The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Book...try shooting some WD40 into the lock where the bolt slips into the hole or loosen the screws to the lock to see if you can adjust it...

Thanks, Red. I told my bro that maybe we need to spray WD40 on it. He just let it in one ear and out the other. His solution - unscrew the screws next to the hinge - the screws that holds the door from expanding or detracting. He's hoping that if he unscrews it, he can detract the sides of the door to give a small space from the lock, etc....

I'll mention your suggestion but no guaranty he will listen to me. I would do it but I tend to take things apart and then cannot put it back together. I have no patience and then I might jam something and make it worse or break it. Thanks!

Okay, I'm going to Google this problem after I shower. Since it's rainy season, the ants have found a safe haven in .. my car! The other, I rolled down the passenger window, and ants came streaming out of the window! I bought that ant motel at Home Depot - but I cannot find it. I don't know if it was left behind at the store, or I accidentally threw it when I threw the plastic bag away. Has anyone successfully got rid of ants in their car? Unfortunately, we have a large lawn which we park our cars on. We don't have a garage. Later...

I'm struggling with ant invasions all over the house. They've entered my bedroom (found some inside my iron - where you put the water in for steaming). The black ants, the teeny tiny ants (bites!) and now the big red ants (one bite stings so badly, the pain lasts for about 2 minutes). The big red ants are too close to my bedroom.

I bought this big container of ant killer that suppose to last for 6 months at Home Depot. I haven't used it because I hate all those Warnings on the bottle. I just finished googling. I am going to try the baking soda + powdered sugar + water remedy for inside the house where dad is and the kitchen. I wish I could put it outside but oldest sis stray cat would drink from it. I hate for it to die.

I've been spraying Raid and the generic version almost every night on the walls/entrances to the kitchen & livingroom. I'm worrying so much that I'm inhaling these chemicals too regularly. There is a link between these chemicals and dementia. So, I'm going to find an alternative home-made spray.....

ABB, remember how you tried those ant motel that didn't work? I saw on google, that maybe we can run it under hot water to soften it, then use a toothpick to stick honey in it. The honey will draw the ants in and eat the bait, then take it back to the nest.

bookluvr- Have you tried 'Ant Dust' terro/terro-ant-dust ?... I've used it outside... If you can find the point of entry, maybe it'll help you (you do have to wet it though).

i thought borax works for ants too?
Anyhow canning alot of tomatoes in past week. Working on a batch of taco sauce now.
Eye surgery in two days-started my drops regimen yesterday.
Dad and I went out yesterday for root beer floats yesterday then sat by the river looking at all the boats. my cousin and her husband stopped on and visited today with dad. that was nice!

Book, it must feel good to have at least one family member acknowledge what you have done for both parents! I used to have auntie dearest but counselor sis has been feeding her too much false information. She just does not know what to believe.

Glad, your aunt needs to do more visits. The more she visits, the more she sees the true situation. When my siblings visit, I tend to back off and let them help so that they experience what we go through. Fave sis found it exhausting after babysitting for 6hours, etc... My siblings always had an idea of what I went through because I used to update them all the time by text, email and letters by post office.

What shocked all of us was finding out that oldest bro and his family were letting people think that they were the ones taking care of the parents. You see, in our culture, the oldest child takes over the care of the parents when they get old. Oldest sis is incapable. Therefore, oldest bro of next door should have but didn't. Yet soooo many people were praising him for taking good care of mom. He didn't even come in to say his good bye when mom was dying. After she died, he was crying as we squabled. I felt nothing towards him. He was the one who locked me in a room in his house to tear me apart for 30minutes telling me that I was nothing and I will always be nothing at the age of 23..Just so that I sign my portion of the land for him to use. He was my favorite of all my siblings until that day. I went home and cried my broken heart and shredded self esteem. Since then, I've never felt any emotions toward him. Sad isn't it, that 25years later I have no emotions toward him? And that is why my 2brothers in the states post it in Facebook.

With all I have gone through with twisted sisters, it will be a very long time until I feel anything towards them. Just numbness. After the fire, TS#1 called left me a voice mail saying she had hoped I would talk to her. And she was curious about the fire and my friend. Not an offer for help, just feed her narcissism, please? No thank you.

Well, I bought the powdered sugar and the purple dish soap. I'll cut the plastic bottles tonight to make a small cup. Mix the ingredients and set it up in strategic places to see if it will kill the ants in the house.

As for Borax, I'm too scared to use that. Too many warnings. I'd rather try to do the natural way of ridding the ants. Thanks, 57twin. I saw on google that majority of people recommended it. But too many warnings on all of it. So, that's out.

