This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I felt so bad. Learning on that online course on Alzheimer, I know that I should be getting him involved with activities. But when he gets mad at me, I just forget all that and withdraw from him.
I'm back to procrastinating. I need to make another appointment to get new RX for my depression. It's such a struggle when I don't want to get up in the morning. I just want to stay in bed every day. Then I get more depress when I Have to do dad and Have to go to work.
I'm procrastinating on therapy. I need to talk to my doctor. I have absolutely no interest in therapy. If I go, it's just doing the motions. I won't do the assignments. I won't think hard about what we talk. Most times, by the time I leave the office, I forgot most of what we discussed. First therapist didn't want me to take notes. He did an outline of what we talked and gave it to me. When I got home, I completely forgot what A, B and C were. I remembered coming here asking you all what he meant by this. When I'm nervous or if I have headaches, I Don't Remember Much. Heck, even with Therapist 2, I took notes - and it was totally not what she meant. Her words and My comprehension of it - were skiltered. Most of my assignments were Off course, off the grid, etc....
I've ordered more books related to Alzheimer. These were books recommended by posters on the online course.
I caved in and got the ebook for Still Alice.
Paperbacks:
Inside Alzheimer's: How to Hear and Honor Connections with a Person who has Dementia.
Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's: When Tears are Dried with Laughter
There's some websites that they recommended. I copied/pasted it. But haven't looked into it yet.
In other news we are closing later this week on the foreclosed property next to us. Quite a bit of work to be done and once it's nicer outside dad can help for a bit. He will like that.
My husband was on a ladder taking down Christmas lights on Saturday and the ladder let go and down he went onto concrete steps. I had no idea he decided to do that. I was in the back of the house when I heard a big thud. I was mad because I always hold the ladder when he does stuff like that and he didn't even let me know. The result was a broken elbow and 6 to 8 weeks of healing. I feel bad for him and am helping him out as he only has the use of one arm now.
My mom is only concerned and mad that she may not get out of her AL every weekend. My husband is her 'lifter' in and out of her wheelchair. Our 18 year old son is committed to help, but come next year, he will be away at college. I realize that will not be in play then, but geez, mom is already worried about what ifs...
I'm 54 years young and will have to deal with 4" of new snow tomorrow by myself. Our son comes home from school, has a short time to eat and has to leave for work right away. *blah*
My husband feels so bad being not able to help, but his hand started swelling in his cast today from trying to do stuff. I had my nurse friend across the street convince him to keep his hand above his heart and sit still or bad things could happen. Thankfully the swelling went down.
Six to eight weeks of this stuff will be fun.
My sisters-in-law tried to take FIL keys away yesterday on a conference call as I was driving hubs and I home from the ER. That was not enjoyable.
Hugs to everyone. This journey is a pain in the arsenal.
Hi Yankeeluver, welcome to AC (Agingcare). Feel free to post whatever is in your mind or to vent, etc… Sorry about your father getting a stroke. My dad had a mild stroke but he refused to do physical therapy. So, now he’s bedridden and refuses to leave the hospital bed – not even to sit on the wheelchair. I hope your dad is a fighter. That he’s willing to do PT so that he can be as independent as possible. If staying a night at hotel will give you the rest you need, then do it. Doing that is so rare and hard to come by. Do it while you still can.
57twin, that’s nice that your dad can still visit you and eat normally (although slowly.)
Pam, I don’t know how to take a urine sample. I recall reading here that there is a way for you to collect it. It’s like a container you put on the toilet seat, and when he urinates, you can take your sample from it. I never really paid attention to the details since my dad is in pamper. Great! You got the respite. Don’t feel bad. Or that it’s a sign of failure. Think of it as everyone getting a vacation – even your dad. I’m so glad for you all.
Windy, you have a lot to contend with. Mom will just have to spend her weekends at AL if your son is not around due to unforeseen circumstances. Just don’t over extend yourself with hubby being only one-handed now. Watch that heart of yours as you clear the snow. And I think your SILs were brave to be able to get the key away from FIL! We all knew that dad drove awful. Good thing the car died out twice on the main road with oncoming cars and a tourist bus coming straight at him. He was able to start the car immediately to get out of the way. After the 2nd time, he became too scared to drive. He’s afraid of dying so.. not driving was not a big issue as compared to almost being run over by a big bus.
Okay, now I can try to do my d*rn tax return. I'm terrible it at. I once paid oldest sis ($20) to do it. She had me getting a tax refund of $700.00. I did Tax Act online, and I got much more than $700.00. Only problem is that I cannot backtrack on Tax Act to correct something that I misunderstood the question. So, I then went to TurboTax to redo my tax return.
I sent a HELP email to their support desk on how to undo the Import of my tax info so that I can do my tax return on the step-by-step process. If that fails, I will pay oldest sis to manually my tax return. That means I need to swing by the tax office and pick up the booklet and forms. Or I can have fave sis do mine on Saturday using TurboTax which she uses for years now. It would be so much easier to do the 1040EZ but my Simple IRA disqualifies me from using that form.
As for your mom being upset with not getting out, I've had a similar situation with my mom. My way of handling it has been to remind her that "I'm doing the best I can. This is all I've got and it has to be enough".
It always takes me days to do mine and is more complicated because i have a personal business to add in. I try and file everything as it comes in but that soon goes by the wayside and I end up with a huge pile of paperwork to get in order before I start. hubby insists that we keep stuff from several years back but I have convinced him to limit things like utility and credit card bills to two years so the oldest goes pile for the shredding at the end of each year. With that agreement in place I was able to go through the filing cabinet and reduce volume by 50% this week. Our credit union offers free shredding once a year so everything gets saved for that. The shredder is right there and you just empty your stuff into the hopper so there is no chance of any third party getting personal information. Hubby doing the taxes became such a nightmare and him going into an anxiety spiral that I took over several years ago. We always had to file an extension and that meant waiting till the fall for any refund and once a second extension.
