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Well, Im back home now (Ca.) after my visit to mom (Id.) ... Today I feel good to be away from the dysfunction and sad for her. We spent the last day not talking at all after an early morning blow up directed at me. Her back is in very bad shape - I asked if she tried sleeping on the other side as we'd discussed and suggested that alternating between laying in bed (which is what she does all day) and slowing walking and sitting on a supportive chair might at least help a little. She turned crazy yelling at me and I had an 'ah ha' moment. This wasn't an early senile/dementia act - this was the same way she behaved toward people throughout her life. First my father when we were young, then my sister who she always treated so horribly, then her 2nd husband who dies this last year, ... now it's my turn. She's always had a 'whipping boy' and it looks like it's my turn. I barely said goodbye before I left. I feel so horrible for how sad and lonely and pathetic she is, but I can't sacrifice myself. I will write to her doctors and make sure they know she has NOT been following any of their care advice and will do what I can behind the scenes (she has a local financial assistant helper) and will make sure the few people she does have around know what her current needs are, but I sadly can't be there for her - regardless of her utter solitude. That's okay, right? And, the guilt I'm feeling (through no fault of my own), that's normal too, right? :-(
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{{{HUGS}}} Yes, Jenni, it's okay to leave her alone. She's not completely alone and a hermit. She has others who can check on her (financial stuff), etc... She's abusive towards you. So, step back and let her do what she wants. If things continue to get worse when she can no longer live by herself, then APS can step in. If they refuse, then your mom will just have to get hurt before APS does step in. Yes, it's normal to feel guilty. You can caregive your mom for 24 years, and Still feel guilty. It's the caregiver's guilt syndrome. Just continue to do your new game plan with regards to your mother. {{Hugs}}
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Dad has a one track mind. He wants the catheter out. He does Not remember doing this before and that his urine got clogged up inside until his stomach was hard. And in constant pain. I knew with the onset of dementia that he will forget this. He insists that the Thursday respite worker told him that he doesn't need the catheter. That he can pee in his pamper. He insists that she's a local healer. That she doesn't have to have a college degree to be a doctor. And she says that he doesn't need the catheter. He is now accusing me of preventing him from taking it out. I am Not preventing him. I just tell him over and over that if he takes it out, that his pee will get clogged up inside and he will be in pain. Soon,.... he's going to nag enough so that the home care nurse can no longer ignore him. And must take it out. And then get a cell phone call close to midnight from my dad telling him over and over, "my prostate hurts. Need catheter." That's what he said the last time he called the nurse close to 11pm. The nurse said that he will come tomorrow morning. Which he did - around 9am. So, at the moment, I'm waiting for Round 2 with this catheter.
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Thank you Book for your kind words and understanding. Your struggles with your dad sounds overwhelming and you sound like a very good and caring person - I hope you (and others like you) are able to give yourselves the breaks you need and have good people in your life to love and appreciate you.
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Jenni, I have a great support system. Here on AC, I can vent about caregiving. And not receive advice by non-caregiving people (talking about my family) who don't understand. My fave sis and her daughters are my emotional support (plus sis loves to buy expensive stuff for me without my asking or hinting for it.)

Most of all, I'm saving like crazy to have enough money to buy my ticket to the states ($2000.00). I need a vacation from caregiving and work. I just need to make sure all supplies, sitters, food are all taken care of before I leave. And if any emergencies happen - I tell them to call 911.

I'm trying to listen to Dave Ramsey on money managing. I've completed his #1 (Emergency Fund) and #3 (Unforeseen expenses/ covers 6 months of my current bills). My reward for meeting this - is this trip to Norfolk, Virginia in late June or early July. I have about $1000.00 more to go. My tax refund + my medical rebate of $150.00 will help me to reach it. (although I really should use these towards paying off my credit card and loan.).... Thanks, jenni!
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Bookluvr- I love your new icon. It's beautiful!
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Thanks, Melaine. I tend to get tired of the current icons. So, I change it. I have several that I keep taking turns in using. I'm planning to try my hand in converting postcard photos into the icon. Ohhh... there goes the New Year's Fireworks. I can hear it but can't see it where I live.
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Happy New Year Book We still have just under 15 hours to go
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Book Happy New Year
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I wish that this year is a better year than last year.
I'm finding myself becoming a bitter and unhappy person. It doesn't help that I'm gaining weight and I get disgusted with myself.

Keeping my goals simple. Be nice to everyone, exercise that tummy away, truly make that midnight snack a snack (and not a meal) and find laughter and gratefulness daily.

