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Gawoman – if your husband refuses to help you, to give you time off, then go for hospice. Depending on which hospice you get, some actually have people come to the home to give the caregiver some time off. Others just drop by and do a quick check up on her vitals. Did you contact your aging area department there? They might have programs that your MIL might qualify for. Or you as her overworked full time caregiver. I think with your husband making such a strong stance against putting his mom in a home, then he really does need to step up in finding EXTRA help for you. But he won’t if it means saving money, and you’re doing it free since MIL is family. Something has to give. I hope it’s not you, Gawoman. I remember how I was soooo glad that I needed to do a major stomach surgery. That meant that I had to avoid any heavy duty caregiving for 2 months. Family of next door were forced to step up and do my caregiving job. Didn’t really work since I had to help dad with mom, and had severe stomach pains from straining. So, on my 2nd major stomach surgery, I learned my lesson. I moved out of dad’s house, and was my sister’s houseguest for 2 months. That was fantastic! Please call around your area and see if your MIL or you qualify for some kind of respite care.

Mallory, AL would be great for your mom. You just need to find a very reputable one. I’ve taken some online courses of dementia. Elderly people NEED to associate with others. If they’re home by themselves or with family, they do become withdrawn from society. AL helps them find friends, and they sometimes blossom with these new friends. If AL is not an option yet, the adult day care is great. This will help your mom come out of her shell and enjoy having friends. The medical world have seen how much having outside normal life helps elderly – even those who have dementia. Another thing about doing office work at your mom’s – she will want more and more of your attention. I hope this won’t affect your business.

Prayerservant, you already know what’s ahead of you. I had reached your stage when my dad had a stroke and became bedridden. For over 13 years, dad and I took care of bedridden mom. So, when dad had his stroke, I realized that I have a very loooong road ahead of me. I was now taking care of 2 bedridden parents and none of my 7 siblings stepped up to help me. Nor my numerous adult nieces and nephews. I became seriously suicidal – set the date, where and how. I’m sooo glad that you’re proactive and got an aide. Kudos to you! And getting all those necessary paperworks. You’re moving in the right direction. =) {{{Hugs}}}
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Book is absolutely right about meeting with others of their generation. The geriatric psych - who I adore he is so so kind and so so straight but in a gentle way AND he embraces new ideology which is blinking fantastic says this.

1 It is common for people who are alone to become depressed and withdrawn - antidepressants do have some effect but socialisation is far more effective.

2 It is very common for people with dementia to long for an end this is NOT depression it is their way of saying they dont like being frail/alone/isolated/unable to do the things they once did/relying on others etc

3 It is very common for carers to also feel like AND for similar reasons however since this cannot be easily resolved this can lead to depression and suicide in some cases so intevention is required in the form of respite among other things.

4 4 hours a week is not respite it is a break we should all seek to get EVERY DAY so that we can take time to reflect on what we need (carers that is)

5 People who are cared for may well recognise they are a burden even say that they hate being a burden but are often totally unwilling to release the carer from their control over them - in these cases a professional is far more effective because they dont have the emotional tie that a relative does

