This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
There was this man who was fatally injured from a car accident. Our island is small. Word gets around. Family figured it was their relative (son? brother?) They went to the ER. The ER refused to release Any information. They didn't confirm or deny it was their relative. Hours went by as the they tried ways to see if it was their relative. Finally, hours later, they were informed by the hospital that so-and-so has just died. The family was so angry, they went on the radio to tell us. I wasn't surprised.
One man called the radio. He was taken to the ER by ambulance around 8am from the dialysis center. He kept asking for the ER to call his wife and let her know he's there. They refused. He asked for a phone and HE will make the call. They refused. About 8 hours later, they released him. And never did contact his wife.
My SIL's mother was in the ER. There was some major hissy fits between the nurses. The doctor in charge of the ER, ordered a lock-down. All non-patient persons must leave the ER now. Then they locked down for an hour. When they re-opened the door for visitors, SIL's mother said that the nurses kept yelling.
she is likely to refer you to a specialist and there may be another long wait. That has been my experience but I have partly put it down to being on Medicare.
If we all rally and get the word out thru agingcare here that I am trying to do this charity and alz assn is not available to help me___just maybe, maybe, those who can will book some space or at least put some money down for the sistahood.....So here goes I am winging it didn't want to have to do this but I don't want to lose all my hard work tomorrow at 11am pst.... so here goes, call royal Caribbean group sales....ask for the "HUMMINGBIRD HOUSE" GROUP sailing, western Caribbean, dec 20th.....Chose a cabin inside (no window) or outside (window) and up to 4 passengers per cabin...don't even know cost yeat cause they are being so difficult the cruise line that is, omg a whole nother story but I am still standing, and or apply payment and you have done your part and we could actually all be pampered this Christmas... k now I am done please let me wake up to a full ship!! it is our only hope! Or the media!!!
Fligirl, that was nice of your mom to ask. I think she feels that she's a burden and doesn't want to interfere or be a party-pooper. Whether she does join you or not, at least she knows that she's welcomed to join the activity.
My neck was back to hurting at work. I lowered the monitor to face a bit down and not upward - because I noticed that my head was also pointing up - angling the same as the monitor. I tried to push the keyboard away from me so that I can rest my hands - and my shoulders started hurting from reaching forward. I just have to keep playing around with the keyboard to find the right position. Right now at my laptop, I'm still typing with hands off the table. It's really hard to type and rest my hands. I will keep trying and trying.
I think any electronic ereaders are not for heavy duty reading for bookworms like me. No matter how much I try to dim the light, change the background, change the font size and the font... after hours of reading, my eyes are hurting. To lightly touch the eyeball causes such severe pain. I don't get that problem when I'm reading from a paperback. I finally finished reading the series. I'm going to look for a shorter ebook. It's just so rare nowadays for me to find a really good author who makes me laugh. Time to change his pampers. And need to remember to buy a bottle of calcium and leave it at work. I keep forgetting to take it after lunch.
Then Dad wanted me to drive him to a certain store because the store has batteries on sale... hello, what part didn't Dad understand a couple weeks ago when I told him I had to limit my driving because of major panic attacks? Order the batteries on line. He doesn't want to pay shipping. He doesn't realize how much it will cost me.... [sigh]
I got maybe two hours sleep last night as the stress caught up with me :P
The keyboard I have at work has one of those attachable hand rests that curve out at the bottom of the keyboard, makes it very comfortable :) As for the monitor, eye level is most recommended. The issue I have is with the computer desk itself, the pull out shelf for the keyboard isn't high enough so it is a tight squeeze to cross my legs under the shelf, thus I have caused some nerve damage to one knee... lowering the chair doesn't help because then I feel like I would bump my chin on the desk :P Getting older is getting more complicated then I thought !!
You know from taking care of MIL to avoid all tripping hazards in the house and have a clear path between furniture.
When you get your arms back consider using a cane or even a walker when necessary. Don't try and use both hand to carry things. leave one hand free to steady your self. Map a course through the house where you can stady yourself on furniture. Have hubby put up rails and hand holds in bathroom and two rails on any stairs. When you are healed practice better balence. Hold onto the kitchen sink and stand on one foot. When you are good at this do it just keep a hand over the sink for an emergency grab. while holding onto the sink go up on your toes to help strenthen your muscles. You may be tripping because you are not picking up your feet high enough or because you are simply unsteady.Sorry but you have to get used to not being as agile as you once were. For myslf i do all the same things. Walk outside with a cane and use a cart in a store or hold onto the shelf. it's a new way of life but it is better to bury the pride and keep yourself safe. Hope you get better soon. no hugs cause i might hurt you.
piggy banks for her and her 95 year old friend to use when they go to Bingo and win big. My mom had been going but stopped for some reason. When I got there on Sunday morning - she was sort of dressed and said she got up at 3:00 a.m. and didn't know what time it was so she got dressed and waited for 4 hours for my dad to get up. Then, she could no longer walk. I left to try to catch up on work during the day and got 10 phone calls - my dad lost the checkbook,
my mom didn't feel well, etc. When I got there Sunday night it was so sad. I know it is not about me - but it is terrible to watch my once smart and funny mother not remember if she ate in the dining room that day. I used to get so angry at an uncle of mine that would not visit my grandmother. She asked for him all of the time, when asked why he didn't come - he would say, "I can't stand to see her like this." I would always tell him - no one likes to see her like this - but she wants to see you. Get it together. Now I understand how he feels. People tell me how terribly sad I will be when I "lose" my mother. I feel like a lost my mother 2 years ago. So I am off to give a shower to my mom
and some help in getting her in pajamas and ready for bed. Lord knows - what their day has been like. I called to check in a couple of times but -of course sometimes they don't answer the phone - so what is waiting for me is always a big surprise.
In his mind, he has his priorities straight. He has 4 or 5 stocks that he talks about all of the time and he sounds very impressive. Ask him about anything else and he is at a loss. I really don't want to take over his financial affairs, it is all consuming for him and would be for me and it does give him something to do - but his fear of spending any money for anything is endangering both of them.
It's not that I mind the thing itself, although frankly I'd have liked to have got it back because I really liked it, but it was a good lesson in thinking twice before getting durable goods for very elderly people. Apart from anything else, by the time you get to 90 you've pretty much got everything you really want, haven't you? I think the celebrations and attention from people who care you about are much more important.
My ex-mother-in-law gave me a great idea about a gift... postage stamps... she started it with buying me stamps, and now I have been buyer her stamps [because I get more choices buying on-line] and buying my parents stamps. Lot of nice designs to choose from :)
I had often wondered how I'd feel if she didn't recognize me, as she always said it made her cry when her mother was in a nursing home and didn't know her. Instead, I felt relief!!! She spoke to me like a civil human being. I found myself wishing she would stay in that state, so I could just be a friend who came to visit, and not the daughter she projects all her anger upon.
At one point a CNA who used to work for me came up and said "HI, Boss!" and we chatted a bit. Later I pulled her aside and told her that Mom didn't know me, and I wanted her advice about how to handle the situation. She suggested that I let her go to her apartment, and then knock on the door and perhaps in her own environment, she'd recognize me. I followed that advice, and sure enough I was met with a sarcastic "Well, this is an unexpected surprise." Later she said, "oh, I had dinner with a woman, who knows that CNA that you are friends with."
Honestly, I like being a stranger she will be pleasant to, better than being her daughter upon whom she projects all her anger, blame, frustration, etc.
On a softer note, I'm so sorry for how you must feel about her losing these connections. Very hard. Hugs.
One thing I have noticed was years ago my elderly Aunt knew who I was whenever she telephoned me... but if I called her, she didn't know who I was even with a lot of prompting. I am being to notice that a wee bit with my ex-mother-in-law.