This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
caroljean, sorry to hear about your husband. Yep, I can see how caregiving has aged my looks a lot. I used to get lots of compliment of being mistaken for a teenager. Now, I don’t. I guess all those crazy gray hair is a giveaway. And I’m not even yet age 50. Yes, it is time to take care of yourself. {{Hugs}}
Glad, it shows that Julianne Moore may have did her part for the sake of acting. It did not reach her heart. I think if it had, she would have mentioned at least a teeny tiny bit on Alzheimer. Too bad. I was watching a documentary. One actor’s role involved a person dealing with the ghost/spirit of the Japanese samurai. He went to Japan and started researching it. He met a man who knew a lot about spirits. The Japanese man warned him before giving him information that by reading these materials, and hearing about it – he was going to be opening himself to the spirit world. He really wanted the info for his role, so he was given the materials. Sure enough, he got visited, etc…. He admitted that since then, he has been experience extra stuff that most people are not aware of. I wonder if he ever regretted it?
I watched this man in the news. He is white skin and I saw no red sunburn on him. Now, I know for a fact, that I have gotten sunburned while playing in the ocean waters (mistakenly thought the water would protect me from the sun - Nope!) And I'm talking about within 8 hours. This man was in the ocean for 16 hours.
I have seen lots of Japanese walking around with super red skin. Ouch!!! The front of them is super red (reminds me of lobsters) and their backside is their normal white skin. (Guess several someones fell asleep while tanning under the sun!) Maybe I missed something? Like this time of year, the sun is not as hot in Florida as here in the Pacific?
Bathrooms and the kitchen -- I used to like them clean. Now they are okay if they are clean enough. My mother can be like going behind Pig Pen of Snoopy, with little bits of trash and food here and there. I don't get upset with it anymore, but just try to keep things clean enough.
I would worry about her doing things like heading to the oven. Poor dear. I know she just wants to help. I am glad you were there to stop her before she burnt her hands.
On Thursday, I went to one of those evening business meetings. This time I sat on the table with funny people. The last time I sat with them, they spoke the whole time in their Filipino language. The whole time. I thought it was rude, being we're not in the Philippines and knowing I don't speak the language. That night, they slipped but still kept to English. The other table ordered a whole bottle of wine. Our table just had ice tea. And my table mates were hilarious. I have never laughed so hard in public. When I saw the camera man's camera right at my left side face, I immediately stopped laughing, turned to him and smiled. (Ahhhh.. I've seen him in action. He will be up close until you acknowledge the camera!) I had a great time.
Past few days, I've been so exhausted. Even putting the kindle off the bed at night, I'm still waking up tired. I don't think I'm doing that deep RAM sleep. Later...
Today, my car air con completely died - as in not even any air blowing in. Bro-in-law followed me to the air con shop that did his car. They only charged me $255.00. I say only - because the last time I had the air con fixed, the dealership said it was $1300-some. Fortunately I had extended warranty - which did not show in my record - until the guy scrolled and scrolled and found it. So, they ended up paying for that $1300-some repair. It seems that Corollas' air con switch tends to break easily. All my car needed was to replace the switch. The guy asked me if I thought that $255 was too much. In my head, I did. But I think $255 is much better than a $900 to $1300 repair bill. Ahem... every time I take the car in for air con repair it never ever is below $900. Fave sis says that the repair people see 'female' and then sock it to me with the cost. Hence Bro-in-law coming with me to the air con shop. He even came with me to pay for the repair. The guy gave him my car key so that Bro-in-law can inspect it. It sure helps a lot when a guy goes with you to the repair shop!!! Plus bro-in-law already inspected my car and he even told me what he thought it was the switch. The air con shop came up with the same diagnosis. =)
I'm so behind in the online dementia course. I haven't finished watching the videos from wk1 nor have I had time to read the reading materials.
I have soooo much more fun learning on that other course "learning how to learn." Such an interesting concept - Chunk and Chunking. I'm still struggling with the concept. But, man, from what I read from others, it seems that the business world talks about Chunks. And now they know what their colleagues are talking about! I've never heard of it until now.....
An islander was at one of the hotel's swimming pool. She struck up a conversation with a visitor from the Mainland U.S. who is visiting our island for the first time. As they were talking, the woman suddenly became quiet and watched this man, covered all up except for his eyes showing, pass by the pool area.
She turned and whispered to the local, "Is he a terrorist?"
She develops a wound from sitting and now back in the hospital. No longer knows where she lived at ALF and her home of 55 years. Hospital wants her back at a rehab. This is no longer an option. Her short term memory is completely gone and the stress of rehab is too much for her. ALF cannot take care of her. My dad at 90 can't take care of her. I am now so tired I can't think straight. Tonight at the hospital, she pulled out her catheter and her IV's and
was completely out of control. I am out of options. I hate to send her to a SNF away from my dad, but she is not safe at the assistant living facility. I had a plan to end all of this on January 10th, if they were both alive. But once all these issues came up, I was concerned that my son would have to take over. I would not wish this anyone. and definitely not to someone I love. I asked a question on the site -can you turn over the care of elderly parents over to the state or to some type of agency. My dad has a lot of resources - but wants me to handle everything by myself. I can't do this alone anymore. I am desperate for some help. Who would that be?
1. A nurse advised her about when it's time to place the author's father (he has a horrible temper) in a facility, be sure to pick one that has a 'lock up dementia unit' because otherwise, when he gets nasty, most places will just kick him out & you have to take him home. If they have a lock-up dementia unit, they can separate him until they can get him properly sedated.
2. Her father refused to have an in-home paid caregiver. So she called her godfather, whose wife also is needing 24hr care to help. Godfather comes to visit, makes small talk, then admires her father's caregiver. Said that he cannot seem to find good paid caregivers like her father's. Asked if he was planning to hire her permanently. If not, he would like to hire her to take care of his wife. (Reverse Psychology.) It worked. Her father said that she's not available to be hired by godfather.
Slow going book. I guess I'm just not in the frame of mind for this. I'd sooo much rather read my fantasy books. Later...
The alternative is to just give her the information and see what she comes up with!!!!!!!!!!!!!