In the weekend, I'm going to try boiling hot water to use as a natural way of killing the weeds near my bedroom. It's these weeds in which the red ants are gathering. I will concentrate on the areas near the house - not the whole yard. Bro waits until the weeds are past my hips before he bushcuts it. But, the red ants swarm my feet and bite it when I'm walking through the tall weeds. There was something else to use on the weeds. Vinegar and Dawn?

A quick side note that has nothing to do with caregiving. I was watching in the History Channel as a background noise of Germany. It documented the beginning of Hitler and the regime. Off and on, I tuned in to the show. Did you know that they set up camps for young females in their teens (like age 16) and the boys on another camp next to each other. It was done this way so that they would mingle and further promote the ideal Aryan race. I didn't know this.

Did you know that when the Allies invaded and liberated the people in Europe, that they forced All the townspeople to march thru the concentration camps to see what the German army did to the Jews, Polish, and other prisoners? I did not know this. One local woman said that the Allies held them, the townspeople, accountable for what the Germans did to those prisoners. That the locals were guilty by keeping silent.

Did you know that after they were all forced to march in a line to look at all those dead prisoners, they were then forced to dig graves and bury all those people? I did not know this. It showed whole truck loads of bodies being deposited to these townspeople to bury - with no blankets, etc.. just the dead naked bodies. I saw even children around age 11 and up helping to dig/bury the grave, right alongside the women.

Did you know that after that, the documentary showed that no one came to help rebuild what the Allies bombed in their cities? That the German people had to rebuild on their own. And that they finally completed the rebuilding in the 1980's? I did not know that.

I can tell you this much. If you ever visit Germany, do NOT do the "hail hitler' thing. You Will be arrested. It's against the law to do that. From what I understand, a lot of tourists don't know this. They do it, and get arrested. I read this on a travel journal/magazine.

A good thing for ant's 5 tablespoons confectionary sugar 5 tablespoons baking soda 3 tablespoons water mix together to form gooey paste put in caps and put around the house and outside doors -ants go into eat it and die

Book who do you think did the rebuilding in England after the German bombing?
It sure was not the Germans. Germany is now one of the richest in Europe and England is teetering on the point of poverty. Ask Country Mouse how much the cost of living has gone up in the last ten years. We enjoyed a frugal middle class life in the UK as young professionals and do so now in the US as retirees but things have changed so much there is no way we could afford to live in the UK and buy even a small house.
I also did not know that the Liberators made the townspeople bury the dead from the concentration camps. Who did they think the townspeople were going to tell? There is always evil in the world and evil seems to go with the territory when people are power hungry. The one with the bigest stick rules. These days innocent people are being beheaded on TV so we all know about it. If any German civilian in WW11 was caught with a radio he would have been shot on sight so how could ordinary people tell the outside world what was happening. And what could the outside world do about it till Hitler was defeated. I lived through WW11 and was only a little kid but still get shivers when I hear an air raid siren in an old movie on TV I remember when the Princesses Elizabeth (now the Queen) and Margaret would come on the radio and say. "Goodnight children everywhere. Margaret say ":good night") "and Margaret's tiny girl's voice would quietly say "Goodnight"
Winston churchill would adress the nation in the worst of times to keep the people's spitits up. He kept his own spirits up with a bottle of brandy every night but we did not know that then. He deeply loved his wife Clementine but can you imagine the stress that woman endured during all those years. My dad went to war when I was 2 and my only memory was meeting him just before he was deployed and Mum taking a picnic of tomato sandwiches. Quite a luxury as they only grow if you have a green house in that climate. None we knew had one, they were only for the rich. I next saw Dad when I was 5 and when Mum opened the door and this soldier was standing there I had no idea who he was.
So Book you see there are two sides to every story and neither is lily white.

Veronica, the documentary only showed the women in their dresses, looking tired, while trying to clean up the bombed debris. High school doesn't go into deep details like that. All the history shows I had watched was the documentaries done by the Americans. (Which years later, someone claimed was put together to make the US look good, and to infuse our patriotic duties so that the young men VOLUNTEER and not have to be drafted.) I remember my dad & I watching all the time the history channel when I was growing up. But it was the Encyclopedia on WWI and WWII that I saw all those dead bodies...piled high. So when I was watching the current documentary, it was from the German's point of view - that was my impression. It had readings from letters from the German people. How some of them agreed that the Jews should change their religion if they wanted to be accepted in society. And how as a child they were forced to make fun of the Jewish children to prove their loyalties, etc....Stuff like that. I've never seen a documentary from the German's point of view.

