This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Check into Ricola cough drops. They are mostly natural, herbs, lemon and such. Wishing you well...
Nephew who sees spirits - was here to cut my dad's hair to crew cut. We swapped 'spirit' stories. Tired. I was doing the online course and almost fell sideways - with my eyes closed. I'd better hit the sack.
My mother, an artist and WWII era cartoonist, (The Black Cat, Honey Blake, Girl Commandoes) died in April at the age of 94. She was in a kind, but rather crowded and busy little nursing home about 60 miles from our home, so over the winter I could only get down there about 1x or 2x a week to see her. (Vermont snows are nothing to mess with when they are really heavy). In the spring, I began to go see her more often (my husband and cousin and son, who was interning as a law student in the area, went to see her to fill in the spaces and to be with her as well). There is a wonderful little hostel for people who have family in the hospital around the area (Hanover, NH and White River Junction, VT) and they extended the hospitality of the house to me for the final six days of my mother's life. It was actually quite beautiful. I brought a box of my mother's favorite poems and philosophical thought (Blake, Traherne, some parts of the King James Bible, Tagore, Tibetan Book of the Dead, and so on) to read to her, and I did. She had demential, but I never felt that she was as out of touch with the world around her as some of the other patients with Alzheimer's and so on there. She was no longer eating, and barely drinking (the dehydration was hard to watch,but she was not in pain from it as far as I could see, and she had Hospice support so pain medicine was available and in the last few days they didi give it to her every 2 hours). A retired nun who had some kind of dementia also, and another lady, stationed themselves at the door of the room where, very kindly, we had been allowed to go so that my mother could be alone rather than in a room with three other women of varying stages of dementia. I felt that the nun, despite her apparent inablity to communiate clearly with all, was usually in a good mood and on these last days somehow decided my mother (whom I called Barbara) would be safer if she stayed there and only let the family go in. I appreciated it, though the nurses may have had to tell her that they had to get in, I'm not sure! In any case... my mother passed away (I was actually not able to be thre for the last breath, which I was told happens quite often) peacefully, according to the staff, and there was no struggle or effort to hold on to life. I was sorry to miss the end but I think she knew that we had been there because we loved her and wanted to make the experience as easy as we could for her. She could not really speak any more but when I came in, she said, with her mouth closed (I could tell what she was saying), "I love you so much." It was nice. I'm glad we had the chance to be with her for the most part as I missed my father's death... and have always regretted it.
I am ok, I think, though often very tired. The nurses from Hospice have been calling me about once a month to see how I am, but this is now coming to an end unless I call them. I appreciated it and if anyone has this option, once your mother or father passes on-- to speak occasionally with a "grief counselor"-- it is very helpful. Though much of the time I don't feel a lot of open grief, because I did what I could, and because she was ready to go and her body would no longer sustain her. I do miss her but she was 94, a pretty good age! I just want to tell people that it may not be the same for all, but if you have the chance to be there to hold a hand and speak some loving and trusting words... to say "It's all right... "We are all going to Heaven, and Van Dyck is of the company," as some artist said, I don't remember whom.. or some other soothing phrase, It makes YOU feel better after the death has taken place and I hope helps the person who is going ....
My best wishes to all.
Isabella
The good news is that the online course on Dementia - they have announced that they will keep the course open - even after it has ended. So many people requested to keep it open because so many posters were posting such great resources on other websites. Unfortunately, Agingcare was not mentioned - except by me. But, I also spent an hour copying/pasting these recommended websites. Hopefully, I can also include this in my 'regiment' of reading. Maybe take turns: Dementia book, then next fantasy, then online website on dementia, then fantasy book, then dementia book. I think if I did it this way, I will also be able to ready those websites. If I find anything new and unusual, I'll pop in and let you all know.
Tomorrow, I will tell you about the husband whose wife couldn't find the portable commode. He tried to find a solution which even I knew what was going to happen when he did this. And I was correct....
Sure enough, the 'disoriented cue of the environment' is the washcloth. She can now find the commode because of it. But, now she uses it to dip into the commode's bowl to wet it, and 'washes' herself with it!!!! (Yuck)... So, although her husband found a way for the commode to stand out, he didn't realize that by putting the washcloth on the commode, that she would use it to 'wash' herself.
Solution, they used a colored tape on the commode's outline so that it pops out from the white wall.
I will try this flu generic Nyquil for a while. If my 'cold and sneezing fits' don't go away, then I'm not sick. It's allergies. I also bought a generic allergy pills for runny nose/sneezing. We will see....
