This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Before my dad's stroke, because he was home and mom bedridden, he was still able to garden and cook dinner. I almost always came home with dinner waiting for me. No matter how late I came home, dad would wait up dinner, So that we can eat together. Together, we changed mom's pamper. We were a team.
Sis is an isolated island. Not a team player. Each to their own. SHE cooks only for herself. I cook for us to last the whole day. Sis doesn't like the food I cook. I throw in lots of onions, veggies, etc.. She prefers plain food....
O.K., I get it.. that's a great ideal about having your sister do the cooking.
But it doesn't sound as if that's going to happen.
But gee.........that's not a good thing what you are doing to your body, eating this way. I'd be starving too. Aside from looking up allergy foods, try reading about nutrition a bit. Where there's a will, there's a way.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I just wanted to say that our local radio DJ, every year, raves about the Wendy's fish sandwich during Lent season. I never ordered it because it's so expensive. I finally decided to give it a try. OMGoodness! It was delicious!!!! Now, for the past few days, that's all I think about. I'm going to rearrange my budget to include eating it again. Oh, I need to go and do the survey online. If I do, I will get a $2.00 off for a large sandwich or a full-sized salad. I want the salad! That will make it go down to about $5.00. I will do it after I change dad's pamper.
Is there anything sis won't touch because she doesn't like it? That delicious fish sandwich is probably not healthy eating by the way.
Try and think about sis as someone with dementia who has no control over her actions. If you are going to bring pizza home to eat make her hand over the $5 before you go buy it. Can you take stuff to work with you so she can't get at it? is there a fridge you can keep stuff in there? Put it in a sealed container with your name on it. Other employees may think it is fair game.
"K's food for Dad's dinner DO NOT TOUCH" Whatever will work. Think of sis as an uncontroable todler who will do stuff on impulse just like many of the loved ones other caregivers write about. if d was not bedbound he would be into everything while you were at work. As far as everyone praising sis try and let it go. You know the truth and she has nothing in her life. You probably won't do this but anything you are saving at home label in the same way. "K's dinner Wed night sis please don't eat". if she eats stuff she has not paid for and won't give you the money you could deduct it from the money you give her for babysitting Dad. I know you won't do that but just knowing you can may make you feel better. As the saying goes ( sorry Hope and Jeanette) there is more than one way of killing a cat!" As i type my bundle of fur is sitting on the arm of my chair. If I kept still she would have a paw on my arn ?holding hands!
The last time I ate the corn puffs was Sunday night. That was the last time I ate it because when I woke up Monday morning, my lips were tingling. I checked the mirror and for the first time - my lips were swollen. Lesson learned. No More Corn puffs.
I didn't even think anything when I ordered the cod fish sandwich at Wendys on Wednesday. I ate just fine. No reaction. No tingling lips. Yesterday, I had a take out lunch - pancit with hamburger (very thin noodles with ground beef and carrots.) I've had take outs from this place and lately been getting tingling lips. The same with the pancit - even though I saw no seafood anywhere near it. Today, I got take out from the same place - this time tuna macaroni. Oh, boy... Within 15 minutes after the meal, my lips were tingling. As I was driving to work, my right back tongue was tingling. In the office, I noticed my back tongue felt funny...like it was getting bigger. Oh no! So, I quickly opened my purse and swallowed an allergy pill. Within 45 minutes after my lunch, my back right side tongue definitely felt swollen. I kept an eye out on my swelling tongue for the next 3 hours. It's back to normal now. I think this restaurant is using the same chopping board or oil or pan which was used to make shrimp meals. Because I have noticed that whenever I eat food from this place - even if it's completely no seafood in it - I get tingling lips. So, like the corn puffs, I now must avoid eating food from this restaurant.
Now, I'm scared to eat the cod fish sandwich from Wendys....
Book, if it's shrimp that you are allergic to ( and I agree, you really should go to an allergist to get testing; I resisted doing it for years, finally did it and with one daily Zyrtec, I've stop getting sinus infections and headaches--I'm allergic to DUST!) you have a reliable way of telling if packaged items have any contact with shrimp. Any packaged item that it Kosher Certified--there are various symbols, OU being the most common--will have no shellfish in, near or around them. Something to think about.