Yes, I totally agree about the townspeople. Now that one and having the young children to help bury the dead was going too far. Yes, I know how really bad it was back then when I used to read everything I could on it. (Now, I cannot handle the reality of war and the atrocities.) If someone did not like you, they can claim that your a Jew sympathizer. And you and your family would be punished - just from hearsay, on and on.

Veronica, I did not mean to insult you or your memories. I tell you this much, if North Korea wants to prove something to the US, guess who they will nuke bomb first? We all know who. And it sure isn't going to be Hawaii! We've had 2 reactions from our people. One side were so terrified that they wanted to leave island for good. The other side (my view), is that if it happens, it happens. I just hope that I die from the initial blast.

Book, in the 1970s my mother had a job at St Bartholomews Hospital in the City of London, and to get to her office in Petty France (that was the name of the street) you had to go a long way round past a boarded up site, which I thought was an ordinary building site but was actually a bomb crater they still hadn't got round to dealing with, thirty years after the war ended.

Not having Veronica's terrifying, direct earliest memories of the War, and having studied German for quite a long time, and coming from an Army background, I don't have the same emotional reaction to this part of history that many people do. My mother's family is Jewish so I probably ought to; but here's the only conclusion I've come to: war results in unimaginable human misery and human cruelty. No goodies and baddies. Just people suffering, and people rampaging, and quite often the same people are doing both.

The trouble is, we have misguided ourselves (that is, we as voters in democracies) into believing that if you have enough rules and conventions and treaties, you can carry out war nicely and no innocent civilians will get hurt. I am not a pacifist. I just get very tired of our childish imagining that it is possible to conduct war and only eliminate the right, wicked enemies. Quite often we're none too clear about who those enemies are, and oh my goodness we do find ourselves making 'friends' with some extraordinary people. Not keen on Assad? Well thank goodness our friends in Saudi are such lovely cuddly types. They never imprison anyone without due process, I'm sure.

I was listening some while ago to a British intelligence spokesman on the radio explaining that some prisoners had undergone 'robust interrogation' and I'm afraid I squealed with laughter. Another of those special irregular verbs to add to my collection, yippee! It goes like this:

1st person plural: we interrogate robustly
2nd person plural: you torture
3rd person plural: they have been indicted by the International Criminal Court for Crimes Against Humanity

I worry about you sitting so far away hollow-eyed at the thought of 11 year olds burying rotting corpses, Book. There is a very good documentary series "The World At War" which was made in the 1970s (narrated by Laurence Olivier) and covers all theatres and issues of WW2. You can skip episodes, which is often a relief, and although it wasn't intended to be shown to children it was made for a general television audience, so it's not excessively brutal with the pictures. And it's I think reasonably objective. Certainly no glorifying of anything.

You know what? It isn't only the horrors suffered by the innocent that take my breath away. It was also the hopeless courage shown by both soldiers and civilians that makes me sob. Polish cavalrymen on horseback, with drawn sabres, charging Panzer divisions. Mad as hatters. Incredibly brave. Or the young Japanese lady who held her children's hands and leapt from a cliff rather than surrender. War made these people believe that what they did was necessary and virtuous. Oh, and going back to the children, look carefully at some of the soldiers shown surrendering in the heart of Germany. These are boys barely into their teens, in full uniform, armed with rifles, scared out of their wits and deeply ashamed.

Did you know there is a Japanese diplomat commemorated in Yad Vashem as one of the "righteous among the Gentiles" as they rather quaintly term it? He worked at the embassy in Hungary, I believe it was, and sat at his desk stamping exit visas for Jews until… I don't know how this story ended. Just that he saw desperate people and did all he could to help them. A mensh. People can be heroic if they get the chance.

My ex-SO's father, now in his 90s, flew in Lancaster bombers as a navigator. This is how it was from his point of view (he was in his late teens/early twenties): you stuck to your mates. You concentrated on what you were doing. You got in a cramped tin can and pretended you didn't know what happened to people who got trapped in planes on fire. You took off, flew to the designated target, cracked jokes about the anti-aircraft fire, dropped your bombs, scuttled home as fast as your pilot could carry you and waited anxiously to see how many of your fellows had got back in one piece. Then you did it all again. Many years later, he was at a business lunch with some Germans, one of whom asked him "have you ever been to Hamburg?" He said, after an awkward pause, "not exactly…"

If he had been in Hamburg when the bombers were there he wouldn't be making any jokes about it.

I also hate to think of you worrying about what the North Koreans are up to: I too would not like my home to be on the Dear Leader's little list of favourite destinations. Does it cheer you up to remember that the Chinese are actually in charge?!

Oh, and by the way: I have never known children need to be forced to make fun of other children. It comes naturally. All the more important for adults to guide them to more charitable and open-minded ways, no?

