This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Drugs do no heal. They hide symptoms and usually cause more ill health and imbalance.
Embrace the possibility of being in control of your body and your life.
Best wishes everyone.
No activity on bank accounts. My phone # was not in there. Should I call/stop at all the places?
Cannot find a pharmacy bill I was going to pay so I think its in there as well. Grrrrrrr
I lost my wallet once and back to SAM's Club, they were calling my house using the information from my driver's license to look up my phone number.
At the same time, set up an appointment with the urologist. She will accompany oldest sis to the appointment since dad listens to her more than us. She's also going to work on getting dad to agree on giving me POA. I don't know if he will. He's already accusing me (behind my back) of stealing money from his bank account. I'm not exactly crazy about being his POA. To me, it ties me more firmly to him. Where my super sensitive conscience is already ruling my actions, but to have something legal like POA will definitely lock me firmly on this island. I've always told myself that as long as I have no Legal paperwork for dad, I can always pack up, tell bro of next door that I quit and that he needs to do his turn. With POA, everyone will think he's now my problem. At the same time, I'm finding myself stuck when it comes to doing things for him and the company wants me to show my POA. It's a darn if you do and darn if you don't.
Although this respite caregiver is sooo nice to us, I still don't feel comfortable. My gut feelings working. So, I haven't made an appointment for dad yet. I'm gullible. I tend to believe what people tell me. So, I believe her - yet my guts is telling me differently. I have always consistently listened to my head than my guts. So, just now, I went next door and spoke to SIL about the situation. She said Do Not Trick dad to see the urologist. If we do, he will tell everyone (with exaggeration) what we did. If we tell him he's going for the flu shot, then it's only the flu shot. Only see the urologist if he agrees to it. Yeah, right. He refuses to see one - even before he had the stroke.
And even up to this morning, I wanted to cancel my appointment and I was even willing to pay the last minute cancellation fee. I was telling myself that if I go, the doctor's going to think that I'm a hypochondriac. When I was done, the first words she said was that she is so proud of me for coming in. Despite all reasonings to not come in, I still came in. Again, saying she’s glad that I came in. FYI, other than cancer, the next high rate of deaths on this island is Suicide.
After all that, she thawed out. Was very sympathetic and caring. She asked how long have I had depressions. I said since I had PMS. She asked if any in the family has depressions. I said yes. Mom, oldest sis (breakdown and therapy), older sis and her daughter (on meds) , fave sis (therapy and meds). So, her next question was why it took me so long to seek help. I said that I hate taking pills.
She then asked me a question that I thought was odd. Maybe not so odd now – but I’m soooo glad that I answered the way I did. She asked me of my depression, what is the one thing that bothered me about it. I immediately said, “Wanting to quit my job and stay home.” I wonder what would have happened if I said that I was scared that I would kill myself? It’s a very good thing that I’m not suicidal. Just the thoughts only. Would she have had me in lock down for 3 days? {shudder}
She prescribed Citalopram. She said that she's supposed to prescribe 20mg. But she's going to start off with 10mg. I thanked her and said that I'm glad. Whenever I have new doctors, I always tell them that when I take NyQuil I only take 1 pill instead of the recommended 2. I once took 2 and had difficulty waking up. Even at 9am at work, my brain was still woozy. She said very firmly, "Yes, definitely 10mg."
I then brought up that the neurologist actually prescribed me real headache medicines - and not just Motrin. She asked what he prescribed. I said, I don't know. So, she said she will need to send a msg to the neuro for the meds. Then I said, "Oh! One of my friends told me that I needed to bring the medicine with me when I come here." She looked at me. Pause. Then asked me if I got it with me. "Oh, yea! Let me get it out of my purse." By the way, Veronica, she kept praising you for having the presence of mind of telling me that. I told her that since I couldn't remember which Cholesterol Pill that was prescribed to me - here it is. I gave her the bottle. She is very very glad that you advised me to bring it in. The Maxalt-MLT and Citalopram are major conflicts with each other.
Then she automatically got me a referral form for therapy. Therapy?!?! Ohhhh, I don't want therapy. I don't know what to say.
So this is my question. I have a choice of therapists to see. It's a list that I will go down the line and see if they have openings for new patients. In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out which ones to go to.
Do I see a: Psychiatrist? Psychologist? Clinical Psychologist? or a IMFT (Individual, Marriage & Family Therapist)?
Gees, I was trying to make this post short. It's still too long. I even deleted several sentences. Sorry for making a short story of my doctor’s visit.
Sounds like it was an all around good visit. I enjoyed reading the story of your doctor's visit and glad you felt free to share it.
I wish she had given you more guidance about selecting a therapists because here a psychiatrist does not do actual therapy.They only ask about how you are doing on your various meds and makes needed adjustments of meds like antidepressants. and wants to keep up to date about other meds that you are taking.
