This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hmmm.. come to think of it, the back of my feet does goes up/down on All my shoes. I've been on a one-size fits all feet.... Something to think about - see a podiatrist. Thank you!
I was at the store. And the bottled water was stacked high...close to my shoulder height. There's no way I would be able to lift it off and put it in my cart. I saw this big tall man passing by. I approached him and asked if he can put one case in my cart. He looked at me and said to go ask the store employee. And walked away. Lesson learned. Don't ask other customers for help. Look for an employee or Try to do it myself (and hope I don't hurt my back.)
Just because one person said no doesn't mean that everyone is that way. Ask another time in a different situation and you may get another answer. You have NOTHING to lose by asking.
Yes Book get thee to a Podiatrist. you may not need special shoes but they will tell you which brands to choose. You probably need something wider but shorter.
Tonight! Guess what?!?! They were pulling out all these raffle gifts and they were down to the last 2 prizes. The 2nd to the last prize - was a free economy class ticket from here to the US mainland or Canada. They pulled out my boss' wife's name. Then the last prize - also a free economy class ticket to the Mainland/Canada. They said the number... 32254. I stared at my ticket. Read it carefully again, as the person repeated the number. OMG! It's me!!!! After I realized that it was really MY raffle number, I raised my hand high. And my bosses screamed out in jubilation. Others were saying that it was 'fixed' since our office of 3 people - won the only 2 free Delta Airline's tickets. =)
I have an airline ticket for next year's travel!!! A Free ticket! I'm soooo happy. I have a getaway ticket from caregiving next year! =)
And my very first win in my whole life. I kept my lucky raffle. Except, I can't find it! When sis goes out to smoke, I will follow her and check inside my car. The spirits like her. Maybe they won't bother me if I'm with her outside. =) !!!! =) Now, I'm going tell my siblings....
By the way, last year, I won an access to United Airlines' Airport business lounge. It expires the end of this year. I'm thinking of using it on my flight back home after my visit with bro. I have several hours layover in Chicago. I had plan to google info on the airport to see if they have anything interesting (like a paintings, murals, statues, etc... like your Denver Airport.. I would love to check out that Denver's mural painting..quite religious, if you ask me...)
When my brother offered his miles for my ticket, I couldn't help but think that God wanted this to be. That I should go off-island because I NEED to get away from oldest sis (unhelpful around the house), fave sis (and her OCD) and from dad. In the past, when I started getting really bad suicidal thoughts, the elder and his wife would drop by unannounced. It always freaks me out - of their timing. They usually do a yearly visit. I never ever doubted that it was God who sent them to visit me when I was at my lowest. So, although this trip to bro is stressing me out - the flights - I don't really have any other emotions than fear of flying.
Tonight, when I won that ticket. As I sat with the other people at the table, I could not help but think it was God again, who was able to finally allow me to win. It's as if He's giving me a goal, a prize, to aim for. If I want to travel on that Delta ticket, then I will not kill myself until I fly next year. He's giving me something to hold on to, to hang on to, for next year. And not just trying to live one day at a time, struggling with those deadly thoughts.
I'm writing this because whenever I shower, I allow my mind to roam. I realized that some of you don't have the opportunity to win a ticket to go anywhere. And I felt bad. Then my thoughts turned to God and His .. oops. I just nodded off while typing this. Too tired to think. Brain's foggy.
Chicago O'Hare is a huge airport I flew into it a couple months ago.
Of course if your Mum needs much care per se that is gonna cost sadly but it might be worth considering a sitter.
Glad - if I had won a one-way ticket, I would think the same thing. That it's God's way of telling me that it's time to move on. Except I would argue with Him and tell Him that I'm now too old to realize my dreams of traveling. I'm very forgetful now. I'm not as brave as I was when I used to travel by myself. Where will I go?
Mallory, one good reason the AL wants all of your mom's financial record is to know if she can pay for her stay, and how long. I have read here on this site, that they also have stepped in, went to court and took POA or some kind of legal standing over the parent. Then the NH or AL handled their client's financial 100%. It's a darn if you and darn if you don't. I'd google info about the AL. Find out if they've ever gone to court and took over someone's financial, etc... Hope you find a reputable AL.
Yes, roundtrip economy class.
I woke up this morning. Wondering what was wrong. What woke me up? Oh, I know! It's soooo quiet. Our livingroom's AC is very noisy. Very. I woke up to total silence. Total. I looked at my night light, it was off. Power outage. Strange how a sudden background noise that suddenly becomes silent - can wake us up. 11pm. I'm getting dizziness. Very sleepy. Still writing check payments for bills. Time to shower and maybe finish off those bills.
If he doesnt want to do that then tell him (note tell - do not suggest ask request or anysuch similar none of this please may I either!) that you are going to hire a sitter for one day a week whether he likes it or not. She doesnt need specialist care because you are not a specialist nurse (at least as far as I am aware). Your MIL is HIS responsibility NOT YOURS
Rant over - I now remember why I divorced my controlling husband
But above all stay with us and make sure that at least once a day you look in the mirror and say to the person you see I am beautiful and i deserve the best so today I am going to find the best FOR ME xxxxxxxxxxxx