This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
BUT I have respite for 3 hours this afternoon.... Im treating myself to getting my hair colored at a salon .. they even will give you a glass of wine.. so that and a magazine.... just what the doctor ordered. Thank goodness for a tax return!!!!
I get 6 hrs of respite a week. tues I use for errands.. and I decided to start taking Fridays just for me... No making lunch. laundry. bills. whining. commodes lifting mom in and out of bed.... otherwise Im going to blow a gasket !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just sent me an email - not to add the warning about electronic devices...
As far as dad banging on the bed rail just tell him if he breaks his hand he is going to the ER and that may stop him.
Does sis need another visit to the spiritual healer by any change? Just don't know what you can do except maybe dock her pay for the things she doesn't do that she is suposed to. Here's another hug. Love you.
Dad was pretty funny at happy hour though. But he did ask where "she" was that is how he has referred to mom for quite some time. I asked who is "she" and then he said she's dead isn't she. Wow through me off I relied yes for a year now and he had no response.
And last couple of days when I pick her up from day program, she is in a panic, very depressed, too grateful to me for picking her up, and thinks she has been gone for months. And it goes on and on and on. :/
Sanity, I think you truly understand the meaning of ‘respite’. Whenever I get respite, I use it to pay bills and shop for the house. Then when I get back home, I’m still exhausted. I like your way of doing it. Set aside a day to do the errands and the other one just for me.
Brinoz – yep a travel agent. I’m the only employee working for my 2 bosses –husband and wife team.
Glad, I didn’t even catch it about looking for her son. I forgot that it’s only girls. Yeah, I would check for UTI first. The moon was almost full a few days ago. Every time I got off work around 615pm, I would look up to the beautiful moon against the almost clear sky. Whenever I look up at it, I think it’s so beautiful. I feel myself calming down. The past few days, it’s been rainy weather. I haven’t seen the moon behind those clouds. Too bad. But I believe the full moon can affect people. But due to her age, maybe it’s UTI.
I recall mentioning here how one of our mango tree had mangos growing. Our home and the mango trees are all way inside the back of our land. The front of our home has a huge expanse of land that can park like 12 cars in 3 rows, side by side. Our land has fence links as an L-shape. Then bro has a cement wall between his and the apartment. Our front side is open - no enclosures. When the trees have mango, the neighborhood thinks that they can climb over the link fences or just walk in from the front and pick our mango without asking. They will pick the carabao mango while still green. Carabao is actually bitter if it's not ripe. So picking it while green is wasting it. Through the years, we've had to tell people that they're trespassing. One time, last year, we've even had cops drive up to the house and ask if they can pick mango from the tree in front of our porch. They proceeded to get our ladder, climb up to our roof and pick the mango! I was aghast when I found out. This is Liability for us - the home owner! If that cop fell and got hurt, he can sue us! The same applies when the kids from these apartments sneak at nights to climb the trees to get mangos. FYI, the apartment behind our house has a gate guard. He's just as bad as those kids. I've caught him sneaking mango in the daytime but I just watched from our kitchen window.
With the new apartment, we've been having problems with these 2 high school boys. They walked to our side of the house to pick mango. When the odd caregiver asked them if they asked permission, they just ignored her. That night, I caught them standing on the cement wall, just watching us. I walked a few paces forward and yelled at them Not to stand on that wall. To get down. One kid jumped into bro's land! The other just sat there staring at me. I backed off, texted bro what happened and said he better deal with this. Because when other kids from that apartment sees them doing it, they will follow.
A few days later, bro saw these 2 boys walking around our mango tree in front of our porch. He asked them what they're doing here. The boys were quite rude to him. He ordered them off his land and they didn't listen. He told them that he's the owner of this land (Not, my dad is). Pissed off my bro because he knew that them being minors, he could not lay a hand on them. His son came out of the house and started to try to cause a fight. The boys quickly went to the road and called my brother rude names - like ugly old man, etc....
Bro followed them to the back of the new apartment. Their mom heard their raised voices and started yelling at my brother to leave her kids alone. Bro got mad and told her to tell her kids to quit trespassing and taking things without permission. Her son got mad and told bro to not talk to his mother like that. And bro's son got mad and said, "What, you can talk to my old man like that but he cannot talk like that to your mom?!"
During all these yelling (remember -cliffline - sound carries and bounces), my cousin up the hill heard it. She sent her husband to go down and check. One of mom's distant relatives - from way across - heard the yelling and came to check it out. The boys had five total (3 friends). They were acting tough towards my bro and his son. Until my cousin's husband and 3rd cousin from across came up and confronted the kids.
