This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Do you have to take mom to the hospital to get her fluids back up? I was to the point of having to do that with mine, she could not keep anything down, even water, so every time we ended up in the hospital, they had to do a iv.
Jam, Seeme I hope you both get some much needed rest, I believe I am going to take my meds and a sleeping pill and see if I can't get some decent sleep tonight.. maybe no nightmares.
Just took the meds and think I am going to head to bed as well. Sweet Dreams everyone.
have a good nite!
I am glad I won 2000 cow patties; there is nothing better to fertilize the garden!!!
I am sorry for all the problems of health you and your relatives are having. We are quite well in this house, healthwise (do you remember that movie with Jack Lemmon and Shirley McLaine?), but I am very tired and my mother is more and more spaced out. And the fact that everybody in Italy is on vacation these days, I mean everybody (the middle of august is the period where everybody goes on vacation, I don't know if I already said that every single person in Italy is on vacation), well it makes this life harder. I guess everybody understands.
I think I shall have a coffee and start to work, after all...
Starri, hope kitty will travel...ASG..dad commented about wanting a hover round...just looked at him and told him no! As he would fall off or I would have to tie him on and run after him! Starri.. Dad ran into isle at walmart too! Thank God he didn't trash the place! Haha
Hope everyone gets good rest as much as possible tonight.. Love and prayers
ASG I am praying for your auntie its got to be so hard to see her like that. Mom is not at that stage yet though she does miss my dad a whole lot. They were married over 50 years. They pretty much did everything together and then suddenly they aren't there its hard. I don't think I'll be able to handle it when it happens. NO I know I won't be able to handle it.
Ros I am so glad Nicky is back to herself ... that must have been so scary for the little thing. Ah your cats sound great .. I have three of my own. One is Karma she's a white calico with extremely long hair ... then there is princess which is moms cat she's a black calico... extremely loveable. Then there is my kitten Starr (yes she's named after Ringo Starr lol) she's Princess's baby she is my cuddle bug she loves to climb on my lap or on my chest and curl up to go to sleep.
Ladee I hope you get a computer soon if I had an extra I'd send it to you but right now the only extra I got is a monitor and its one of those huge ones...
Jam how is col doing... hope she's not feeding the dog anymore!
Vic its good to hear that your dads doing better...mom tried one of those carts at walmart ... I don't even want to mention what she would run into. She used to have one of those scooters but the batteries died and we lost the battery pack. Maybe I'll find a way to get her another one as it be a lot easier when we go on walks not to be pushing her ... the whole time.
Starri have fun on your trip.... hopefully Kitty will enjoy it...
I actually slept late this morning, no nightmares for a change, but of course the sleeping pill helped.. will have to get hubby's butt out of bed here shortly, we have work to do on the camper.. I hope your day continues to go peacefully..
Checking in and so far looks like some had a good night. It's cloudy here, don't know if the rain will get us or not. It's only 69 degrees....opened the windows and enjoying the cool air.
Yes Shawna, the dog looks like a little round balloon! He'll go POP one of these days! I stopped counting nieces and nephews....too many! I have 8 grandchildren and as far as I know maybe one great grandchild...;)
Yesterday I finished putting together the other glider that goes out front on the patio, sat down and one of the welds on the metal part that makes it glide snapped off! And no I don't think I'm that heavy...:) Called the company and they are sending out a replacement. I was struggling to hold pieces and get them together and the neighbors pulled in and in a few minutes here comes the oldest boy, he's probably around 12. He finished helping me. Those kids are great! They worked hard all last winter keeping the driveway cleared of snow and cleaned off our front deck and pad so we could get the cars out. I also got the fire pit put together and it's also out there. Will be nice to go out in the Fall with a fire and just sit. Hard to believe it's the middle of August already and tonight there is a Chiefs game...woohoo football is back!
Guess I should start my day while it's still cool outside. My blind poodle is walking laps around the house....did that yesterday for hours....just walked. Occasionally she will stop and have a conversation with a wall or a piece of furniture, then it's off again. I let her stay outside this morning for a long time and just wander the yard, with the fence it makes it so nice to just let her do what she wants.
Hello to everyone who hasn't posted yet! Hope it's a good day for all and I will check back later...........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Had a pretty good night.....only up every hour-2hours. Have to do some housework. Hubby works this weekend, may take mom out so he can sleep. The temps are cooler and humidity not high. It will be easier on me getting her into the van.
Glad you didn't have nightmares, Starri......and it may take quite a while for them to go away.....it really hasn't been that long, ya know. Maybe taking sleeping pills until you get caught up on all the sleep you missed will help you heal emotionally and mentally.......and that's when a pet really helps. I used to sleep in a double bed with 90 lb. Old English Sheepdogs on either side of me. And my deaf male wasn't happy until he could put his head on my neck so he could feel me beathe. Talk about a noseful of hair !!!!!
