This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I have a terrible cold, sleep 15 hours a day and at the point of running away. The hospital was wonderful - the rooms very nice - I thought about collapsing so someone could bring me food and tuck me in and let me sleep for about 2 weeks. My dad has decided that they should move back in with me since they were doing better than at assisted living. They can move back in with full time nurses and I will go to assisted living. God knows, I need some assistance. My mom keeps saying she will never walk again and that she doesn't understand why I put her in this place. She now thinks that she lives in Kentucky - we live in Florida and that she has hiding places that she goes to so no one will find her.
If I could only find that place. After five years of this, I have bottomed out. I have given up all hope that things will get better. I get by one day at a time - and even one day is too much. Sorry for the rant. Instead of burnedout13, I am burnedout-one million.
I deal with that on a regular basis with my own parents. Like tonight on the phone, my Dad once again asked for me to schedule them to see the eye doctor for new lenses... and once again I had to tell Dad that I am very busy getting ready for surgery next week, there's a lot of prep work I need to do. And after surgery I won't be able to be their tour guide for the rest of the month. But Mom is having trouble seeing... yes, Dad, she has macular degeneration and has had that for several years now, her eyes have not change from 6 months ago when we last saw the eye doctor....
oh where is my helmet, I have a wall to bang my head on :P
But today she was happy and grateful and the sarcastic, hurtful person from Wed is someone different today.
Healthwise it turns out she doesn't have a prolapsed uterus but a dropped bladder.
Also all her tests on all kinds of things came out fine. No UTI.
I see that I need to be as flexible as she is variable for my own mental health.
Keep trying to find the good. Keep trying to be tolerant, detached, give a hug when it's a good thing to do, don't hold the grudges, don't try to correct her or inform her about myself. Let go as much as possible of the old junk. It's good for me to do so.
Also finished up most of my holiday shopping today, and waiting now for items I had ordered on-line as I dislike mall shopping. I just hope I will be able to wrap gifts next week. Sig other said to mail them unwrapped, and if the gifts are late getting there, so be it. Now if only I could turn off my ODC to do that :P
The only reason I did it was because I KNOW that there's something wrong with the front of my car. I can FEEL it but I don't know the problem. That is only ONE of the front end problem of my car. I Know that there is more. I have gone several times to my new car's dealership for these repeated "ghost" problems that their mechanics INSISTED there's nothing wrong...as long as my car was under the warranty. Example, I kept smelling this chemical smell coming from the air con vent. I took my car in several times. They told me condescendingly that the car does not have freeon. (I said that maybe the freeon is leaking out from the air con and coming in the vent.) I told them that when it gets fogged inside, it's Green fog not white. Green??? (Made me feel like a hypochondriac with my own car!) For years, while under warranty, they kept saying that there's nothing leaking. There's no freeon. Nothing that is green should be coming inside the car, etc.... Then, one day, my air con was dead. Completely. I took it in. My car was 5 years old when the air con died. There was a leak in the air con. It's a $1300.00 repair job. Fortunately for me, when I got the car, I took the extended warranty. And I took my car in faithfully for maintenance - which I paid out of my own pocket. So, they repaired it without any cost to me - under warranty. I bet they were hoping it would conk out after the warranty. The warranty ended this past February.
I have taken my car in Several Times about the car almost dying out when driving slow, or wobbling when going uphill, or how the engine screeches so loud when I turn it on in the morning... and nothing. These past 6 years, they kept shrugging it off, saying that there's nothing wrong. The most recent was 2 months ago.
So, I took my car Outside the dealership, to another automotive repair shop. They were very nice. The job work I chose was to be $875.00. But, they just charged me $600.00 for the front struts job ($875), an oil change($45) And a front alignment ($75)! I guess they must have cut back on all the 'unnecessary' repair jobs. Except..... now my car is obviously now shaking while idling and going up the hill. Ugh! That is Also one of the problems I brought up- several times - with the dealership while my car was still under warranty. sigh..... I'm venting because money is tight. My car is 6 years old, in this salty environment, all parts will start breaking and be needing replacements. And I don't have the money for these repairs.
Good luck with your car, Bookluvr. You tried to do all the right things. Glad you found a new car repair place.
I think that caregiving is more about letting go, acceptance, and deepening your own relationship to oneself, as you see yourself in relationships to others. At least that seems to be my lessons.
When it started last night, within minutes of getting in the house, instead of turning on the news, I turned on America's Funniest Home Videos. It was a miracle, pratically none of what has become the nightly routine of complete and utter disorientation and anxiety. TV of any sort has become very difficult for Mom to watch. She constantly asks to have the volume turned up. And I don't think it is a volume issue, rather she just does not understand what she hears. But show her videos of funny animals, kids, or just plain stupid adults with some of the stunts people will record, and VOILA! Nothing short of a miracle, brain too busy trying to process what she is seeing. And her hubby? He was laughing at many of the videos and Mom trying to figure out what was so funny. Instead of getting stressed, he was laughing, instead of getting anxious at least Mom was enjoying sitting next to him on the couch.
Hope these old reruns are on every night!
So happy to hear that others have issues with the Television. Wow, my dad's whole day is revolved around the tv. Watching the news with an old racist man is not fun, nor is it good for my 4 homeschooled children. 😱 lol. I love the idea of AFV .We will try that, or Ridiculousness on MTV is seriously funny also by the way!
Getting him a new tv for his room for Christmas will be am amazing gift for all of us, I think.