This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm so glad for you. To be actively seeking out help from Various places - for your mom and for you. Keep it up. And please continue to update us.
I fed mom .put her down for nap.we went for motorcycle ride.. out to lunch ( sat outside) I got some fresh air and sun.. then he came over to grill..after I fed mom and got her ready for bed.. sat outside by the fire pit..had a few laughs..
It was just simply a good day.
today.... after mom goes down for nap.Im sneaking away to a restaurant to do a food tasting for bridal shower ( yay!!! no cooking for me) maybe another bike ride?? later /// screw the house and paper work.. ITs sunday,,thou shall not work.....gotta take care of the care giver !!!!!!!!!! feeling good this weekend..!!!!!!
You know, I don't consider living in my parent's house a real benefit. It does save me rent money, but actually I would prefer to pay some and live elsewhere. I would much rather not live with my mother, but it's needed. I imagine a lot of us feel like that. Mom talked about paying her rent one time and I said it wasn't going to happen. It would be a bit like making a prisoner pay rent for their cell.
My Mom's dementia/condition hasnt changed in over 4 years. She cannot talk or walk, I puree her foods and feed her and change her diapers, bathe her, etc. Sometimes I wonder if I will be too old to enjoy the after-care-life or if I will go first. :0).. I thank God my husband is a saint!
Its tough only getting a few hours out and watching my watch like a teenager who has to be home on time, I am in my late 50's! Well when Mom kisses me or laughs, I melt, love her to death! Bookluv, youre still at it too I see! Not sure where you live but I always get an antibiotic for sinus infections. My Doctor knows my situation and will prescribe it over the phone for me, I am lucky there. As for allergies, singular and daily nose spray has cured my husband of a life long battle with allergies, its amazing stuff. Good luck and glad to see you are going on vacation. Around here we can get a free week of a nursing home for a vacation, but I wouldnt put mom thru that. Take Care All.
Hi Gawomen, just do your best. Even if it means getting a kitchen chair, an umbrella, and set up outside in the yard or garage. If you have a baby monitor, you can bring that with you. Sit down and just enjoy the view, or read a book or web surf on your smart phone/tablet. Just be inventive on ways of getting out of the house.
Hi Book, nice to hear from you! Have a great Get-a-Way, you deserve it girl !
My nose hasn't bled for several days now. Since I've been doing my best to hydrate, and did some cleaning in the weekend and sinus massages, my sinus problem has gone down - except the stuffed head/ears. Tonight, I'm hoping to try for the first time the neti pot. I'm using the Pedriatic kit - using a bottle instead of the neti pot. (Yes I did buy a neti pot but I think I prefer the bottle? Maybe? Won't know until I try both.) Time to change his pamper. Then shower. Pay some bills. Then clean microwave again so that I can warm up the distilled water for my irrigation. Later!
Only one cousin of mine sends dad cards and visits as her son lives close by. She is the only one I gave some momentos of mom to as she and her husband did a lot for my parents when I could not. She also went through a similar situation with her dad and MIL so she also understands more.
I still remember the time that mom was in the hospital and we weren't sure she will survive. We were in the visitors waiting room. All of mom's siblings were talking,laughing so hard. It was as if they were at a party. My siblings and I, were on the other end, quiet, watching them enjoying themselves. Dad saw this, too. After that, whenever mom was hospitalized, we never called them again.
In case anyone is interested you can go to dmachoice and register to have deceased relatives as well as a caregiver section to stop junk mail. I registered both as for deceased they ask month and year of death and age. For the caregiver they ask a few yes no questions.
Let's see if this stops all that religious mail that still comes in moms name.
I just felt so bad not being able to even know how to communicate with him. Felt like a failed daughter. Now I see that those feelings are all about me and not about him. I also felt empathy and sympathy but my own ego and childhood buttons were undeniably dominating in my troubled mind. It's so hard to know how to sort this out and gracefully go with their natural process of passing on.
This too will pass. Still can't imagine being on this earth without my parents.