Need I tell YOU to get proper treatment for your allergies. Have the bathroom walls turned black again?
Veronica, yes, bathroom walls are back to black. I'm able to prevent regrowth in the shower. But I see new growth under the toilet tank. And the high walls... is a lost cause. The mop I bought doesn't scrub off the mold. I need to hand scrub it, then pour water while more scrubbing.
I just fed dad real food. Well, it's not the nutrient drink. I gave him my leftover chicken veg soup -from the can. He said it's very salty. I said yes. (Although I didn't notice it.) But I'm glad that he ate real food. He hasn't had a BM in 3 days. I'm concerned. The thing is, he's cut back drastically on drinking water. When I told him this morning he needs to drink more water because maybe that's why he's not poohing. His body needs the water to flush his inside and to help his poop come out. He said he does drink water. I showed him the overnight urine bag - and said that it's usually 3/4 full by morning. Look, it's only 1/4 filled. And his cup of water is still full from last night. I pointed to his 2 water jars and said it's both full because I didn't pour any water in his cup all evening and night. He didn't drink water since I came home from work. He couldn't deny that. So, when my back was turned, he drank his cup of water. The same again tonight after work. I reminded him of the water, and that he hasn't drank from it since I got home. He drank it. So, now he's having BM problems. Tonight, when I got home from work and ascertained that he did have dinner, I gave him Ovaltine. He loves it. And hopefully the milk will encourage him to BM. We will see. I told him straight out that I'm not sticking my fingers or hands up his butt to dig out the poop. He better find a way to poop or I'm taking him to the clinic/ER.
I can tell you this much. I'm okay here at home. But when I go to the office, it's stuffy. And I work in the corner where the central air con doesn't hit me. So, for the past few days, I find myself struggling to breathe normally. It's as if the air is stale. And then my nose starts running, face gets all stuffed up, etc.... I think our office has stale air, no clean air coming through, the carpet may need deep cleaning. Years ago, my primary doctor asked me if my office has carpet, etc... She wanted to speak to my boss that we need to deep shampoo the carpet because I was suffering from it. I told her no, please, don't talk to my boss. I'm fine at home. I still sneeze a lot but I don't blow my nose as often as when I'm in the office. Time to take that knock-out pill and then take a shower. Hopefully, I don't sleep through the several wake-up alarms tomorrow morning.
I gave dad the soup. He was trying to scoop the soup with the spoon backward. He had the scooped side down, and the bottom of the spoon upward. He kept trying to scoop the soup into his mouth. I told him to turn his spoon around. He ignored me and kept trying to scoop the food. I had to turn the spoon. He laughed and said, "I told you I'm going crazy." He ate that soup as if he's starving. Later, all.
Glad, I really cannot see myself spending $2000.00 on an air ticket to Virginia. Bro's gf just text me asking when I would like to go to lunch. I texted back that I'm sick. I'll let her know when I'm normal.
I'm just so disappointed. And it's getting me depress and teary eyed that sis will not share with her food. Gosh... maybe I'm being so self-centered - only thinking of my side and not hers. I know that she's being passive-aggressive with me on the darn sink and dishes. And I'm telling you, it's working!!! I've tried and tried to ignore it but... Just because she has food stamps, that doesn't mean she's going to waste that almost full pot of rice! She used to faithfully put it in the fridge before bedtime. Now, she doesn't care. Well, I care, because I spent $26.00 on that bag of rice! Little things like this is driving me crazy. Just because you have food stamps doesn't mean you can now waste food. Grrrrr!!!! ... I got to stop dwelling on this. Best way to distract me - I need to go read my fantasy books.
Now, she has all those food and dessert. Only after day 2, she finally offered me a piece of her chocolate cake. I see candies, powdered donuts, canned and frozen food. And I cannot touch it.
I'm... I would have bought some real frozen meat and some veggies like broccoli. Boy, I sure miss real meat..not microwavables. The real deal meat. I think I will check my budget and see if I can treat myself to a restaurant meal of the local flavor.
Dad's been craving pizza. Every time there's a pizza commercial, he perks up and asks, "Pizza?" I told him, if I remember, I will swing by Pizza Hut after work and get us each a personal pan. I'm seriously thinking of NOT buying one for sis. $5-some personal is expensive. I don't have the money for Her pizza. I will just use my lunch money for the pizza. Dad's money for his pizza.