With that said, time to get up and start my day by changing dad's pampers. It's 7am and he has been quietly lying there waiting for me to wake up. Today, he's not demanding that I get up.
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Book be thankfull for small mercies!!!
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Book be thankful for small mercies.
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Book - Happy New Year! Hope it is a good year for you.
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Hope this new year brings changes for all of us.... the possibility of growing some b*lls to just say NO to being worked to death, unhappy and get to have conversations that have nothing to do with bowel movements...Hugs to my friends here......
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I think instead of just saying Happy New Year that I will wish everyone a Happier New Year!
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Ladee - so far, my dad has not yet reached that stage about bowel movements. His all-consuming thoughts is to take out that catheter. I wish you all the best for a fruitful year of continual income despite the one-track conversation of bowel movements. =) {{{HUGS}}}

Shilo and cmag - I hope your year has some improvement or happiness for you! I saw on the TV that laughter makes such a difference in us - if we can do it daily. Force yourself to laugh out loud - works just as well as one from the heart. I think I would feel ridiculous to do a forced laughter. I will just go watch that Ellen show with the haunted halloween YouTube video.

Veronica - I'm learning to appreciate the little stuff. Especially when I read yours and Ladee's and other caregiver's personal angsts that make daily life a struggle despite these pains. If you guys can handle it, so can I.
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Cmag I like that!

Happier New Year everyone!
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My mother lives by the words laughter is the best medicine. She tries to laugh at something or someone (me) everyday. Right now she is on a muscle relaxer which makes her mind wander. Yesterday she was crying. She said 'I need to laugh more, don't cry.' It made me cry, good tears since after all the pain she has gone through she is still fighting for that happy person inside.

I hope everyone has that happy person inside of them and can reach in and grab it.

Happy New Year to everone
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I'm fighting the same battle over trying to stop becoming a bitter and unhappy person. Throw depressed also into the mix. This was the first year I didn't enjoy Christmas and couldn't wait for it to get over with. Felt like we had a Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation experience. My son brought his new dog, a hound, that peed and crapped and had diarrhea all over downstairs room, sleeping bags and the carpet is totally ruined. We finally crated her and she even peed in that. My husband and I took her out numerous times and she refused to go. When the dust cleared, we had to throw out an area rug (peed on), a kiddie gate she and our dog busted down, a 'welcome' sign shaped like a birdbath that his daughter busted, my son was sick the whole time with the flu as well as my daughter who lives with us, our other daughter brought her dog too so we had 3 big dogs in a small area. The daughter's dog and ours gets along and have never been as destructive as my son's dog was, who whined the whole time unless someone stayed down in the room with her. Last year my dil and her kids dropped peanut shells all over so I finally took away the nuts after asking them to please stop and they wouldn't. So this year, I put up the nuts so they couldn't have them and they brought their own peanuts instead, and had them dropped all over the carpet. I had my youngest granddaughter vacuum it up and that stopped them from dropping any more. they took baths numerous times and wanted to do laundry even though I told them our septic system can't handle alot of water and was only built for 4 people while we had 10 people for a few days. We had to hide things from the sticky finger family members but even then, things disappeared as they always do after a visit. You can't confront them about anything because they never take responsibility or the blame for one single thing. I guess they're perfect unlike the rest of the world. The list goes on and on. I didn't enjoy New Years either this year. This was the first time in my whole life I couldn't wait for the holidays to get over with. Real effort to decorate or make holiday cookies too, but am glad my daughter and I did manage. Guess I'm getting like other old people, darn it. Well, sorry for rambling on and on and being a wet blanket. We all carry our own load of problems, don't we. Just wish I had a support system. I'm very envious of everyone who does, lol.
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Herbalizer you did have a bad time. unless you want to don't throw away good carpets and rugs. go to the store and rent a steam cleaner and buy shampoo designed to get tough stains out and go for it. you may have to go over it several times but if the carpet is good it is worth the effort
I certainly would not be hosting a Christmas party next year.
It has nothing to do with getting old but everything to do with inconsiderate slovenly behaviour.
I would never have stood for that kind of behaviour especially from the dog. If it is not house trained it doesn't come period. I hope you are begining to recover today. what a nightmare. Hugs.
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My sister brings her two cats. one is always good-the other was better this year but terrified one of my female bobtails so much she drivbled pee while running away. Cannot yell at her cat since he is deaf. Hoping 2015 is a whole lot better than 2014 for me and all of you.
I admire everyone for the care they give their parents and spouses.
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Oh geez. Any way you could crate the cats, lol? You poor thing.
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Shilo, thank you. Your mom is smart. Laughter is the best medicine. I watched the Somjay Gupta on it. So, lastnight, in keeping to my resolution for this year, I started to re-watch the Ellen show with the Halloween. I was laughing so hard, I had to put a pause and rush to the bathroom. I almost wet myself. I guess my pelvic floor muscle is not as strong as when I was younger.

