....
The whole message of this thread has been love and support.... and laughter,and consistenly have a safe place to come and have our feelings...
AC has grown so much.... so many new people, a few new problems.....but somehow we all come together in the end and make it work....so just wanted to thank everyone, past, present and future, who have continued to share and let me know, no matter what, I am never alone.... hugs, angels, prayers and chocolate..... I used to say, "hugs across the miles" but some one stole it !!!!! LOL
Now the mitigation and rebuild. One room was completely gutted but the smoke and water damage is unbelievable. Large 4,000 sq ft house, built 1896, my beast house came to be.
I am fortunate my son and sons in law can help with all of this and hopefully minimize the hour drive there to take care of things.
I would criticize your friend for doing that except... I think I was just as bad as him. Let's just say that bedridden mom needed that large oxygen machine 24/7. Every time the power went out, I would like candles with matches and place it strategically around the livingroom. We had a generator that was only used for her suction and oxygen machine. I never connected the icon of the NO SMOKING with lighting a candle using matches. // Just reading what happened to your friend and your house - made me realize how very very lucky dad, mom and I were. We could have caused a fire.
I hope all goes well with you and yours, Glad.
I am now searching on Ebay and Amazon for a very bright emergency light that turns on when the power goes off. I'm also looking for hanging lanterns that is Bright, which I can hang on dad's trapeze bar to light his area while changing his pamper.
(Oh, and yes, the doctors know she does this at times with her meds, but she's smart enough to stay in the 'gray' area where she can't be declared incompetent)
So - today I'm frustrated and at the end of my rope (still).