This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I think my Dad comes from a generation where the men didn't ask others *how are you doing?*. It was always the women being Florence Nightingale, and heaven forbid if Florence got under the weather. One could be on what feels like their death bed and someone will ask "when is dinner?" :P
that she got back up and dressed again because she thought it was morning.
He wanted me to come back and help her back to bed. This time I suggested that she rest on the couch and he put some blankets on her. Apparently that worked - she went to sleep on the couch and I was up the rest of the night. Taking care of one person is challenging - taking care of two is like Mission Impossible. The exhaustion and isolation is overwhelming. One day at time is all one can reasonably do.
Goldengirl, I can tell that you are done, too. I was wondering what other options were there for you. You're in the same place many of us are, needing to get some joy back in your life. I wish I could figure out a good way to do it. Driving a new car to a new uncluttered house of my own might do it for me. :) What a sweet thought that is.
As for the trolls, after a while I see the same writing and answering patterns, and knew I had stuck my foot into some quick sand. Some of those writers need to write for Lifetime Movies :)
Sunny
Hi Herbalizer, Welcome to AC (AgingCare). You have a full house of caregiving recipients – your husband, daughter , puppy and needy cats. I do believe you have stretched yourself thin for everyone and no time-out for yourself. The real time-out…not doing the house chores while they’re away at the dentist. Don’t feel guilty if you use your free time Not doing housework. I know what you mean about no family support. It was just dad & I with caring for bedridden mom (bedridden over 13yrs). When he had a stroke (at age 84) and became bedridden, not one of my 7 siblings offered to help me care for Our TWO bedridden parents. Within a year of his stroke, I just couldn’t handle it anymore – and became seriously suicidal. I found this site about 3 days before my suicidal decision. This was the real deal. I had the when, how, and the exact date to implement my foolproof painless suicide. I came on here and asked for help. There were some very wonderful people who gave me such great advice, even when I didn’t want to accept it. I will be forever grateful to them and this site. Please don’t let the stress of caregiving get to you. It’s going to be sooo hard for you since you can’t find physical support groups or even a respite care. Asking family for help over and over - gets to the point that it just makes you more and more angry, bitter and resentful that you have to keep asking. I know what that’s like. I’m glad you found this site. It does help. A Lot.
Goldengirl, I hate it when I go through depression. For the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with mine. I’ve spent the past couple of weeks crawled up in my books, reading all the time. Books make me laugh and takes me away from my life here. I know that feeling of not wanting to go home…to face the reality. Don’t feel bad about not wanting to take care for your mother anymore. It’s called the caregiver’s guilt. We always find something that makes us feel guilty. It’s so hard to ignore it. {{HUGS}}
She got my history - very thorough person. Asked how many siblings I have, how many brothers, how many sisters, ask about my dad (his medical history), ask about my mom (when she died and her history), my medical history, etc... She was surprised that all these years of my headaches and I never ever saw a neurologist. I've had a catscan and an MRI for my headaches. She said that she prefers to send patients to a neurologist first before ordering those. And I never saw a neurologist? No....
I decided to concentrate on my nosebleed. Since my first nosebleed, it's been bleeding since then. Mostly when I blow my nose. Blood comes out instead of the normal stuff. Nice bright red blood. Lastnight, I did my usual gungho sneezing fit (that hurts my throat), and my nose got all stuffed up. So, I tried to Gently blow my nose because I couldn't breath. Out came this bright red thick bloody yuck. I stared at all that fresh bright red blood on the tissue.
She said that she wanted to check my ears. I said, "Oh, speaking of ears. My right ear sometimes the sound goes dull and I get this sharp inner pain. Inside the ear." She wants me to try a steroid nose spray and some pill antihistamine before referring me to the ENT.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up the nose spray. I asked the guy how do I use it since I've never used a nose spray before. So he called the pharmacist. She explained to me how to do it. She opened the box, told me that I need to pump it several times. I aimed the bottle straight up, and she said, "No, don't aim it to you or upwards - because it would spray into your face. Aim it away from you. Then pump it."
Then she showed how to close one side of the nostril with the opposite hand, lean a bit forward, stick the bottle up the nostril using the opposite side hand. She said that it's very important not to aim it straight up because it will shoot into the vessels - which would make it bleed. By using your opposite hand to insert it in, you're automatically angling the bottle away from the vessels. ... Ohhhhh. Smart!
When she was done, I thanked her very sincerely. She said that in all her years as a pharmacist, no one ever had asked her how to use the spray bottle...with so many questions. {{chuckling}} I'm her first. Don't know if I should be proud or feel insulted that I'm so dumb to have to ask How to do it. =/