This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad - hi there I have not been on the site lately because I really don't have anything to write about. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - Good to see you too. I have never heard of anti-virus for a tablet before. Mine runs so slow sometimes. Take care of YOU!!!
Hi everyone - Well, I feel like I have dropped of the face of the earth. Everything is still the same - no job yet but very hopeful about a couple of them. The economy here is still in the toilet. I am thinking of coloring my hair because it is now white. I used to be pre-maturely grey but now I am pre-maturely white haired. I have however gotten the senior discount at most fast food restaurants. LOL Well, you all take care of yourselves.
To be fully seen by somebody, and then loved anyhow - that is a human offering that can border on miraculous.... by Elizabeth Gilbert.
I have no idea, my mom is chronic the other way. Have our tried good old fashioned prune juice? Would he drink it? It would be a way to get him a bit of nutrition and hydrate a bit. Does Dad have dementia? I imagine it is possible that the brain is not processing the signals correctly and the body may be slowing down.
I tend to have constipation. I can go for days without drinking water or any fluid - other than that first cup of ice coffee in the morning. That would be my only fluid for the day. I'd eat lunch/dinner and not drink anything at all. So, I make sure to drink at least a 16oz water per day and a handful (more) of walnuts and sliced almonds. If I'm beginning to slow down, I go to Wendys and order their chili. This guaranty that I empty most of it the next morning. If I really want to empty myself, I then order the potato with chili, broccoli and cheese on it. I eat it for dinner. And the next morning, just when I think I'm done, stand up, oops... still more coming out... sit...think I'm done, stand up...oops... more coming out... you get the picture. It's as if by standing up, it makes the bowel easier to flow down and out!
But I've heard that prune juice is good. Eating ripe papaya also is good. Eat too much ripe mango can also make you go.
In my Mom's case a peach will go right through her as will too many sweet cherries. But this is not the problem we have, and do not want! DH I sure wouldn't hesitate to experiment with different fruits to see if something will work.
He rarely came to the house to help us. My niece was telling me that my 2 brothers in the states, they now put a photo of me in their facebooks and tell everyone that I'm the one who took care of mom. And that I'm now taking care of dad. They are making sure that everyone knows the truth. I didn't know this. I had tears in my eyes when my niece was telling me this.
If we needed plumbing or electrical work, I always ask bro-of-next-door first. When he turns me down, I then have to use the yellow pages to find someone. Most times, they rip us off. I even thought I had a great deal by paying the plumber to fix our shower for $800.00. The guy from the home care store was shocked at the amount, asked what was done, and I could tell from his face that I - again - was ripped off. I had asked my brother several times to please ask his adult son to be here to keep an eye. Nope, never happens. So.....
I used dad's money to buy 2 screen doors totaling $600. Bro decides he can install it. He installed the first one $350 - and today, I finally locked it. And... I cannot unlock it. The lock is stuck. The door is now permanently locked. Unhinge it? Cannot because it's a Security Door which you cannot take the hinge off. Even if you break the screen, the door is still going to be stuck on the doorway. Sigh... all well, atleast we can open the door and have the breeze come in the house.
Oldest bro decided to 'fix' the sliding door. He made it worse. Now, when I open the door, there's no resistance, and it slams really hard to the left or right. OMG!!!! I told sis that we need to hire a professional to replace the whole sliding door. Not bro.
I was watching my brother do the security screen door. He's about 53 years old. And he was forgetting a lot of things on the repairs. I could see he was struggling. He used to be really really good at it. Now that he's getting older, he's forgetting. I felt so bad for him. He's a mean person. I wonder which of his kids would help him? He already said that I would be caregiving him. I don't think so. All these years I asked him over and over for help - and He Did Not Help. Karma....Karma is coming to him....
Time to change dad's pamper.