This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
After 4 years of being on the anti-hormonal meds, I gave up on them... the side effects had done too much damage.... I rather live a more quality life than a lousy longer life.
A former co-worker of mine [I had since left the company] refused any western meds, too... she did the macrobiotic diet and for her her stage 4 cancer disappeared for the past 20+ years... she also had her hubby on the same diet as he also had cancer and he was doing great until he got off the diet and his cancer came back. Makes you wonder what in the world are we eating that is killing us.
My heart dropped at the word cancer. I know of only one person who did the natural route when he got diagnosed with cancer. Husband and wife researched and they completely changed their lifestyle and eating habits. They went into herbals and avoided food that fed the cancer. He is still here today.
My ten year old niece and others have gone through the radiation route. Weakened her, lost weight, couldn't keep anything in, and her body just gave up. Her last thoughts in the end was misery.. She could not stop throwing up even when there was nothing to throw up. Her body just couldn't take it. They found the cancer too late. Hospice care would have been preferable, in hindsight.
Omg!! I better get up. Dad is grunting. And now I smell poop wafting in the air. I looked at him. His hand is inside his pants. Darn it!!! It's going to be a mess. 7am. Later...
I was originally from upstate New York where one learned to drive in blizzards. But since I have been living here in the DC metro area for decades now, I have learned to panic along with everyone else :P
Right now we are having our first snow of the season.... it's coming down in quarter size clumps of snow. This is real early for us as we usually don't even have snow until after Christmas.
I was in the livingroom when niece came in. She went out. I then went to the kitchen to help out. Niece came in the kitchen. Walked out. I went back into the livingroom. Niece came back in via the livingroom entrance. Then went right back out. I then went back into the kitchen. Niece came back in via the kitchen entrance door. Then went out. I then went back in the livingroom, typing in the laptop. She opens the livingroom door, pauses and stares at me. I looked at her.
She said, "Gees, Aunty, every time I enter, you're in the room. Kitchen, livingroom, kitchen..."
Dad is on antibiotics for his returning UTI. Tonight, he has absolutely refuse to take it. I knew this would happen sooner or later. Before his stroke, he would never ever take any white man's medicine. I was surprised that since his stroke of 2 years ago, he took it. Tonight, he won't take it. I've tried reasoning, warning him of the consequences of not taking it, etc... He won't take it. I will need to remember to leave a note for the home nurse when he/she visits while I'm at work.
I guess I'm stressing and not realizing it? I've been waking up lately so exhausted. It feels as if I haven't slept in a long time. That kind of exhaustion. Weak, foggy brain, very very sleepy and can't think (due to the sinus headaches since yesterday.) I must be stressing big time and don't even know it.
At least I was able to post one comment today. Oh, this makes it 2 comments. Night all.
Sometimes, I wish that oldest sis can just help out a bit. I don't get as frustrated as before. Now that I was made aware of here that she's being passive-aggressive with me. It's her way of getting back at me - for being able to leave the house and not caregive dad for hours from Mon-Friday. I looked at myself in the mirror at nights in the bathroom. My face has aged a lot since dad had his stroke. I think helping him caregive mom since I was age 23 or 24 has taken it's toll on me especially when he had the stroke. We shared the work. With sis and I as tag teams. I feel as if I'm doing the bulk of the work. Where I'm sure that She thinks she's bearing the bulk of caring for dad. Nurse-to-be niece says that the house smells like cigarettes. Oldest sis is now going outside to smoke like 2 or 3am. She never did this before. According to you all, a smoker usually sleeps and has no urge to smoke until she wakes up. Well, lately, she's been smoking at 2-3am every early morning. So, I guess sis is really stressing out, too, from dad's mouth.
Last night, she kept laughing so joyfully, carefree in her bedroom. I was walking behind her when she entered her bedroom, while I was going to the bathroom. The minute she walked in the bedroom and closing the door, she was getting mad at 'someone' in the bedroom. My eyes widened. I tried to listen in. She was getting mad for a while. When i came out of the bathroom, she was laughing, talking. Sigh.... I'm so torn.... Mental problem? Or Boogaloos (spirits)? But you know what
The doctor made me smile, here she is a successful Cardiologist, and she, too, has elder issues. She said another doctor in the practice is dealing with the same issues with his parents.
My grand daughter will help me a lot and I can play with the baby and Lilly, great grand daughter. That will lighten my heart. Sending love to you all! I am so happy she stopped yelling. I shake when she does that. It is nerve racking because I can't figure out how to help her when she doesn't listen to me at those times. Next time I should take her to the hospital to get a shot or a pill. I will call the doctor for sure before I take her.
There has been a successful cancer battle and a lost battle in my family. I have learned each person is different in their fight. I know you have your boxing gloves on. Start knocking out those bad cancer cells. Sending you a Very Berry Shake!
Don't these authors have IMAGINATION!! Why, oh WHY, must the main character be accused of murder and have to prove their innocence? {{gritting teeth}} In frustration, I grabbed a sci-fi book, chapter opens up with a kick-a** hot female, going into a bar, and arrests the ugly monster bloater. Monster keeps bloating and bloating until he blows itself into smithereen. Yucky goo all over her. And she's pissed off at her 'intel' and the bar owner is 'hot' himself...typical bad guy, etc.. Now THIS is a book. Thank you! Finally, with book number 5.
Dad did not take that same antibiotic he refused lastnight. I came home after work today, and it's still there on his bed. Frustrating....
I need to finish the nasal spray. If my headache continues, the doctor said that I can then make an appointment with the neurologist. After we got all our bases covered, then she will get me a referral for the ENT. I wish we could just bypass the neuro and go to the ENT. These headaches are awful. My whole right side of my head/face (cheeks) are throbbing in pain. Can't take asprin for the pain. Ty