This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Most of all, I'm saving like crazy to have enough money to buy my ticket to the states ($2000.00). I need a vacation from caregiving and work. I just need to make sure all supplies, sitters, food are all taken care of before I leave. And if any emergencies happen - I tell them to call 911.
I'm trying to listen to Dave Ramsey on money managing. I've completed his #1 (Emergency Fund) and #3 (Unforeseen expenses/ covers 6 months of my current bills). My reward for meeting this - is this trip to Norfolk, Virginia in late June or early July. I have about $1000.00 more to go. My tax refund + my medical rebate of $150.00 will help me to reach it. (although I really should use these towards paying off my credit card and loan.).... Thanks, jenni!
I'm finding myself becoming a bitter and unhappy person. It doesn't help that I'm gaining weight and I get disgusted with myself.
Keeping my goals simple. Be nice to everyone, exercise that tummy away, truly make that midnight snack a snack (and not a meal) and find laughter and gratefulness daily.
With that said, time to get up and start my day by changing dad's pampers. It's 7am and he has been quietly lying there waiting for me to wake up. Today, he's not demanding that I get up.
Shilo and cmag - I hope your year has some improvement or happiness for you! I saw on the TV that laughter makes such a difference in us - if we can do it daily. Force yourself to laugh out loud - works just as well as one from the heart. I think I would feel ridiculous to do a forced laughter. I will just go watch that Ellen show with the haunted halloween YouTube video.
Veronica - I'm learning to appreciate the little stuff. Especially when I read yours and Ladee's and other caregiver's personal angsts that make daily life a struggle despite these pains. If you guys can handle it, so can I.
Happier New Year everyone!
I hope everyone has that happy person inside of them and can reach in and grab it.
Happy New Year to everone
I certainly would not be hosting a Christmas party next year.
It has nothing to do with getting old but everything to do with inconsiderate slovenly behaviour.
I would never have stood for that kind of behaviour especially from the dog. If it is not house trained it doesn't come period. I hope you are begining to recover today. what a nightmare. Hugs.
I admire everyone for the care they give their parents and spouses.
Herbalizer, my support system took Years to get where it is today. When I found this site about 3 years ago, I was seriously suicidal because I was tired of doing the major caregiving of Our parents (8 children), yet all my siblings lived their lives, had family, vacationed every year, etc… I have spent years updating them of the parents, subtly working on their conscience to help what Little they were willing to do, etc… It was this site that helped me to just Let It Go – my 24 years of expecting my siblings to step up and help me. Now, I take what’s given to me – and appreciate it. My fave sis – paying all those expensive gadgets? That’s her guilt for not doing her share of caregiving. I don’t throw it back in her face. I accept it – and drag my feet on learning how to use it. I can truly say, that I cultivated my siblings to where we are now today. But this all fell to pieces when mom passed away. Funerals have a way of tearing the family apart. I no longer try to keep the family together. Let’s just say that I was very disillusioned.
As I read your words, all I keep thinking was – no more xmas parties. Or if you do want to continue the tradition, you and hubby and daughter living with you – need to plan ahead for the xmas 2015. Make RULES.
1. Only house trained pets allowed.
2. You are responsible for your pet and their messes. If you cannot clean up after them, then No Pets Allowed.
3. If you make the mess, Clean It Up. There are NO MAIDS in this house. If you cannot clean up after yourselves, then we strongly recommend that you rent a motel/hotel room. They have room services that will clean up after you.
4. If you cannot abide to the rules above, you will not be invited to stay in your house for any future holidays or visits. Hotel or motel is your new accommodations.
Hopefully if you three can come up with rules - that might help a lot for not just christmas but for any future family get togethers.
One passenger claimed that her big brown pig was an 'Emotional support' pig. Another passenger saw this woman coming down the aisle of the US Airways plane, and he thought she had a 'really big dog' or a stuffed animal thrown over her shoulder... As she got closer, there was no denying that the woman was carrying a big brown pig, perhaps 70-80 lbs. The passenger was allowed to bring the pig on board as an 'emotional support animal' under DOT (dept of transportation) guideline.
Apparently it was not meant to be. Before the plane took off, the passenger and her pig were kicked off for being 'disruptive.' How were they disruptive? Fellow passengers told the Hartford Courant that the big brown pig stank up the cabin of the tiny DC bound aircraft and defecated in the aisle... When the woman tied the pig to the armrest and tried to clean up after him, the pig began to howl." (I didn't know pigs can howl. I thought they 'squealed'.)
Well, the things people would do to get their pets to travel with them!
Found out that the lady who had the room next to Dad's passed away Saturday. She only moved in early December and was 79.
Then found out my good friend and boss, her mom is at death's door. She moved into AL in August and was also diagnosed with lung cancer at that time. We have shared quite a bit dealing with the health issues of our parents.