Several days ago I needed his medical mileage and that became a huge battle because he said there were so many things to work out. So I told him I had already calculated the mileage to every location and all he needed to do was go through his calender and give me the location of each visit. Simple right? Nah he had to look at each date give time of visit then wonder why he visited each Dr. Finally it got through that all i wanted was 2 visits to Dr X in Feb and I had all I needed. Finally got it done then he told me you really have to keep a mileage log for each visit!!! true but that is not going to happen.
I am now waiting for the second guessing which will come when I ask him to sign the return so I can send it to the accountant.
Today he has gone to have a cyst removed from his scalp. He is seeing a dermatologist that involves a 300 mile round trip. I guess there are no surgeons with a sharp knife in our time. Sorry I don't think I am on the whine thread but there it is.
Took Dad back to dentist to have cavities filled a pretty quick procedure this time. Then had some extra time so he went with me to get more birdseed for his feeder. We did a quick drive by the property we just bought and when I got him settled back in his room he was a little more talkative. His short term memory at times seems shorter as he did ask how far away I live (3 miles less than 6-8 minutes) despite basically being right next door to my house. He also asked how long he has lived in his new place as I always refer to it as his place and that does he own or rent. And thanked me for stopping by......
My son would've helped me tonight at 10 p.m., after his work, with the driveway and such but no one here is getting anything done. It turned out not to snow much but everything is covered in a 1/4" of ice that doesn't budge. I put salt out on the walks so no one else breaks a bone (!) but not much else to be done. :(
My replacement depression pill is: Sertraline, 25mg.
Wow, my meds keeps getting higher in the mg. I had an allergic reaction to the 10mg Citalopram. I will take the first pill Friday night. This way, any adverse reaction won't be while I'm driving home for my lunch hour or falling asleep at work.
The Odd Caregiver was here when I came home. She told me that I don't need meds for my depression. That those meds are too strong for my skinny body. All I need to do is mourn mom and talk to someone (therapy?)
Tell the odd caregiver to mind her own business and don't share information with her, she is dangerous and ill informed. your slim build has nothing to do with it, you have been prescribed a weight appropriate dose. The danger for you is the many alllergies you have which could mean you are sensitive to something in the tablet. All you can do is try it and see and seek help if you feel unwell. Good luck with the taxes,they make me very anxious every year so I don't spend more than 2 hours a day on them and try to start in Jan.
Odd caregiver refused to take money from dad. For now. I had spoken to her the last time that I need to keep account of all of Dad's money. Because grandma had accused her caregivers of stealing money. My aunties/uncles had to go to court to show proof that it was spent for grandma. (I wonder how they got away with not showing the court that someone wiped out their mother's stocks/bonds? When uncle went online to check it's status, he found out that someone cashed it in.) So, I told the Odd cg that I've been keeping all receipts spent with dad's money. So, for services rendered (she massaged his legs), my dad gave her his small milk supply provided by meals on wheels.
I hesitated offering her dinner. That would mean sharing my Marie Calendar's frozen dinner. Since she refused it, I gave my other half for dad to eat since he was hungry.
25mg of Sertraline (also called Zoloft) is an extremely low dose. Doctors normally start people off at a base level of mgs and work up as needed. The optimal dose for Zoloft is 50mgs in treating depression with a maximum 200mgs.
I take 300 mgs of my antidepressant, Welbutrin XL, once a day in the morning. This is the average adult target dose. Some people need as high as 450 which is the max.
Try to follow the directions from the pharmacy about taking it and try to take it basically at the same time every day. That way the level of med in your system will remain relatively the same. Call your pharmacist with questions and concerns about your meds whenever you need to. That is one reason they are there.
Take care and I hope this med works for you.
There should be some information about the medicine that came with it from the pharmacy. I would read over it to see what side effects it says to look out for and how long it normally takes to make a known difference in your life which for that type of med is usually around two weeks.
While changing dad's pamper at 10pm, he told me that he gave his $20 he keeps in his pocket to odd cg. I got suspicious and just checked his petty cash. It's empty of the the $60.00! I woke up sis and asked where is the $60. She said that dad told her to give it to odd cg to buy arthritis medicine and to keep the change! I am so upset, I cannot sleep.
Tomorrow, I will figure out her phone number on our phone's id caller. I will need to tell her to stop taking money from dad. If she takes again, I will report her to my social worker. Odd cg is My Respite caregiver and she's ripping off dad!! I have texted SIL on this latest thing. I will also tell Odd cg that if she continues, I will also call APS. Remember how I told you that our AG's pet project is elder abuse? Well, if I must, I will also send him an email (more like his underling) of the situation.
I also told sis that she needs to tell me these things. I don't care if she writes it down. I don't look at dad's petty cash log. If she had told me earlier, I would have spoken to the Odd cg tonight. As it is, she won't pop up until she needs more cash. By then, my darn 'inability to do confrontation' will have kicked in. I can only be ruthless when I'm pissed off. I checked the last time sis gave her $75 and today the $80.00 - it's a 10 day period.
I cannot leave the petty cash envelope empty. That is part of dad's independence. Plus he is not declared incompetent. His money is still his. I used to keep $200 in the envelope. But since the neighbors and now the Odd cg keeps getting money from dad, I've now only been putting $80-$90 in it. I have to go now. It's 1am and I work today, need to get up at 6:30am.