Hi just checking in... Things have been extremely busy with Mom now in NH.. I'm trying to establish a new routine.. She's adjusting fine.. Luckily she doesn't ask to go home....

I want to give everyone a hug and hope your days are filled with happy thoughts resulting in happy memories...

Hi Assandy. That's great that your mom is adjusting! What a relief for you, too.

Testing the natural ant killers. I'm using the plain baking soda + powdered sugar mix on the kitchen table. Ants weren't interested in the one inside the jar lid. So, I spread some on the chopping board that I use as a pot holder. I also put aside 2 mix with water in it. None of the ants are interested in that. So, it will work best if I sprinkle it.. I will give it until tomorrow. If it doesn't work, then I will sprinkle the dry mix along the walls.

The ants were going to the sprinkled dry mix and Not the ones inside the jar lid.

Book the boiling water does work on the weeds if they are smaller. I wonder if they would work on the ants? Vinegar the grocery store kind is not strong enough to kill weeds. As A landscaper I buy horticultural vinegar which is 20% strength as opposed to 4-5% which is the grocery store strength. That can work on some weeds but since it is a strong acid one has to take more precautions when applying it. As it can burn you.
On a different note. Yesterday was my laser cataract surgery on my left eye. doc says went well. Vision is better but pupil still dilated and there is swelling so vision to improve over time. doc took out lense on eye glasses but its hard to see with my glasses until my Brian gets used to it over the next few days. So currently I am not wearing them. Hope no typos!

Book, check out the recipe online for vinegar/table salt spray for weeds. The salt does make a difference.

Thanks. I only have one small burner. From what I read online I need a large amount of boiling water to do the job. The scary thing is that it's the red ants territory moving closer to my bedroom wall. I'm thinking spray with commercial insecticide and then pour the hot water on the tall weeds. It's rainy season and the grass are growing so fast and the ants are moving into the house.

Just wanted to share this with all of you today (an article my friend send to me)
online.wsj/articles/life-lessons-from-dad-caring-for-an-elderly-parent-1403886423

Today I am feeling a bit stressed. Took dad to get his hearing aids fixed and went shopping got gas.. All he kept doing was rushing me to get back home. I told him to enjoy his time out while getting these tasks done.

I do believe I received my very first 'adverse ?' report from my social worker. The caregiver who came in yesterday reported several things to the office. Hospital bed is installed improperly (railing is damaged), my dad's feet are dangling off the bed (he LIKES it this way and purposely does it), he's complaining of pain because being in the bed all day and not moved to the wheelchair (my brother, BIL, niece's daughter's fireman husband offered to put him on the wheelchair and he always refuses), his urine is red (he absolutely refuses to go to the urologist and the home care nurse just changed his catheter). This is just for my information to see if there is anything that can be done to help my father with his current situation.

I was upset. And wrote her a long email back. I have offered to set up a meeting with her and dad's home care nurse so that she hears it from an outside source our home situation. OMG!!! My dad is just beginning in his dementia and I'm already being 'reported.'!! This is going on my record. Strike 1.

If this continues, I really need to seriously think of moving out of here. I will NOT be subjected to accusations. My dad is still not at the stage where he accuses me of stealing from him. I'm already getting darn scared because I've read enough here on this site what some caregivers have gone through! And my dad is just beginning and I'm already getting my first 'report'. I'm so upset.

Book, it is time to try to get your Dad to facility. If he were even the least bit cooperative I would think differently. Maybe the professionals would be able to convince your Dad to get out of bed, see a urologist, etc...

You have a home care nurse that visits regularly that knows how difficult the situation is. Ask the social worker is she can help to get your Dad in for a geriatric patch evaluation. Because of your Dad's obstinence, now you could get into trouble. There is nothing wrong with stepping back and letting the pros take care of it.

An additional thought that I have seen on these forums quite frequently is that letting go is not relinquishing care to someone else. You would still be caring for him, but in a different and more healthy way for your Dad and you. Take care of YOU, Book.

Glad, I told her that if she thinks she can get my dad to go to the urologist where the hospital doctor, his primary doctor and the home care nurses failed, then please come over...... I reminded her that when she interviewed me that my dad refuses to do PT with me. That was one of the things I requested from them - to massage or exercise his legs.

One person dies every 3 days of cancer here on island. I have heard in this past week of 1 person dying of cancer (she fought it so hard, flew to Japan, and nothing is working), another is fighting it. Bro's long distance girlfriend's SIL's kidney & liver failing (she's under dialysis.) They're going to amputate her left leg hoping it would stop her body from shutting down.