Shawna, I couldn't have children either, endometriosis problems, so my pets were always my children. At this point in my life, I am just as happy without them. I've always had pets, usually two dogs at a time, and I plan to have 2 OES again. They grow too fast and would just get in mom's way or possibly hurt her. Between hubby and me we have 22 nieces and nephews, 17 greats with 4 more due by spring and 1 great-great on the way. That is enough for our family !!!
Got to get mom going and hubby left all the dishes for me from the baking last night. so I will check in later...................
jam how old is the blind poodle? - my daughter's cat started seeing imaginary things in corners the year she died -she was 15 - she just faded away - love gliders, never had one but want one - have a nice firepit and the fire ban is off now but the mosquitos are on - lots of Deet gets them but you have to shower and scrub after u use it - at least i do
shawna u sound good - hope your prep for the sale is going well -could you meet a guy online? works for lots - worked for me - i was engaged twice within a year before i met Gary lol - oh my!
STORMY - u lost it!!! we have been waiting for an update - later, I know
starri - glad u had a good sleep - know about animals under foot - one day, i swear... and tools,. tools, tools ahhh -and if you move it an inch so you can safely get by - they notice -Gary when he goes to the horses or for a hunting trio -well it is like an expedition every time and there are containers and boxes and tools and weapons and gear lined up in the front hall - I am learning to cook him a good breakfast, find the things he can't, console him when neither of us can find them, and stay out of the way but make supportive noises. You would be surprised how well it works and he leaves a happy man and I collapse in relief lol - peace again!!!!
vic u r sounding better - glad the eval is useful and gives some hope - didn't know trips to walmart could be so dangerous lol
YR - when so we get to see the new gorgeous u???? :)
ros - toonie is like nino -would make a great husband - very affectionate, and a good provider ( lots of dead meat) but then Gary is too when he is here lol - how about when ur mum gets poopy you accidentally spill something on her so she must change!!!
ladee - missing u
seeme - have hubby try the peroxide - regularly day am and pm - it really does work - hope u have a good day and glad u had a decent night - boy that's a lot of dog - had a cat that slept on my head like a hat - gotta love 'em
if I have forgotten anyone - not intentional - just the 6 of the 7 dwarfs are here visiting... and they brought a cousin
Sneezy - morning clear out. Sleepy - need more coffee Dopey - like spacey - not all here, Doc - self diagnonsis. Happy - sure, why not Bashful - got lost along the way a while ago Grumpy - he will go after coffee and they brought along Dizzy - who has been visiting a little more often than I like, but he is getting the hint and not turning up so often
on that note snow white (NOT) is off for more coffee and some home made sugarless chocolate - love it for brekkie!!! -
good day all
love hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Good Morning Jam, I'm glad to hear that you were able to get the glider fixed, it sounds like you have wonderful neighbors.. I am looking so forward to the fall, here in the South there are only three seasons I can deal with, Fall, I love, just a bit of nip to the air.. Spring is wonderful, everything blooming and coming to life again after a cold winter.. and winter I can tolerate..you can at least put on more clothes than you can take off.. I don't know where this Fall is going to find us..hopefully somewhere with a fire pit, or my wood stove at home, it has windows in the doors so you can watch the flames.. heat the house at the same time.
Morning Seeme, I am glad that the weather is cooler for you, beyond opening the doors and letting the brat's out, I haven't been outside yet, need to though, got to get off my butt and get some work done on that camper, the top is giving us some issues and those have to be dealt with before we even think about pulling out of the yard, Hope you and Mom have a good day out, what do you two like to get in to ? I don't know that I could share a bed with a 90 pound sheep dog..lol, but then he'd probably give me more room than hubby does.. I've learned to sleep down on the bed cause hubby is good for rolling over and hitting me in the head with one of those tree trunks he calls arms.
I have 3 kids (besides the three furry ones) 6 grandkids, (thankfully, no great grandkids yet, ours are all still to young to start that) 8 nephews and no nieces.. All the kids and grands are out in CA, another of the reasons for this trip. Seeme you should not have let him go to bed without cleaning up his mess...or was the banana bread worth it?
Jo, so good to see you this morning, I loved the dwarfs lol.. although mine isn't dizzy, he's ditzy.. well, hubby just got up, on his own even without me having to tell him to get up...wooo hooo, we might actually get something done today..
