This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
This is the only control he has left so he takes out all his frustrations on you. He know full well you are a very good daughter whatever he says to the contary. Sleep well.
The odd caregiver was suppose to come today. I was going to talk to her about accepting money from dad and receipts. If she continues to accept large amounts of money, I will file a complaint to her work. She is My Respite caregiver (not dad's) from a national organization. If this doesn't work, I may need to do a visit at the APS and see what options I have. Then go to a lawyer.
I will be very nervous. I won't remember much of what is discussed. I will need to bring someone with me. I tend to block very unpleasant memories. Gynecologist said that he thought I have ovarian cancer, I went into shock. After that diagnosis, all following visits, doc called the cancer 'complications.' In my mind, 'complications' became severe endometriosis. I completely forgot about the cancer until SIL dropped by and was shocked when the medical referral agent said that I was flying to Hawaii to the women/children cancer hospital. I completely forgot about the cancer. My mind wiped it off completely and replaced it with endometriosis. So, when I get stressed, my mind shuts down and I run on automatic.
It's still too soon to try for guardianship. Don't even think POA yet.
How is dad going to get to the bank to take your name off the account? Can you just say "No"? or is that too bold in your culture?
Veronica, I want to talk to talk to her to set up guidelines. If she cannot follow these guidelines, then I will make a formal complaint to her work. SHE was the one who reported me to the social worker. And the social worker asked me why this and that with dad, etc.. I thought that odd cg should have approached me to ask me before reporting me. I was quite upset and emailed back the social worker that I would be happy to set up an appointment with her, dad and his home nurse and hash out all these 'itemizations'. She was satisfied without having to do that.
I know that I should do tit for tat. Just as odd cg reported me without asking me, I should do the same to the same social worker. But my conscience is getting in the way. Problem is that odd cg only visits when I'm at work.
Something happened today. I came home and dad was upset with me. He ordered me to stop telling oldest bro about what's happening here in the house. It is none of my brother's business. Just as it is none of my business what he does with his money. I told him straight out that I will continue to tell bro what's happening because when I move out, he will be taking over.
I'm on a new mission. I will spending the next few hours googling acid reflux/GERD. With the stress and all these meds I've been taking, I think it has exacerbated my acid reflux. It seems to get really bad every time I take the prevention headache meds Maxalt-MLT. I'm getting really bad burning tongue, lips and upper roof of my mouth, burning throat. That's the only new thing that I've been taking the past week - the same the acid reflux really jumped up. I've made an appointment for this with my doc on 30Mar. My clinic's regular hours are only Monday-Friday. After hours and weekends are urgent care. I've heard that when you go to urgent care, they tell you to follow up with your doctor.
Sorry, I missed you post about difficulties with Dad a few days ago. Been wrapped up in the latest here.
I only have one for 6 hours a week 3 on tues 3 on fri mostly to give mom a bed bath , lunch (that I set up) maybe change sheets , fold a basket of clothes or unload the dish washer . cant be all that hard moms sleeps a lot .. but I have come home to un wiped table where mom eats, debris in the sink or moms lunch dishes, my dishes put away in any which way (bowls and dishes an glasses) its a small kitchen pretty clear on where stuff goes!!! if she does vacuum its just the front rug, never wipes off counter, even asked to just lets just say to put moms clothes in some kind of order in 2 freaking drawers , (nightgowns were with socks , pants with pull ups etc, its like she just threw them in there !!! lets just say I that I come home to more work than I left .
last week I had to put all 6 of my hours together to go see my daughter a 2 hr drive 2 with my daughter 2 hr drive home ],, I had to set up lunch and dinner and dogs dinner ,, came home to dishes not put away, no vacuuming , her soda can on the mantle and 2 of moms pre made dinners gone from freezer * and I know the aide brought her own ) I have no problem her finding a snack for herself but !!!! I made those for my own convince for my week nights.
she takes no self charge to do just the common things,,
I worked my self doing homemakers and companions while looking for a full time after I lost my job had no clue id be living it soon after,,, BUT I would never leave dishes in the sink for a tired family member to come home to ,,,
not to mention she is always late!!!! I understand things happen but twice I had made appts one I had to cancel so there went my mammogram. until ???????? and the day I came home from seeing my daughter my heat was up to 85 !! there went my last few gallons of oil, and all the lights on and the tv going I left a note asking to leave on the front porch lights, and living room light and lock the front door * id be home about an hour after sheleft cause of travel time ),,,, I finally complained and asked the agency t find a replacement but they don't have any one in my area,,,, its just not working,,, she does take care of mom but I know mom sleeps a lot and I cant imagine that a sponge bath takes 3 hrs,, I think judge judge is more important than my dishes in the cupboards
now im trying to find some help for the 3 days I have to leave house overnight fior my daughters graduation ????? how am I going to go and relax and enjoy the special day away
My dad's needs are very simple. The gov't caregivers give him sponge baths but they do not do haircuts or shaving. For my respite workers, all he wants is for them to shave him once a week and light massages on his legs. That's it.
So, my question to you is - what was told to you about the duties of the respite worker? It could be that what you think is their duties may be in conflict of what they think is their duties. But, I think that if they touch something, they should clean up after themselves or your mom while on duty. When the gov't caregivers sponge bath dad, they're suppose to put the load in the washer. But sis and I always do it instead of them - our choice. They ONLY mop the area around my dad's bed - Not the whole livingroom floor. Again, your expectations vs. their policy.
Grins mind you sometimes I think it might jolt her mind back to normality a sort of DIY electroconvulsive therapy - only being ironic peeps I know how severe that therapy is and I would never ever want to undermine it for people who really do need (if indeed they do need it) and I know it sometimes considered useful for people with dementia - Im just not convinced
He then opens his hand and shows me the tooth as he wants dentist to see it. I took it in a tissue and hid back in his room where he wont look. I do not know what that was......but there goes my Monday off if dentist wants to see him.
Finding the right med to stabalize behavior is many times a matter of trial and error. If you do not think the haldol is working well then try something else.