Book so sorry to hear what is going on with you. I suppose if it were happening to me I would have to do something about it. I am having a bad day, my anxiety is so bad and it was bad yesterday. Took mom to get a MRI and exray. Totally a waste of time since they know what is wrong with her. The pain dr is just trying to pull stuff out of his ass as he does not want to treat her any longer because he is so frustrated. They told me that they could not get a clear MRI of moms shoulder because she kept moving so much. I just realized today that she must have fallen asleep and was jerking around and breathing deep out of her mouth. Finally mom said I have had enough. The exray will just say the same thing we already know, bone on bone. No surgery for her as she cannot rehab her leg due to the severe pain in her shoulders. Then last night she started in with me about firing the gardener who was over charging her for years and doing a poor job. Then she said that I could move out if I did not like it here. She said this is my house and if you don't like it then leave. She cannot remember that my name is now on the title along with hers. I don't know why I cannot just take this in stride and get over it, I take it so personally. Its my just my nature to overreact. I am shaking today and trying to get a grip. Just needed to vent.

Book, stop right there. Why do you think you're being "accused"? The social worker is making notes about your dad's physical and living conditions - did anyone even suggest you're being held responsible for these issues?

My mother right now has a badly swollen left shoulder blade, a massive bruise on her right arm, a bruise on her back and another bruise on her thigh (plus smaller ones which are beginning to show after Saturday's fall). The sight of them makes me quail. But even at my lowest moments I know that anyone who knows the family also knows how hard I've bust a gut trying to prevent her falling: I'm not responsible, because I can't stop her. I don't even feel guilty, I just feel desperate about it. What the heck am I supposed to do? I get lots of sympathy from her GPs and all the team, nobody blames me, but nobody seems to agree that the time has come to restrict her movement either.

You do *very occasionally* get an inexperienced social worker, or one who doesn't know a client very well, who jumps to conclusions; but it really doesn't sound as if that has happened here, not if the email report was just marked for 'information.' When there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for a problem, that will be accepted. Nobody is going to blame you for things you can't control, such as your father wriggling his feet off the bed if he likes it that way. Honest.

I know it's still upsetting, but here is a back rub to cheer you up. Call the social worker on Monday and have a good chat with her. She's there to help, don't forget.

Oh bollocks.

Deep sigh. I was just about to throw away a patient information leaflet from a nearly finished packet of AdCal-D3 - it's only calcium and Vitamin D, for heaven's sake, how complicated can it be? - when, having an idle moment, I thought I might as well read it.

Do not take within 2 hours of eating, among other things, wholegrain cereals.
Do not take at the same time as iron supplements. Iron and AdCal should be spaced four hours apart.

Deep sigh, again.

I mean, they trot these instructions out like they're simple! And, by the way, I'll put money on it that not one GP in a hundred knows to mention that to their patients. Mother's been cheerfully glugging down the whole lot at breakfast (with her wholegrain cereal) and lunch (with her spinach) for at least fifteen years and more.

Oh bollocks. Wish I hadn't read the bloody leaflet.

So two iron and two calcium supplements each per day, four hours apart and not within two hours of wholegrain cereals or - oh bollocks to it, now I'll have to concentrate on all the other things they mentioned too. Me and my OCD. Terrific.

CM, burn the leaflet. Does it mention the reason for spacing them out so? Making it ineffective? Causing upset stomach? Any reason at all? Now I am going to have to read the leaflet with my D3+K2. A nurse friend told me that for D to be absorbed there has to be K available. So I bought one tablet that contains both K and D. But be careful those that take cumaden since K is the antedote when INR gets too high.

CM, when my mom died, I felt as if I was not a good caregiver. When dad was her main caregiver, she lasted over 13 years. Then I take over, and not even 1 year, she dies.

As for the social worker emailing me, it seems my dad wants them to do something about the situation. He was telling me about it today. How he told the person about this and that, and that she is going to tell her boss - who will do something about it. Which - her boss did - by writing to me. Now, because the new respite worker told dad that she's going to tell her boss, my dad is now going to bug her over and over until she gives in and gives the social worker's phone number. Then dad will call her and call her until she caves in - and tries to get everyone to do what her respite worker 'promised' my dad would happen. All 'against the wind.' Never, ever tell my dad that you're going to do this or that - unless you truly mean it.

You know what they mean about the hospital bed is installed improperly? My dad told me that because of the trapeze triangle lifter is dangling over the right side of the bed (note - not in the middle or on the left side where his left arm is useless). My dad has these fears - fear of turning and falling off the bed (despite the railings), fear of the trapeze falling and hitting him. We need that trapeze. We use it every time I change his pamper. And when he needs to pull himself up higher on the bed.