that's his 5 pennorthworth and he said it to me AND Mum and you know what she agrees with him ! Hmmm so far she still agrees but not sure how long that will last! probably till the next time i mention the word respite!!!
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JudeA, my dad used to rave over his favorite doctor. Until she kept suggesting he goes see a urologist. Now, she's no longer his favorite. He criticizes her, etc... Yep, you're right. Your mom will continue to agree with him until one day he suggests something that she so disagrees with.
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4 hours a day break...that sounds like it should be law. Plus 2-day weekends every week! And paid holidays 10x a year! I guess as a self-employed person, I have never had any of these (and my work is needed on major holidays). So I have to invent a weekend, and holidays.....but with advent of "stupid"phones it's hard to do....every time I turn the ringer off I risk losing a potential client. So yes if I moved my desk to mom's house she would probably drive me up a wall. Or maybe she would recognize how much work I actually do. I am just so envious of my spouse who literally cannot take phone calls from his work-- they all go thru screening--unless someone is dying he's protected from a the family drama (mine and his). Some people are right when they say, they go to work to get a Vacation!
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I hear ya mallory ubt its true if you dont get some sort of break from dementia care you end up so exhausted that you cant care effectively - its not that its difficult per se but it is mindnumbing - at least when you care for children their capacity expands - with dementia it just decreases bit by bit every day till in the end there is nothing
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Mallory, it's so true. My work is my sanity.
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Hello Ga Women an everyone else on here I can relate with you Feeling selfish i don;t believe is that I think it numbness That how i feel in my life I know we shouldn';t feel this way But a caregvier life can do that to you When you always doing for others I can understand Because I
a caregvier to someone with dementia That is having health promblems And you try to help encourage they want to argue Im glad we have this place to vent on Are frustrations Or maybe something were going through being a caregvier Could help someone else Hugs and Prayers to all the caregivers
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I just got back from bringing my mom a jar of hot fudge sauce. She said she was craving it so bad, could not get to sleep without a nice dish of ice cream but all would not be well unless she had some hot fudge to go over it. So after THREE phone calls begging me to get some & bring it, what do I do? Oh yeah. I feel like crap for buckling under, but I figure she would just call me again so this was the only way I could get to bed. I can't turn my phone off, because the pendant call button is set to call my cell, my home phone, and then spouse's cell. Grrr. No, I did not stay to eat with her--i'm on a low carb diet so none of that is allowed. Grrrr.
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My teenage son said I am enabling her just like she is an alcoholic, and the only way to stop it is to not answer the phone after 8pm. But how would I know if it was a real emergency?
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Tell your teenage son you are fully aware of that but unless he wants to spend a week doing what you do that you dont feel he is qualified to comment. I know as do you that what he is saying is right but from a distance how can you possibly manage that unless of course you can find a care alarm service like the one we have here. It offers several standards of service ....levels if you like....we have one that does NOT make us the prime caller the first point of call is that they come out to her and they have a keysafe number so they can get a key and get on if she has locked the door. That way you could turn your phone off and rest. If not then Im afraid you either end up sleep deprived or you do what you did - cursed under your breath but anything for an easier life
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Weird things happening. I used to do a lot of traveling before mom became bedridden. In preparation for my trip on June 9th, I've used my Macys gift card to buy an on sale Samsonite 21" carry-on bag (will use as checked baggage since I'm short and it's the right size for me to reach over the carousel and pull it off while moving) from $260.00 on sale for $87.74. Free since I used my gift card.

I can bring on the plane one carry-on and one purse. Due to my neck pain from even using a shoulder purse, I had to buy at Kmart an expensive (to me) rolling carry-on bag - which I will put extra clothes and essentials (in case my checked luggage gets lost). If it cannot fit below the seat in front of me, it will go up on the overhead bin. I love to buy purses, computer bags, and shoulder bags. I went to one of my luggage that has my purses in it. For now, I found my 'purse' which is actually a travel bag for a small laptop and essentials. My iPad (without the keyboard), wallet, passport, 1 thin book, and hopefully essential toiletries can fit in it.

The earphones... I have so many of them - in my search to find ones that would work with my laptop. Most did Not. So, I went through my stash and tried each one to see if it works with the iPad. Found 2 that was very clear. Cable kept tangling and decided I will look later tonight in my stash for that cable fish. They always give that as a freebie when I bought sets of screen protector and cover cases for the kindle and the nook (years ago). Lo and Behold, I noticed that I have an unopened packet of cable fish on the edge of my computer desk. Ooohhhh. I don't recall putting it there. Don't know how long it's been there. I googled on how to use it.

This morning, I went to do laundry. I noticed on top of the old washing machine, amidst the vines, a very pretty many faceted lead crystal small cup. I stared at it. Ignored it. Stared at it. Ignored it. My eyes were drawn to it. You see, last year, some very old, dirty saucers (for cups but the cups were missing) appeared on that old machine. I ignored the saucers for months. Finally caved in and took 2 in, washed it, cloroxed it, hot watered it, etc.... One of it is my favorite saucer.

