This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
57twin, isn't there anyone at AL you can ask about catering for visitors? They might even have caterers they can recommend who can handle the dietary requirements - and besides, it might be courteous to give them a heads-up that there's a potential bathroom crisis on the way..! But I hope the visit goes really well for all of you :)
Boss still have not approved my vacation leave. On Monday, I will ask him if he's still thinking about it....
Our experience with my dad was the complete opposite. They were totally supportive and available 24/7 and there were no charges, even for meds.
I guess, like in all of life, their are good services available and bad ones. If someone has an experience like you did, I would strongly encourage them to switch to a different hospice provider. My condolences on the loss of your brother.
One of the aides mentioned to me that dad was very upset yesterday as his new theme seems to be that mom died but he didn't go to her funeral. I asked what TIme this occurred as he was fine at 3 pm. She said after lunch until probably shortly before I arrived. Then it started up about 5-8 pm. I told her my aunt and uncle came at 3:30 and perhaps seeing my mom's sister triggered it? It seems to be his short term memory is getting shorter and he is having more of these upset episodes. Another stage into Alzheimers? I asked him to sit outside for a while as it will be nice and I do not work tomorrow so I will pick him up and we can go for a walk.
I hear you about a loved one dying alone with just you. It was beyond my personal skill set. My dad spent his final days at a hospice house with 24/7 care. Of course we were there too around the clock, but they specialize in the dying and made it not so scary. We could just love dad and hold his hand and be there for him, honor him, without all the physical aspects that come with dying from cancer. It's not pretty, in fact it's awful.
You sound like a strong woman. I am too. Sometimes you just have to know when it's time to let others share your burden. I will be thinking of you at this awful time in your life. ((Hugs))
Sheryl, my dad used to know my nieces’ names. These nieces babysit him every Saturday from 830am – 300pm. He calls one niece Debbie (not her name). It’s funny because her former boss also has Alzheimer. Like her grandpa, her boss also called her …Debbie! She’s so used to my dad calling her Debbie, that she also automatically responds to that name at her work. Lately, my dad’s been forgetting my name. He would ask me in frustration, “What’s your name?” When I tell him, he says that he used to remember my name but now he has problem with his (then he points to his brain.)
Gawoman, I know what you mean about being alone when someone dies. I was like when mom was dying. I should have stayed home but I fled to work and let my siblings from the mainland take over watching mom. They were the ones who ended up speaking to the police Unfortunately, there was a time discrepancy between when anyone last saw her alive, when older sis thought she died, and when they called 911. Older sis knew she died but was so scared, she didn't call 911. Instead, she spent about 10 minutes trying to warm up mom's cold body.
I did some googling. In order to conquer these sinus infections/problems, I need to find the cause.
1. Bathroom still has mold way up top near the ceiling. I cannot reach it - being short, under 5 feet tall.
2. I'm going to start decluttering my bedroom, stop hoarding stuff since it's gathering dust and silverfish.
3. Neti pot
4. I may need to find out if I'm allergic to gluten, processed sugar, starches, chocolates, caffeine, dairy, etc... Gees, I might as well just starve to death. It rules out practically everything!
The sinus massages work. BUT, I still feel my head is stuffed up. My ears are ringing, and sounds comes and goes. I went to Kmart and another mall, and the hand air dryer was soooo loud, my ear was hurting so badly. This sinus head pressure is either dulling sounds or amplifying it. It's strange to walk around with clear nasal passages yet my head feels so stuffed up. Weird.
So, I googled again. I have done this several times for the past year or 2. I just need to refresh my memory. I never realized that some people found the Mothers Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) had not helped their sinus or made it worse. When they used the Regular ACV, it worked against their sinus -problems. So, I'm going to try it. I also learned that I was doing it wrong. I was using cold water from the fridge. I should have been using Warm Water! My goal now is to try to release my head pressure using ACV, water and honey. (I need the honey hoping it won't make my GERD/Acid Reflux flare too badly.)
You have to call hospice. They didnt help me ,I canceled them. I like my moms doctor and dont want to payout of pocket for him. To me they were a nuisance coming when they wanted and not being there when you really need them. I think if mom was dying i would have them for meds to die at home but not until then.
Heard dads voice on the breeze and smiled once again
Saw Granpops and granma sat on the bench in the park
Smiling and happy together
My aunts and uncles were all there too
Even my cousin hes the lawyer dressed in blue
There was laughter and singing and food and wine
They were all happy together
I walked in the ward and saw mum today
Shed been with dad all night she says
Hed been there right in the ward that and called
She was happy once more
I left the ward in tears today
For soon she will realise she is still alive
And she wont be with Dad which is her eternal wish
And I cant help her
Lastnight, I did the 1 C warm water with 2 TBS ACV + 1 TBS honey. I sipped it until done. I didn't really feel any difference with my sinus.
This morning, I was running late. I need to do the ACV drink twice a day. So, I quickly did the 1C water and 2 TBS ACV, warmed it 30secs in micro. Drank it down so fast because I'm late. Wham! Ow! That just burned my throat while going down, and then the 'fume' flared right back up to my head. Oooh... Something cleared in my left side of the head that I have NOT felt any sinus pain/pressure there. Throughout the day, something felt like it was 'popping' in my head. My face still felt squishy with liquid inside. ...
Uhm... I also started getting tingling lips. No! No! I'm not allergic to ACV, am I? I'm using the Mother's unfiltered ACV. Maybe I'm allergic to something that's floating in there? So, I stopped by the grocery store after work and bought the Filtered ACV. I took the same dosage like this morning. No dramatic effects like the morning dose. I guess that Mother's ACV is very potent. I'm really hoping I'm not allergic to the filtered ACV... I do get large bumps on my upper thigh if I drink 1 small box of apple juice a day. Let's see....
It seems a lot of people here on island are having sinus infection. Very breezy, rainy, and mango season. My boss' own got worse - in severe pain - he had to go to the clinic yesterday. I'm sooooo glad that I've been self-massaging my face, drinking lots of water and now trying the ACV to control my sinus/pressures. Too bad that I cannot use the Unfiltered Mother's ACV. That is so potent!