The kids and their mother threatened our side by saying that they're from this village "A" which is known to have gangs. My bro got pissed off and said that he knows the "P" family from "A" village (very dangerous family - what you people would call 'rednecks' who don't give a damn about the law). When the mom heard that name, she quickly backed into the apartment.
Cops were called from both parties. Cops interviewed everyone. Cop was shocked that these kids had the nerve to just walk into private property, disregard the owner, etc....
Now, the fall out. Remember it's a low income housing. They have very strict rules. When the govt is paying for you to stay in a home, you are allowed to have a guest stay with you - but I think it's about a max of one month. This woman had her boyfriend living with her. The building manager told him to leave. And the woman now has 2 strikes (the boys trespassing and the boyfriend illegally living with her.) The manager told her that one more strike, and she's out. Since then, we have not seen those boys.
That was the first incident from this brand new low income apartment. Incident 2 involves my nephew getting bitten by another renter. That will be another story. It's midnight now and time to sleep.
My dad's family, my mom's family, cousins all look forward to mango season. We're the only ones in the family that have Haden and carabao mango. Most of our relatives have the local one. So mango season time, everyone has put their requests. And I'm not talking like 3 or 4 mango. They're used to getting a bagful.
When we tell people that the mango is bitter when not ripe, they insist that they can pickle it. I don't know about that. I'm allergic to mango. So I cannot tell if you can pickle a bitter mango to make it taste good. But niece of next door said that you cannot. It will be wasted.
Gasp! Waste the mango to make pie? Oh no, for locals and Filipino, eating the mango "as is " with salt and fresh pepper is the way to eat it. You can also find different ways to pickle it. The hotter the better. Or even in a salad. I don't think I've ever eaten a mango pie. Nope, bro is very territorial with those mangos. It's some kind of a social thing...favors...etc...
Sam Choy's Kitchen recipe: Pickled Mango
1 gallon sliced green mango
2 cups sugar
1 cup rice vinegar
4 Tb. Hawaiian salt
¼ pound li hing mui
What the heck is lu hing mui? What is special about Hawaiian salt? I understand the rice vinegar part.
1 Large firm green/semi-green papaya
1 teaspoon Salt (to taste)
2/3 cup of white Vinegar
1 teaspoon Sugar
1 cup of distilled white water
Chopped red peppers
1. Peel papaya, cut in half and remove the seeds. Then slice the papaya into thin strips
2. In a bowl, sprinkle salt, sugar, and chopped red peppers over the papaya and mix together.
3. After allowing the flavors to marinate after 15 to 30 minutes, place the papaya in a sealable container.
4. Pour the vinegar and water into the container. Add water and vinegar and water until it flows over papaya.
5. Refrigerate overnight before serving.
Glad: Hawaiian salt is mixed with volcanic clay. (no thanks) and li hing mi is a salted dried plum (not for me thanks)
Hope, I live pretty far North (43 degrees) near Buffalo, New York. The only carabao we can get here is dried, and about $5 US per pound (500g).
You should ask your Shaman to speak to the spirit who resides in the tree and ask what his/her wishes are. If the spirit says to share the mango or not share the mango, or to plant more mango trees, follow the spirit's advice.
But that does sound yummy.
didn't have enough of them, so added some fresh mango. It came out pretty good for my first attempt!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Is your sister that disconnected from real life....that she'd take out 5 liners from the trash bag? Have you told her you intend to do this?
When you've written about "devices being charged," are you talking about
cell phones? In any case........even though your bosses don't sound like they're
easy people to work for, giving notice of this does sound like when you've said too much. Telling people about a penalty, in terms of the way people look at advertising could be looked at in a negative way, In other words, your place of business is supposing the worst. If you as an employee are doing this, for people who don't like that style it could also drive away business from bosses travel agency. Even if you don't agree with them, also remember they are your boses.
I want you to keep your job. That's all.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Thank you Karma...
Another airline got fined by DOT for not being transparency. They must include itemize the exact cost of the tickets, how much luggage permitted and any cost for checked baggage.
We also received email alert from one airline warning about electronic devices being properly charged, especially when going through TSA. From the national news, terrorist will try to smuggle bomb on-board through their electronic devices. They advised the public to ensure it's charged.....
Whatever... I will follow the wife's instruction. Repeatedly, She is the one who told me to stop putting in our itinerary the penalty info, the checked baggage dimensions and weight restriction and cost per bag. I felt bad when a client came back from travel and complained that I was Not Specific on how much the checked baggage would cost. From here to west coast, she paid $70. Few days later, she flew to DCA, paid $30 for first bag and$25 for 2nd bag, etc... by the time she completed her trip, she had paid a lot on checked baggage..which her company did Not include in her per diem of travel cost for hotel, meals, etc... whatever... it's their business, their livelihood.