This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Dad on the other hand hasn't talked about mom for several months and I am not sure if/how I want to bring the topic up despite bringing mom up in conversations.
I just do not know if I handled the entire conversation well or not.
Fave sis gave me a gift .. an IPad Air and a keyboard. She spent so much. I truly tried to look excited. But I got more depress because she's drowning with bills, a shopaholic, and she's digging her hole deeper. Not my problem but it's hard to not take it on.
I will no longer be able to dye my hair. Yesterday, I did a touch up that ended up with the whole hair. Scalp burning. Then, while waiting for the dye to set in, l was startled to feel my lips tingling. Oh no.. I only get that when I'm allergic to something. More waiting. Then my tongue started tingling. Okay..no more dying my hair. Another event to make me depress. Came home and googled signs of allergy to hair dyes. Yep, it's allergy. The more I expose myself to it, I can eventually have a sudden reaction that may require a last minute visit to the ER. Googled and found that there are dyes that I may be able to use without getting an allergic reaction.
So, I will tell you a story about hair dye that I hope will put a smile on your face and maybe bring forth at least a bit of a chuckle.
High school proms are very memorable occasions for students and families. Each prom I made my daughter's dresses that gave them both one of a kind garments. They both had long hair so styled quite easily in the salon. They always looked so beautiful for the high school dances.
The surprise was my son! He thought he would please his gurlfriend by dying his beautiful blonde hair black. She was kind of a goth, thank goodness his taste in women has much improved!
Well anyway, my son decided he did not like the black hair look, so decided to use bleach, you know clorox, to get his own color back. All this so far is without my knowledge. He called me in tears to tell me what he had done and his scalp was burnt and his hair, a shade of green. So, I took him to my stylist to try to undo some of the damage that he had done. This isn't sounding very funny is it. Stylist ended up having to shave his hair very short, and naturally could not do anything about the burns. But, it did look better and he wore a hat to prom.
Moral of the story? If your son is going to prom which should be easy compared to getting a daughter ready don't take for granted that you may still spend hours in the beauty shop with him.
It is quite funny now, even to him.
1. If you need to search a subject, on the top right is the search engine. The site must have made some changes because the other day, I tried to use it, and ended up with frustrations. In the end, I gave up, and looked through some of my Microsoft Word notes to find this specific thread/discussion I was looking for. Too bad, the old search engine was so much better than the current one.
2. On the top right: MY ACCOUNT / PUBLIC PROFILE / SIGN OUT. If you click on the Public Profile, you will find your message board in which posters have sent you a message or HUG. Please not that if you don't hit the 'PRIVATE" message, anyone can read anyone's comments here.
3. If you want to know more about a poster, just click on their name, and it will take you to their message board. If you don't see anything at all - then they made it private so that no one can read anything that was written/HUGGED to them.
4. In the top right in the Box: Your Account. You have: NEWSFEED (it updates you on the latest comments on threads/discussions that you have commented on.) ACTIVITY - is where you can find the threads that you have commented on. FOLLOWING - every comment you make, that thread/discussion will go here. The same if you click on 'FOLLOW'.
Hope this helps. Later...
I bought the twister exercise with attached stretch ropes at Ross. As all exercise gimmicks (I've bought the foot exercise bike, the heavy duty foot stepper (got tired and wobbly and almost fell off several times), yoga mat (ended up in the corner collecting dust - ended up giving it fave sis), and lots of Exercise Apps (!! haven't even tried one yet). sigh.... I'm gaining weight Fast on my belly. I look pregnant. And most of my work slacks and jeans no longer fit. I cannot afford to buy new clothes..since I may not have a job next year. As it is now, I've been let off early from work without pay. So, my paycheck is really getting smaller and smaller.
Finally, a few nights ago, I decided to use the twister. I don't know how to use it - so I googled, "how to use ..." I found several sites but finally hit the pay load 2 nights ago. One site (experimentalpro) has some great exercises (total of 11) to build up to. But it was computer-generated figure doing the exercise. I needed a real life person doing it. So I found another one by mastermoves. This is where I learned the importance of standing straight when doing it and Not to move your upper body. Only your waist and legs do the moving.
For the past 2 days, I've started out simple. I mean, 5 minutes in the morning (!!) is great for me. And then do more in the evening. I only do like a very simple moves right now. I want to get my body used to the darn disc (which keeps moving when I don't want it to.) Anyway, I wanted to let you know, that with just only 5 minutes AM/PM, I find myself actually sitting up straight! I'm a huncher - from years of reading books. I would slouch on the bed or the chair and read. Same with the computer. I realized today, that I'm actually sitting up straight. Yippee... And the great thing about this twister exercise? It doesn't take out a lot of energy from me - since most times, I'm always so tired.
I've also bought an Aquastone Humidifier from Kmart. I filled it 2/3 of water last night. This morning, I woke up okay. No stuffy face. I actually set it next to my sofabed. I'm now thinking of buying more and put one next to dad's bed. I've noticed that lately he's been picking his nose. Hopefully the humidifier will stop that habit. Unfortunately, it costs $18.00.
What I need is flexibility work. Yesterday while shopping the store we were at had polished floors and I must have stepped wrong and pur my right foot down at the right edge of my boot and down I went. I feel on left knee and left wrist as my right ankle twisted. So embarrassed!
Today lower back stiff along with ankle. Ack.... ao much to do before the holidays yet.
I'm trying to get the nerve to go back to the doctor and say that the spray is not working. Well, it does but it gives me headaches. So, I stopped using the spray. Are all nasal sprays scented? I can't stand the aroma on this one. Reminds me of some kind of flower. And I don't like the scent.
Glad, I think I'm doing that twister wrong. My knees started hurting this afternoon. I'm back to watching the videos over and over - just observing the knees movements.
Other fave niece passed the nursing course. Today, they have their certificate ceremony. She asked her stepdad if he would do the honors of coming onstage and do the pinning on her collar. I'm so proud of her. She's going to be the first nurse in our whole family as in uncles/aunties/first cousins. Time to sleep...
I laughed at your comment about knowing who really loves you by those who are still there helping you. That is soooo true! When I used to attend my weekly spiritual food on Sundays, there was a talk/sermon from the speaker about the different kinds of people in the congregation. I thought of this when I read your post. I will tweak it a bit to fit our caregiving situation.
There are different types of people.
There is the sailboat - who only sails in good weather (or friends who only know us when we have no responsibilities like being a caregiver, and we go with the flow in life- bar, dance clubbing, weekend getaways, lunch and dinners out together.)
Then there's the submarine - they only come up for important events (friends/family you only see at special occasions like birthdays, weddings, etc..)
Then there's the tugboat - chugging along slowly and steadily forward, helping other boats along the way (friends/family who are there with all your ups and downs.)
Religious-wise, I'm the submarine. Caregiver-wise, I'm the tugboat. I'm not interested in water and the different vessels. So, as I was posting this, I kept wondering which one is oldest sis. She doesn't really fall in any of the above. Maybe sis can be the Row boat (I made this up just now). She goes out when it's clear weather. When there's a typhoon, she's hiding in her bedroom (or in land.) After our first typhoon, I learned that sis will not stay out here to take turns with dad. Even if it is on a Monday-Friday. When I'm home, she's gone.