This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hazy, we can give you support, and hope, at least that you are doing a great job. And you wanting to read up on Alz is a great idea..... keeping in mind that no two people are exactly alike, tho many similarities...also sounds like she is very anxious.... and the music in her head is not helping... maybe a trip to the Dr for a starting point for you..... to get a general idea of her health issues also.... one of the irritating things about this disease, not all meds work like they are supposed to, sometimes they only work for a short while, so the more information you have the more you wont feel so overwhelmed with her outbursts....
Regardless of what path you take with her, come back here and share and make friends..... you will find that you are not alone in your feelings, and will get a lot of support..... hoping you find some answers soon and that you come back, you and College are on this crazy train with us now....hugs..
Also don't use all your money for all the household expenses. Yes your money should go to your share of the bills, food, etc.. But don't make it 100% all your money for the cost. I hope you're still putting money into an emergency fund. This is very important. Because if for some reason your mom decides to kick you out because you're not listening to her, you will have that money to cushion your fall. We don't know if she will do this or not. But just have an emergency fund. I have my emergency fund. I don't even tell fave sis because then she will keep borrowing from me. That's My Secret emergency money. Sis has access to my other bank account. That only has $2,000.00 in it. Because you have children, save, save, save. My secret savings account requires that I deposit $50/month. I Chose this option. That's how I'm able to save money - due to the obligation to put money in it.
I tried to think of a way in which to convince your mom to keep her Depends on. I can't. She might be like my mom. Mom hated her pamper. The minute we took it off,she started peeing and pooing! Even towards the end, when she was bedridden, and no response to stimuli,etc... When changing her dry pamper, she would start peeing/pooing! I always figured since years ago, that she must hate to feel the wetness and the poop smashing into her body. I mean, I would feel that way too.
Sigh...part of her job is to pretend to be a tooth fairy. So, she goes to the little girl's bedroom, bends over, and the little girl (eagerly awaiting for the tooth fairy and pretending to sleep) suddenly sits up - and they bumped head. Poor tooth fairy so stars and pain and then black. She gains consciousness, a bit dazed with severe pain, and hears this little voice asking worriedly if she killed the tooth fairy. And her mother trying to reassure daughter that she did not - but the mom's voice doesn't convey that conviction. .... I just kept laughing. It's been so very long since I've found a humorous book. I'm going to re-arrange my budget so that I can buy book 3 and 4 as ebooks since I'm not willing to wait for 6 weeks for a real paperback book is delivered by online order.
Spending habits. I suck at it. My true weakness is not books. It's purses. {{sheepishly}} I spent about $97 last week on 3 purses on sale at Macys. I do regret one of the purse but ... it was buy 1 and get 1 for $9.99. How can I turn that down?! I spent 1 hour trying to walk away - and then I went right back to it. That is $97.00 that I cannot afford. So, this pay check, I promised myself to buy only with the $50.00 cash I budgeted into my paycheck. No more charging credit cards @ Macys. I will need to go back to Mailing My payments to Macy. I went in last week to pay it in person, and got drawn in to the sale.
On another note. Has anyone used Tea Tree Oil Soap on themselves? My upper arms and my lower legs have these tiny rashes. My aunty's face has a lot of 'rashes' or 'bumps' on her face. I'm beginning to see that on my face now. When I shave my legs, those tiny rashes becomes super red and painful. I've stopped shaving - and can no longer wear shorts or capri pants to work or anywhere in public. I read that Tea tree oil is very good for skin problems. I ordered 3 soaps online but it's a mixture of Tea tree oil, olive oil, lavender oil. The soap has no suds at all. I tried it the first time last night. When I got out of the shower, my legs were stinging. I've only had that stinging sensation when I shave. I don't think my legs rashes like that soap. I will be showering soon and will try the soap again. Let's see if my legs still sting afterwards. I just wondered if anyone had a success story using Tree Tea oil soap.
Have you tried some cortizone ointment on your legs to clear up the rash. Do you use a new disposeable razor each time you shave your legs. that way it is really sharp and less likely to damage the skin. Don't know anything about tea tree oil but a good shaving cream may help.
LadeeM, I sure miss going to flea markets and yard sales. By the time I leave the house at 825am, the flea market sellers are closing up. I always envy fave sis when she shows me her great deals. One of these days, we can go together and hit all the flea markets on a Saturday morning and then yard sales on Sunday morning..or vice versa.
Rfox, maybe you can do what I do. Share some stuff that you liked on this site. I share with my sister some of the funny things that people share from like the thread...What is the funniest thing your parent said. (Something like that..I'm using the kindle and trying to get the title from memory.)
I've also been telling my sister and niece some of the situations here and how bad that dad might become (like accusing me and might call the cops on me.) Or how he might forget he cannot walk and will try.
Maybe you can share with your partner a bit of this and that. Not too much, as if you're trying to cram it into his face. Hopefully these little tidbits will get him curious. It would be best that you make it a point to sign out of here. Just in case he gets curious, he can sign up on his own name and not use yours. If posters here see your name having 2 different personalities, they will think you're a troll, a fake.
Using the kindle is too slow.it took me 30minutes to type this. I have more to say but it's time to get up, get dad up and change his pampers and breakfast, etc... I'm late as it is. I hope you both find some down time together from caregiving.
Oh my gosh, I remember growing up back in the '50's and '60's I was told you need a separate purse to match your shoes... thus if you have a dozen shoes each a different color you would need a purse for each. I never had the patience to put everything from one purse into another one on a daily basis :P