This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sis is okay. The local healer helped pull her from the edge. For now. Gotta go.
Hours later. It's evening. I got out dad's snacks - which I partake from. The first one I pour into his snack bowl is - Prawn Crackers. Yes, yes, I've been eating this but I never had any Real reaction to it -despite my being allergic to the real shrimp.
Then, I opened a new bag of Cheese curls called Corn Puffs Snack. I was munching on it when I decided to check out the ingredients. .... dried fish extract powder (anchovy).. okay not so bad....
Then I read down to: ALLERGY INFORMATION...wheat, soybean, milk, fish.
This Product was Processed in a Facility that also Processes Food Containing: Egg, crab, shrimp, tree nuts.
Oops... both of dad's favorite snacks have shrimp or have had contact with shrimp preparation. sigh. I guess I will need to stop munching on these and see if those rashes go away, and my upper lip goes back to normal.
Anyway, I've been googling on iPad Apps for food diary, the Kindle apps also for food diary. Will also look on WebMD for a food chart diary to download on my laptop. I use either iPad or Kindle when I go out, and the laptop when I'm home. I wouldn't know which digital device I will have when I go out. So, I'm looking for an app for all. Preferably the laptop - which I can print my chart if/when I go see the doctor. I don't have wi-fi on my cell phone. The cost to include this access with our land line/cable bill is...expensive. So, having an app for my cellphone (which I always have with me when I go out) is out.
Previously I was able to eat food that had shrimp on it, without reacting to it. Now, I'm reacting to it so... time to completely any food that has shrimp in it.
Hello?! I can make my Own Food chart to my specifications. sigh... sometimes I don't use common sense as quickly as I should. Ugh!!!! That is my next project after I log out here. This is for my laptop.
I still need an App for the devices - in case I do an emergency doctors visit/ER. I will have it handy with me.
We took some pictures and will email to the activity director at dads AL so he can show to dad. Picked up some neat items to take back.
57twin, New Orleans! Wow. I've heard how great the food is there. And the unique music, too. I'm glad that you're enjoying yourselves. Any funny stories to share? Or something you thought as unusual from where you're from? =)
P.S... I've learned here that there's also the option of just walking away - as in out of the room. Go and take a break. When you're ready, go back in. That works, too. Now, I grab my book and go to my bedroom. 30 minutes later, I come back out.
Sometimes, I just need to come here and vent. Helps to relieve all that pressure I've held in.
How about setting a certain day only for shopping? I basically know what my dad needs. So, I already have my list in my head. I go through the house to see what's lacking or becoming low on. I put it down on my cell phone notebook so that when I go to the store, I already have the list.
Appts are difficult. Several times my dad said he will go to his appts. Then on the day of the appt (I take off from work to take him), he decides not to go! It drove me so mad because I wasted one of my 'vacation' leave.
Yep, I agree, vent away!
I think that after 57 years years on earth that I've learned that the only person that I can control is me and even that is tough at times.Sad to say but buried emotions like anger have a way of creeping back up and biting us with injured physical and/or emotional health.
Take care of yourself for you are valuable.
Today, when I got home, I asked dad if he wanted his pizza for dinner. He said yes. Oh my! He had 3 leftovers from yesterday. Today, there was only 1 piece left. I had packed my 2 leftovers in a plastic bag. Sis didn't touch that.
You know, one personal pan is cut into 4 small pieces. Based on what she ate, sis ate 3 pieces. She should have reimbursed me with some of her cash since she practically has eaten one personal pan pizza! My dad paid his $5 for his pizza. I paid my $10 for 2 of mine. I know this is nitpicking but.. if sis has all that food from food stamps and has not offered any to me (canned and microwavables) then, shame on her for touching mine and my dad's food!!! Now when dad is craving for more pizza tomorrow, there will be nothing left.
I'm sure that you could be having a reaction to anything with shrimp/prawns.
It sounds to me as if you eat a lot of products with this ingredient in it.
Another thing.......sometimes all these snack kinds of foods are loaded with other horrible food preservatives, enhancers. They can also trigger allergies, so watch out. I avoid MSG at all costs.
But listen.......I read a couple pages ago your post about food. It seems to be a recurring issue in your household. You'd probably do yourself and your father a huge favor if you learned to cook. I know you've written about being exhausted.
When one resorts to fast foods, and then snacking as one's only nutrition.......we have to wonder why we may be having certain health issues too.
If your saying your dad is drinking less water.......precisely these shrimp snacks,
canned soup is loaded with sodium. Sodium although known for fluid retention,
raises blood pressure. When blood pressure is high it really agitates the systems in the body and can have a drying effect. So just so that you are aware of the actions high salt has on the body, thus leading to constipation and high BP.
This could be a major cause of those headaches also.
The other thing, is that is there some way that you could negotiate something with your sister? You and your dad shouldn't have to be skimping on nutrition, and then be watching your sister waste her food. I don't know the whole story as to how she ended up in your famliy's home. But by what I do know, it appears she could be there out of her need too, since she has no other place to be. Use that as a bargaining chip of sorts. Tell her that sure she's there watching your dad, etc. (can't remember whether she's paid for that), however, she's still being provided a roof over her head. So the least she could do is stop being so self absorbed and stingy.
But if you learn to cook, and it doesn't have to be like a gourmet meal, you would save money instead of relying on snacks and junk food. I know that stuff costs a lot! Really not good for the health, either.
O.K., well I won't even go into about the corn. I don't eat it anymore.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux