This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Still waiting for Stormy, hope she and her sis are OK. Dad, too, but the worry falls to them.
Shawna.....good luck!!!
Mom just talked to me for the first time since her shower. About 3:45 EDT. She could remember THAT for a long time today!!! Will try to check in later.....hear mom choking.........
Ladee, good to see you posting, looking forward to you being back online with us, how is everyone else doing this evening? Stormy, check in with us and let us know how things turned out.
Well, I took Dad to the dr. today. I called hubby and asked him if he could leave work early and help me. And he said sure. It is getting much more difficult to get Dad out.
Well, the dr. knows that I will not go for anything aggressive for my dad. I'm all about the comfort. So he gave me a scrip. for tramadol/tylenol for pain, he thinks one of dads discs collapsed and an antib. for an area on dads back that he is treating as an infection first but he agrees with me that it is probably cancer.
Oh and also some steroids to increase his appetite
So we will see. Last Sept. dad weighed 137 and now he weighs 122. My poor, little dad. He is just wasting away and someday he will be gone and his chair will sit here empty and if I don't stop right now I will be crying.
So.............. hey, I was lurking on some of the other threads and you know there are some real nasty people who come on this site to bully us burdened caregivers when we vent. I say that sucks!!!
Well, I luv ya guys. Peace and prayers.
Maybe Shawna will have good luck now.....COW PATTIE!
ladee......so good to hear from you! And sorry to hear about your leg. Get the ice packs out......
seeme.......frustrating I know. And the only thing you can do is walk away if possible. Tonight the col was helping me fix her dinner and she started talking about the "moohaha" that is waiting until it gets dark to steal her purse.....alrighty then, what are we going to do about that? She decided it wasn't that important when she saw the cucumber salad I had made. Food works every time.....:)
starri and emjo...........hope things have been good for you today. A nap sounds good starri.
Hoping to hear from stormy.........
Hello to all and hope everyone is having a good evening...will check back later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
"Moohaha?" is that like the boogie man? lol, getting kinda tired, been balancing on the edge today, ugly hole is doing it's best to suck me in.. Hope that everyone has a easy, peaceful night.
Starri, the black hole almost sucked me in this morning. We need someone with a lasso to get us out of this quagmire.
{{{{{{{{{{{{Stormy}}}}}}}}}}}} Still here waiting........ready when you are.....
Got a short note from Ladee today....she should be in business on Friday. She got a computer and has taken it to someone to get her stuff on it..............can you tell how computer illiterate I am??? Anyway, it should be ready on Friday.
Made an apple pie from scratch today and cheated with the peach, except for the crust, which to me is the best part. Apple pie ran over so much, Kathy baked the peach for me at her house. Course that always costs me pieces of apple.
Hubby took cans and such to the recycle place and somehow ended up backing into a truck there with the trailor. Had to give the man some cash money to make it all go away. I don't do things that half-assed. I total them....have 2 under my belt!! lol
Everyone have a good evening. My house is quiet, everyone in bed. Talk to you all tomorrow.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Shawna –u 2 - and having to get ready for the sale isn’t easy – hope ur allergies r better and the sale goes well – may be good for u to have a distraction right now –good luck hope things sell well
Ladeeee - so good to hear from u and that the BS is getting sorted out – please look after the leg – I meanreally!!! I wonder if u will ever get caught up – just jump in – and float – go with the flow…
Seeme – so sorry about mum deteriorating – that is really hard to watch – no one wants to see a parent go downhill - – it is exhausting - please look after you – so glad u have Kathy to help u – it will be interesting to see how she reacts when ur sis comes – Gary can lasso a horse – saw him do it –just coil the rope and throw it – have to get a long one for u – apple and peach pies from scratch – u talented lady – put a cookie sheet under it next time for run overs -some days just don’t go well sorry hubby did the back up thing
YR great to see u posting – and that u got some help from hubby – poor dad - ouch – collapsed disc and maybe a cancer area – not good news – so hard to see this happening to him. I agree there are some others around that are less than helpful – tears are OK – sometimes we need them and it is OK to come here and share
Jam – moohaha – that’s a good one and cucumber salad does sound better – pretty good today thx
Starri – amen to what u said – please get your rest, eat properly etc and take a nap if u need one - you have been going through so much u r burned out – be good to u
Visited dd and g’babies this afternoon – doing well, apparently the gut thing I had a few days ago was a flu as they had it too, but over it now, mother told dd (daughter) she had lost some stuff – then mother said she had found it and then mother told me that she had lost it so I guess she forgot that she had found it and let’s take another whirl around the merry-go-round - maybe we will get the brass ring – oh no, they found it -= under the sink – this could send me mental (English version of nuts)
Love, hugs and prayers to all ♥♥♥
jo
Starri- dad has got to have a referral to see a vacular dr. so we got to find one of them and then make a appt. He needs someone to look at his legs. Well I better get off of here and try to get some sleep. Didn't get much last night!! Hugs stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ladee: welcome back! I hope you are settled and computerized as soon as possible!
Stormy: yes I agree. That doctor can't give you more than he has already given you. I guess he doesn't know what to tell you. Time to go to a more "specialized" one.
Seeme: my mother is as exhausting as yours. (see below....)
Shawna: I am very sorry for your friend. A good friend is so important and lose one of them must be terrible.
Heidi: you were very brave in doing a "field trip" with two handful people!
Emjo: we are country girls and when nature calls.... We have to find a spot and do it!
Jam... Nicky is better and better and tomorrow I want to make a short movie of her and post it on Facebook.
Now I tell you a little bit of my ordeal of yesterday morning. It was 5 in the morning of tuesday for me (monday night for you) and I woke up, I had fallen asleep on the couch as usual. My mother was still on her chair and I know it's bad, I should put her to bed "before" i collapse on the couch, but she refuses to go to bed early in the evening and I try to leave her some degrees of freedom (well it has to change, unfortunately!) To cut a long story short, I was still half asleep, I didn't hold her too tightly and while walking toward her bed, she fell and I don't know how, she cut her leg. A long cut which bled a lot, so I decided to carry her to the closest emergency room which is in a small town half an hour from my village. The problem is that in the night I don't see anything (I am very shortsighted) so the trip to the hospital was a nightmare; I was with my nose glued to the windscreen and I drove so badly that after an hour the motor started to make strange noises and the car didn't work well. I guess it happened because I was driving very badly. I stopped the car along the road, it was still dark, and I had sort of a nervous wreck! I tried to calm down a bit and after 10 minutes the sky was getting clearer so I decided to give it another go. And as I was calmer, I drove better and the car worked well. I managed to get to the little town at 6.30 (after one hour and a half!!!), I found a woman in the street whom I would have hugged, and asked her where the hospital was. I arrived to the hospital, gave my mother to the ER doctors and while she was in, I asked another patient a cig and I relaxed and felt very very well because it had been a victory, to arrive there. The doctors gave my mother two stitches and we could have a coffee and go back home...
I understood I can not give my mother any more freedom, I have to keep her tight when she walks, put her to bed even if she doesn't want it; but she is a very rebel person, she has always been and with the disease this has worsened. Of course I force her to change and wash, but I hoped I could let her choose at least the moment to go to bed. It's very sad that a person who loves freedom as much as I do has to become bossy toward another person, but I am afraid it is too dangerous to permit to my mother to have even the slightest degree of freedom! I have to do things while I am awake and I mustn't do them while I am too tired and half asleep.
Good night! It's wednesday morning for me. And I have to do some work!
Stormy, Personally, I would quit asking, I'd start telling, if like you said, dad has to have the referral, call the doctor or even his regular doctor, tell them you need a referral to the vascular doctor (Jam, what is the name of it? lol) and you want him in as soon as possible, even put you on the cancellation list. and don't let them lie to you, they have the list, people do actually call in and cancel appointments, so you could be put in one of their spots, you'd just have to be able to move quickly..
Hello to everyone else here, not much in the way of plans for today, getting the brother from the car rental, then swinging by the mechanics and see how much it is going to be to bail out the truck from having it fixed.. and from there, I am not sure...
Ros- I am so sorry to hear of your moms fall and cut and then for your wreak I know you were freaking out. I know how you feel about not being able to see at night I used to be like that too until I had the lasix surgery on my eyes now i see fine to drive at night. I was so happy to see better. I bet you needed a nerve pill once you got to the hospital. I know how you feel about having to walk with your mom I have to walk behind dad too. He has gotten unsteady on his feet in the last couple of weeks. I consider myself pretty strong but i just don't know if i am that strong to handle dad if he falls. He has already fallen one time and I had to catch him from behind and lower him to the floor before he broke something. Scared the shit out of me. He was very dehydrated and that is why he fell we had to call the ambulance because he was not acting right after the fall. I thought he was dying on me. My heart goes out to you! Love ya! Try to take care of yourself too and don't work to hard. Prayers for you and your mom.
Emjo - glad you are feeling better from your SH$# attack! lol thank you for your concern about dad. We are very worried about him also. Maybe we can find someone to see him today or tomorrow. It needs to be SOON................................
Well, I guess i better go for now got to get in the shower and start my lovely day. NOT! Take care everyone. Sorry if i missed anybody I will check in later today. Love and (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) to all of you! Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.............................
Geez, mom is sitting on the stool saying "cigarrette....barefoot" over and over again. Looks like this is going to be a GOOD day. Guess I better get her cleaned up and feed her. Will be back later to address some more issues with Rosella and YR...................Later........
Am so sorry for you, dad and sis...prayers and prayers coming your way.
Oh my goodness Rossella! What an awful time you had. I hope you and Mom have rested and perhaps this won't even be a memory for mom. I had to put 12 staples in hubby's head last winter when he slipped and busted open the back of his head on the deck during an ice and snow storm. Couldn't get out even if I could have talked him into it.
stormy......try to copy everything down and send it to me in an email. Not here please.
seeme.....sounds like you may need to take mom's shoes off and give her a cigarette....:) I hope you have a good day.
emjo.....hope you are continuing to feel better every day. Did you ever decide on a name for the horse?
starri......are you all packed yet and ready to go? I envy you the freedom to just go....been a long time since I could do that.
Heather is here again today, so I know things will be fine. Going to try and get some things done around here that I keep putting off. Like getting the hot tub up and running. I think my back could use it about now. And I'm trying to find just the "right" comforter for my bed. I had one that matched everything perfectly, but the reverse side is dark brown and that doesn't work well with a JackRussell/Chihuahua/Pigpen shedding dog. Her hair gets everywhere! I would love to find a beige down comforter, but they only seem to make those in white. I may have to break down and make my own. Last resort!
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.......will check back later, need to get my day started.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Vic and Seemie thank you for your advice and concern. sis has made some calls today and we are suppose to get him in to see someone at moore reginal hosptal. Waiting on a appt time now......
Jam-thank you for helping me through all of this. Love you all!!!
Now it looks like we might be having a bigger problem with dads leg. Yesterday when we got back to dads from the dr. my sis was so freaked out about what he said about dad needing to see someone asap about his leg that she started doing stuff to his leg. First she washed it (that was fine) Second she dried it (that was fine) Third she put neosporin on it ( that was fine) Fourth, she put a drain sponge on his leg which is like a gauze but softer with more padding. (WRONG THING TO DO!) I asked him today is your leg hurting today and he said yes some. And he asked me to look at it. Which i was going to do that anyway. I took his sock off and there was the pad STUCK TO HIS LEG. I tried wetting the pad to get it loose that didn't work and then I tried a wet cloth that didn't work either. Finally I had to get a pan of water and a cup and start pouring the water over his leg to wet the pad to loosen it up to where i could take it off of him. I finally got it off. But now it has a area that looks like the starting of a ulcer. White and wet looking.EEK!!!!! I put some neosporin on the area and left it alone. Nothing on it. No socks or pads. He has got to see someone fast before this gets outta hand. My bil is a bad diabetic and has had cellulitis in his foot before and he told my sis his wife that if your dad loses his leg he will not last long.......... We freaked out....................
These are such dumbasses for doctors that we have down here. It is a damn shame. Instead of there oath "Do no harm" it should be "Do no Help" because we sure as shit have not gotten no help. Jam you know I'm not talking about your hubby. Just these shit for brains down here!!!!!!!! Excuse my French!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just sick of not knowing anything and then we feel like these drs know what is going on with him and they just won't tell us. They have all the answers and we have none and we can't make them tell us what they find if they don't want to. I just do not understand it and maybe I'm not suppose too. But they are going to wait around here with their fingers stuck up their ass and let his leg rot off. I need a voodoo doll made out of each one of his drs. anybody make voodoo dolls? I'LL PAY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I guess i will check in later my lil internet angels!!!!!!!!!! Take care ya'll, Love and hugs Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......
seeme -ur mum wants a ciggi????
ros - OH my -how stressful - and now having to fight with mum more (((((hugs))))
jam i found some fabrics hold toonie hair more than others and had to change ny duvet cover - that microsuede stuff is awful
ladee - we got to get u internet at the BS
starri - r u still making progress?
vic, Heidi, YR, asg, shawna, john, everyone else -sure i have forgotten someone
have a good n ight and a better day tomorrow
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Ros, hope mom is doing better, and you have calmed down. Jo, you still getting better? I found out one of the reasons I have been such a cry baby here recently, I apparently ran out of my anti's and didn't realize it, knew something wasn't right with my pillboxes, but could not figure out what it was... was crying on hubbys tummy last night, and it popped into my head..lol.. called the pharmacy, told the lady I needed my script, she ask when I wanted to pick it up, told her yesterday and she said she'd have it ready in 5 minutes..lol.. Got to love Walgreens.
Bailed out the truck yesterday, 200.00, but brother is going to split some of the cost, not much cause I won't let him, it was hubby's idea to have it towed, and fixed at the mechanic's, he did that for a living and my brother could have at least helped hand him tools... so we're eating the cost of towing, half the repair bill on the master cylinder, and then it was my idea for the oil change and plugs, so we'll eat that cost also..
Ladee? what is up with the no internet? are you having a phone put in at the BS? or using satellite or cable tv? any one of those can furnish you with internet.. a lot of your cell phone companies have data plans now, some reasonable some not so.. Glenn got us hughes net for here at home, on the pricey side, but it's high speed, you might look into that as well. Hope you are getting settled in... miss having you here.
Big hugs to all.
up early here but will get a nap later I hope though i have a doc apptmt in midafternoon - just some paperwork for something and a check of my latest thyroid results and requisition for tests for my annual
starri - glad u got it figured out about the antid's and are making progress
ros glad u checked in
Jam -re a name for the horse - as I was throwing up and dizzy and gary had just come back from his trip to the mountains with his son and was getting ready for his stint at camp (work that is) -and we only had a few hours - we didn't get to it - he should be home in a couple of days - for how long who knows - I will tackle him on it again
when I have mentioned names I haven't seen a reaction other that he has a black beauty so I am wondering as much as you are - haven't told him about calamity jo yet lol
thinking of you all - have a good day ♥♥♥
jo
Looks to be a beautiful day today. I am getting ready for sis to come and take over for me. Mom is getting tiring. Didn't realize how exhausting it is to listen to all the BS ( and I don't mean banana split). Mom wanted to get out of the Navy or Coast Guard, whatever she was in, she is ready to retire. Just cause whe was in it didn't mean she had to like it......OOKKAAAAAYYY......
Stormy, glad to hear things are moving in the right direction. Good luck with the doctors today.....keep us posted....
Shawna........customers are coming your way!!!!
Vic....how are things going?
Heidi....did you take the folks to Forest Park Botanical Gardens? I love to walk down the Lacledes Landing area. Don't know if I spelled that right. Had a lot of fun at "Muddy Waters" one night......at least I am told I did......hahahahahaha
Everyone please check in.........seems like I have been too wrapped up in things here and I am bored by my own situation. Please share yours so I can get out of this funk..........navy or Coast Guard.....I get seasick............
Seeme, escape outside if you can for a while, it was wonderful here yesterday, feels great this morning.. will try and get outside myself for a while.. Does your mom think she's still in the Navy/CG? Mom was a telephone operator, back in the days of the switchboards..lol, a workman's comp rep.. and we would always hear the same stories over and over again, I just nodded, hmmm'd at the appropriate places..lol.. she never could get over the round bales of hay vs. the oblong..
I've had one of those "muddy waters" nights..lol, only it wasn't there, came to the next morning, my boot heel in my pocket, no signs of my boots, but someone elses cowboy boots under the coffee table..and someone elses shirt on... guess I had a really fun night, and don't remember it..lol..
I just had the laugh of the day.........I am cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, mom sleeping in her chair and the phone rings.......I have caller ID, so I see it is LADEE!!! What is she calling me so early for??? Did she get internet already today?? Is she so excited she has to tell someone??? This is how the conversation went---------
Me: "Hello !!" **rather excitedly**
Ladee: "Hello !!" ** Who the hell answers the phone like that?** "I'm calling about internet service."
Me: **She must be pulling a funny on me** "So...did you get it already?"
Ladee: **What idiot did I get a hold of?** "No, I don't have internet !! You're supposed to get it for me!!" **This lady is too stupid for this job!!**
Me: **Is this for REAL??!!?? What is her problem??** "LADEE, this is SUE!!!" **Don't you know who YOU called?**
Ladee: **Who the hell is SUE?** "Uummmm.........?"
Me: **Damn, just talked to her last night!!** "Seeme Sue!! What's going on?" **I don't think she knows who I am yet!!**
Ladee: "Oh, I didn't know whose telephone number this number was, so I dialed it."
**Starting to laugh......**
Me: **Shaking my head and laughing** "Are you going to be able to find your way to work?"
Ladee: **Laughing...** "I AM at work!"
Me: **Wondering which one is the PATIENT today..........laughing........** "My internet doesn't reach that far!!"
We got to laughing so hard we could hardy understand each other. I am begining to think it is too late for her. Her internet jonesing has gotten away from her and she is in Coherent, could even be in Sane, she IS still driving..... She can't wait to see what I posted about it. She will probably get hauled off by the men in little white coats when she reads this in the library today.........let's all say a little prayer for her today..............later.............
time to get the coast guard to sort it out!!!!
sounds like the time the dog dialed my daughter long distance
he must have knocked the receiver off and stepped on the speed dial - i saw the receiver off and went to pick it up and heard Hello" so I said Hello, who is this. My daughter answered Me - You called? I said No
then we figured that the dog dun it.
almost as good as the time in the middle of the night when I was helping oldest son John with his Gd 12 math homework at 2 in the am - the phone rang
me "hello"
him "Is that Mary the whore?"
me (politely) "No, You must have the wrong number" -and hung up
a few minutes later the phone rang and again :"Is this Mary the whore?"
me "No, I told you last time you must have the wrong number,"
him "But this is the number I have been given for Mary the whore."
me emphatically - "There is no Mary here! please check the number."
then I hung up and waited and told son John if it rang again to pick it up and say in his gruffest voice This is Mary's husband -what do you want?
but it didn't ring