I'm used to the term psychologist as a label for someone who is a research psychologist like my wife who has her PhD in Social Psychology but does not practice because her degree is a research degree not a clinical practice degree. This term must also be used of people who are clinically licensed to do therapy.
I'm not sure what the difference is, but my guess is that a clinical psychologist has more training than a psychologist does.
An IMFT sounds a bit more like a specialist in the field of doing therapy who probably focus mainly on marriage therapy and family therapy more than on individual therapy.
You may want to ask her office staff about what the differences are between these categories or ask your insurance company about these fields of therapy.
Based on what I'm reading, the psychologist have studied more intensely on the human psyche/behavior - psychotherapy and research, personality tests. Psychologists tend to use these tests more than psychiatrists.
Our island is really small. Most physicians and nurses cannot and will not tell you who is the good or bad doctor. Even my niece who is studying to be a nurse said that she now knows the bad doctors in the hospital. But she cannot tell us who they are. Our island is too small. Word spreads fast. I'm leaning more towards a psychologist first - must be female or I won't open up - at all. Learned that from my first therapist, who was male.
Book, I hope you find a good female psychologist!
A sad reality of the medical world as it is in so many professions, people are not free or don't feel free to comment about another professional in their profession. There are both positives and negatives about this approach. And you are experiencing the negative of that approach.
My therapist never told me his opinion of my former psychiatrist until after I told him that I was no longer happy with him and had changed to another one. Then, I learn the man has a terrible reputation.
Look to see which of the ones on the list are covered by your health insurance policy. That should eliminate some from the list. Good luck!
I just wanted to tale a moment at this early time in the morning before I got back to bed and others get up to start their day to say something.
After being online for most of tonight although not on much during the day, I have found myself thinking about dysfunctional families with parents and/or siblings who use emotional blackmail against us via the ingredients of F.O.G. (fear obligation and guilt).
First, thinking about that led me to coin a new phrase F.O.G.y parents and F.O.G.y relatives. The emotional blackmailers who use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to manipulate and control or at least try to even when there are good boundaries.
Second, thinking about this reminded me how hard it is to make even the smallest choices like taking baby steps in a new direction contrary to the F.O.G.y relative or some other F.O.G.y person(s) in their life is.
Third, thinking about this led me to write a new post in the "On My Mind" section of my wall that says " In offering others help be wisely caring while being empathetically compassionate Let them know you care regardless of their choices."
In seeking to care for other caregivers as a caregiver and to care for my own self, I find tonight's reflections have been a good thing for my own soul.
2 of the male listed specializes with childhood and teens. 1 female - I know her and she's related to my boss' wife! So she's out. Thanks for the tip about CBT. Ahem.. that was what my last therapist was working on. More like for me to confront people when I'm not happy instead of holding it in. All she had to do was mention role-playing, and I panicked. She saw it, too, on my face. She was amazed that only just her mentioning it - made me panic. I think CBT will be very difficult for me - like dragging the horse to the drinking trough but not being able to force it to drink the water. Have to go now.
CBT does tend to be difficult because of its focus on dealing with the present by living in the now.
A CBT therapist tends to want to know more how can we put the fire out today than who started the fire yesterday and how did they start it which tends to be more short term. Who started the fire yesterday and how did they start it is what psychoanalytic therapy does which takes much longer.I'm over simplifying, but you get the basic idea. Some therapists, like mine, tend to be a bit eclectic in selecting parts from each school of therapy to use with their clients, but the ultimate goal of a CBT is helping you deal with and live in the present.
Since you already have so much self-awareness, it will be helpful to communicate this to the therapist that you select so that they will know where you are and can make whatever adjustments they need to make in their approach as a therapist in meeting you where you are and then guiding you in taking small steps in a new direction at the pace you are open to moving at.
You are making progress. Google on, think it all over and when you are ready, I'm sure you will make some good choices.
Solution? Think of the person with D's background. Before she had dementia, what was her habit of choosing clothes? If she used to choose her clothes the night before, then we will continue this. First of all, get rid of as much distraction or unnecessary items in the closet. Keep it simple - like only for clothes - more simple, like only summer clothes. Put away the winter clothes. Next, have her choose the clothes she will wear tomorrow, and Hang it behind the door. If the door is white, and her clothes have color, she will easily see her red dress hanging against the white door. No confusion, no distraction. Red dress against white door. This will continue to give her independence to choose her own clothes. That was the first scenario.
You know, there's a book you might enjoy. It's called August. I believe it's by Judith Rossner. I think you'd like it.
Which one is it and how big is the dose?
One possible side effect that you don't want with a anti-depressant is for it to kick you up to high.
Take care.