Herbalizer, my support system took Years to get where it is today. When I found this site about 3 years ago, I was seriously suicidal because I was tired of doing the major caregiving of Our parents (8 children), yet all my siblings lived their lives, had family, vacationed every year, etc… I have spent years updating them of the parents, subtly working on their conscience to help what Little they were willing to do, etc… It was this site that helped me to just Let It Go – my 24 years of expecting my siblings to step up and help me. Now, I take what’s given to me – and appreciate it. My fave sis – paying all those expensive gadgets? That’s her guilt for not doing her share of caregiving. I don’t throw it back in her face. I accept it – and drag my feet on learning how to use it. I can truly say, that I cultivated my siblings to where we are now today. But this all fell to pieces when mom passed away. Funerals have a way of tearing the family apart. I no longer try to keep the family together. Let’s just say that I was very disillusioned.

As I read your words, all I keep thinking was – no more xmas parties. Or if you do want to continue the tradition, you and hubby and daughter living with you – need to plan ahead for the xmas 2015. Make RULES.
1. Only house trained pets allowed.
2. You are responsible for your pet and their messes. If you cannot clean up after them, then No Pets Allowed.
3. If you make the mess, Clean It Up. There are NO MAIDS in this house. If you cannot clean up after yourselves, then we strongly recommend that you rent a motel/hotel room. They have room services that will clean up after you.
4. If you cannot abide to the rules above, you will not be invited to stay in your house for any future holidays or visits. Hotel or motel is your new accommodations.

Hopefully if you three can come up with rules - that might help a lot for not just christmas but for any future family get togethers.
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Talking about pets...... I read this on one of our travel journals on the 'potentially disruptive "support animals" that people claim when trying to board their pets aboard the plane and be in the same cabin as people (and not in the baggage or cargo area.) Due to DOT (dept of transportation) rules, only 'support animals' (like for the blind) are allowed in-cabin.

One passenger claimed that her big brown pig was an 'Emotional support' pig. Another passenger saw this woman coming down the aisle of the US Airways plane, and he thought she had a 'really big dog' or a stuffed animal thrown over her shoulder... As she got closer, there was no denying that the woman was carrying a big brown pig, perhaps 70-80 lbs. The passenger was allowed to bring the pig on board as an 'emotional support animal' under DOT (dept of transportation) guideline.

Apparently it was not meant to be. Before the plane took off, the passenger and her pig were kicked off for being 'disruptive.' How were they disruptive? Fellow passengers told the Hartford Courant that the big brown pig stank up the cabin of the tiny DC bound aircraft and defecated in the aisle... When the woman tied the pig to the armrest and tried to clean up after him, the pig began to howl." (I didn't know pigs can howl. I thought they 'squealed'.)

Well, the things people would do to get their pets to travel with them!
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My son and his then wife took two cats to Japan and back several years ago. They were able to travel in the cabin in their carriers but the couple had to have them under their feet for the entire trip.
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I have 6 cats so it's not like two more are making a huge difference. This was a bit more subdued Christmas as it being the first without mom. We really didn't bring mom up much at all as I do not know where his memory of her exists as he never mentions her.
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I found a great deal in the Ca-Rezz No Rinse Wash in Ebay! This seller is only offering $33.85 = for 6 8-oz no rinse wash PLUS 3 9.7-oz no rinse cream. I usually buy my Ca-Rezz at a California pharmacy in which the no rinse wash is $4.99 + shipping. I also found some discounted jars of Emu Arthritis creams that dad prefers in Ebay for less that $28.00, including shipping. (The one I usually buy from - a jar cost $29 + $15 shipping. So, I make it a habit to check ebay for any that I can get below $29.00.) Well, 830pm. Time for a snack. I'm trying to move up my snack time from 10:30pm to 8:30pm.....
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Went back to eye doc today. YAG laser procedure scheduled for Jan 21. Follow up 2 weeks later. This is right eye only at this time.
Found out that the lady who had the room next to Dad's passed away Saturday. She only moved in early December and was 79.
Then found out my good friend and boss, her mom is at death's door. She moved into AL in August and was also diagnosed with lung cancer at that time. We have shared quite a bit dealing with the health issues of our parents.
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57twin, I hope your laser procedure comes out successful. Sorry about your friend's mom with cancer. I've always thought of cancer as scary. I even bought 2 books on how to deal with it - just in case I ever need it. I didn't get it when my niece had cancer (oldest sis' granddaughter.) My niece passed away from it at the age of 10. I was one of those people who visited but pretended that there was no cancer. Avoided the subject completely. I wish your friend and her mom to have the peace and strength to deal with this.
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Bok your niece needed you to not concentrate on her illness and to treat her just as a child -kids with cancer need to be treated as normal as possible so what you did I think was the right thing to do.
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