I meant that when I ordered the fish sandwich at Wendy's, I wasn't thinking "allergy". I guess it would be safer to go to the doctor and make sure what I'm allergic to? I want to test that tuna theory. Since the tuna macaroni came from that same take-out place, I cannot rule out completely that I'm now allergic to tuna. I want to make my own tuna sandwich but now I'm afraid that with the swelling tongue, that I'm now playing with fire. So, I'm truly agreeing with you. That maybe it's best to check the doctor on this. If I start swelling, my dad won't even know it. Even if he calls 911, they may not understand him, he won't be able to hear them, and I would be slowly dying a slow death - choking on the floor.
I'm so tired. I don't know why I had such a broken sleep this morning. I kept waking up throughout the night. I woke up at 1:15am and couldn't believe it was only 30 minutes since I fell asleep. Then woke up at 2:30, and again, and again.
Later.... I'm going to see if I can sleep early tonight....I had a difficult week at work. It's very very hard to look busy when you have nothing to do.
Don't even buy it for Dad or have it in the house. cross contamination is very common. Wear gloves and clean all surfaces with bleach if sis brings anything home. Frozen food stamp fish can do it if you wash her dishes. I don't want to read your obitury in the Pacific Times next week!
I agree with others.......this does sound like a very severe allergy, no matter what is causing it. Have it checked. Many of any restaurants, whether they be fast food, or even fine dining.......use enhancers and as someone even mentioned the spices and things such as MSG, if your're unsware first of all as to the exact cause, that's one problem, then if one doesn't know what's in the food for sure, that's a double problem right there. Maybe this will be a motivator for you to start learning to cook for yourself. You really are the only one who can have control over the cooking and ingredients aspect. Besides, I don't know why you aren't doing this already
with some of the health ailments you have written about, like the blood pressure,
high cholesterol, etc.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Oh, I'm sorry I mistakenly thought you'd written about high blood pressure.
Sorry about that.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
and ordered Lobster, which I hardly ever do. It was at the insistence many years
ago of a friend. O.K., so Lobster ir was. Later, that evening I went to the bathroom,
as I was washing my hands, as I looked up in the mirror right before my eyes, my face got swollen. It scared the holy crap out of me, and I looked like a monster.
It felt very weird too, itchy and tingly. I didn't know what to do, but it disappeared within about half an hour, and I was o.k. So that happened something like 27 yrs., ago. I can count on one hand the times I've barely tasted tiny pieces of lobster.
They're what is called the crawlers, hence they grab all the gunk off the ocean floors and are very toxic. Shrimp, prawns fall into this category too. Shellfish.
Another time my two siblings and myself ate a bad batch of shrimp. It took me years to ever want to eat that again.
I don't eat pork, either, that makes me itch on my mid driff area, immediately
upon ingesting it. I've read, that there's a high possibility of ecoli in the case of pork, especially if it hasn't been cooked long enough. Besides, it's also hard on the kidneys.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Margaux, I tried lobster once at a restaurant. It was well known that they make delicious lobster. My Japanese boss persuaded us to try it. I was aghast to see that the sauce was melted butter mix. I was about age 26 at the time. That was the only time I ever ate lobster.
Home nurse came yesterday and changed dad's catheter. He was in so much pain as she pushed it in slowly. I tried to watch but fled away to the other side of the room as she got ready to insert it. After she got it in, I went back to the bed. When she started pressing the fluid in with the syringe, my dad kept angrily telling her to stop pushing it in. Yet, she wasn't pushing the catheter in...it was the fluid. I Saw him clenched his fist and his hand almost seemed as if he was about to punch her. But, he was able to control himself. I learned that the syringe was inflating the balloon inside. That was what hurt him the most that he felt the urge to hit her. His urine is coming out but it's been bloody since she changed the catheter. I will keep an eye on it. She noticed that his pamper was wet with urine. She says that means they will need to get a bigger catheter. Oh, poor dad. He's in pain with that catheter, can you imagine a bigger one? I told her that he usually leaks like that within a week of them monthly changing the catheter.