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Yesterday I found another enlarged lymph node this one is on the left side under his jaw. Opposite side of where his original tumor was. But me and sis are freaking out about tues. and what the dr is going to say going to have to take a nerve pill and my antidep. for that day for sure. Sis told dad that we got to go to duke to find out if there is infection going on or cancer. Dads response was WHAT CANCER? And we both thought oh my lord he has no idea, he thinks the surgeon got all the cancer. what are we going to do????????? So scared. We just don't know if he wants to know if the cancer has spread. And sis is wondering whether or not to ask him that. And i have no answers for her. But that dr better be straight with us or i will find a way to string his ass up!!!! sick of this sh$# running from dr to dr not telling us nothing. And keeping us in the dark about everything. Sis called dads primary dr the other day about his leg(it still looks terrible) and talked to the receptionist and said dr. ------ did nothing and told us nothing about what is going on with his leg or what to do for it and she said are we suppose to just wait until it rots off and then find out whats going on with it!!!!!! and the recept. said no no. But she told sis well you can bring him back up here to dr. shithead my name for him. And sis said what for he's not going to do or tell us anything. I could believe she said all that to that woman. I said you go girl you tell them!!!!! So that is what has been going on just waiting or in other words dreading tues. 4 days left....... Well i will talk to ya'll later!!! Love and hugs stormy
Take care of yourself in all this ok?
Seeme, I am so excited you are finally getting some help, and thanks for updateing me on the thread....
Heide, I got the Ground hog thing right away.... pretty much says what my life is most of the time...
Starri, you aren't leaving, you and hubby are parked in the driveway, have everything you need close by..... you know that is some weird fanatasy you keep sharing with us...
Kwazy, hope you come back and see us again... great friends to be made here..
InServoce, thank you so much for your very kind and encouring words, and doing something in her memory is a great idea... thanks... come back and visit with us..
ASG, God I have missed you girl...... sorry to hear your Aunt is on that roller coaster, let us know how things are going,, and I want pics of you on the hoverround....
Ro, how is Nicky, and how are you, have you got to go swimming any lately... hugs
Vic, happy to hear papa is hearing better and doing better overall... and you get to have grown up conversation.... how cool... it 's been awhile for me,,,
Shawna, hey girl hope you are ok.....
YR, glad to see you here letting us know you are ok...
Stormy, I am so sorry you are not getting any answers, and you and sis are so stressed about what all to tell your dad... hugs prayers and love sent your way..
emjo, glad you are feeling better.... miss talking with you...
Jam, so happy to see you posting again.... and there needs to be consequences for Target not helping,,, extra time with the col maybe... love ya.
I may get to move this weekend... will try to let ya'll know somehow..... Miss everyone so much..... will let ya'll know if I can work out something for a comp soon....
Love and hugs across the miles.....
Love ya sweetie,
Jam
Just in case you get too busy or I do. What a young 'un !!!! Sometimes it amazes me to realize how old I am......I could be your mother.!!!!!!
Hope you have a great one and heck - stretching it a little I could be your grandma
hope you take some time for you! ((((((hugs)))))
Can I offer a suggestion for next week? If I was sitting in the office with my sister and dad, I would tell the doctor I would like to know the results of the scans. Then I would immediately ask dad if he wanted to know before the doctor said a word. Let dad answer yes or no. If yes, procede with the diagnosis. Dr may add the prognosis, and stop there with dad in the room. If the news is bad, ask the dr in the hall what is to be expected down the road. Does that sound like a plan? Maybe they even have a pamphlet or book about whatever it may be. And remember, the doctors don't know it all. With my dad's lymphoma, he died from complications of the disease. A flu virus could have killed him just as well as the cardiac infarction did. Hope this helps you decide how to handle dad..........(((((HUGS)))))
It seems everyone is on a even keel for today. I guess we are here too. It's all so monotonous.
On a good note both my MIL and FIL's doctors told them that they are in the best health (even with the terminal cancer and the parkinsons) than they have been in in two years and told them that they should thank hubby and I for all the help to get them healthy. It's such a thankless, hard job somedays that it's nice to know it's not for not.
My MIL will not outwardly admit that she still has the cancer and that it is growing each day. She thinks that they just stopped chemo because the cancer is all gone not that they stopped chemo because there is nothing more that they can do with out killing her with the chemo first. I think she knows deep down but does not want to beleive it. I think her denial attitude and refusal to face death has slowed the growth of the cancer though. The doctors are a bit baffled why she is still with us. God's plan I guess!
So nice to have cooler weather here in St. Louis. It's been so hot! I have all the windows open for two days now with just a fan and the fresh air is glorious! Coming from New England I am not used to air conditioning!
I pray everyone has a chaos free, healthy weekend! XO Heidi