Today, that lead cup was calling to me. I even walked up to it, to stare at it despite my brain telling me to stop, go the opposite. It's a trick. It wants me to take it into the house. I only went halfway, stopped and stared at the crystal glass. It wasn't there last weekend. It wasn't dirty like the saucers. It's shiny. Pretty. Drawn to it.

I remembered my nephew telling me that when the spirits try to give you something, you should take it. But the scaredy-cat me, said that if I take it into the house, whatever is attached to that glass, would be brought into the house by me - whom my nephew says that the spirits now view me as the head of the house - even though grandpa is still alive. Sis is too vulnerable with these spirits. And my thoughts keep going to that cup. Nope, I'm not going to bring it in.

I also bought lots of neck travel pillows. I dug up the inflatables - 4 of them. I've inflated 2. One is well covered with fleece but the u end is too short. It won't support my head on the sides. The cheaper one, is like a rectangle shape - which does support my head on the sides. After I'm done changing dad's pamper, I will inflate pillow 3 and 4 (4 is like a seatbelt shaped that hooks behind your neck and crosses your chest. Never tried it...) Later.. I have to do dad...
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P.S.. I used to buy lots of stuff on my traveling days. New luggage for each trip, new carry on bags, new travel pillows, socks, travel size toiletries, etc... So, basically, I'm 'shopping' among my years of buying travel supplies... I think I found all the travel pillows that I bought and stashed away. I think. I still have not opened my 2 old luggages. Who knows what's in those!
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Mallory, there's another caregiver similar to your situation. She lives separately from her grandfather. And he is always calling her for this or that. Even the neighbors frown upon her when she doesn't immediately respond. I can see from her posts that as the weeks go by, her grandfather wants more and more of her time despite her struggling with her 2 kids. I wonder... if maybe you can have your son help take over some of your chores that you do for your mom. He might understand the situation better. Or understand that your mom will keep calling non stop until you do. Or maybe not....
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I had this problems with my 93 yr old mother before we put her in an assisted living. She would call all times of the night and scare us to death. But, after she became delusional and would call ten times in a row, I would take the first couple of calls to make sure she was okay and then stop taking them. At actually helped. I hope you find a solution to your situation with your mother. It really is tough making the hard decisions.

My mother had a cell phone when she first moved to assisted living but after calling so much and then calling 911 three times in a row, they came out and gave the phone to the manager and we took it. I hated taking her phone away but we had no choice. She can go to the nurses station and call if she needs us. Actually she is in progressive care. Her mind is gone but her physical heath is good. But, we have to bring her food. She will not go to the dinning room to eat or go walking. It is hard just getting her out of bed. She will not participate in any activities and just stays in her room and sleeps until 2:00 pm in the afternoon. My brother and I have to alternate the days so one of us has been there to see her. We hate to let more than one day go by without one of us there and she is 45 minutes from my home so it is not easy getting to her. She is in a nice facility but there were no affordable ones near me.. It is very hard for me getting there so often. But, we have to bring her food to eat. She lives on Boost and snacks. The doctor said she could live a long time just on the Boost Plus. Mother has no money, The home takes it all so my brother and I have to buy everything she needs. She does not want to shower and we have to almost force her. She was always such a clean and neat freak we cannot believe she will not get dressed or go walking. It is so sad and it breaks my heart. We the caregivers are so helpless as are the patients. It must be the worst illness that can happen to anyone. I feel so tired and worn out all the time from the mental and physical stress and I have CFS/FM/ME and this is very debilitating for me too. But I realize there are no easy answers and this could last for ten years or more since she is basically healthy. Mother hardly knows she is in the world but does complain and fuss so when we visit her. She knows how to put a guilt trip on us and with her being so out of her mind I realize she cannot help it. So, it is really heartbreaking to watch her and know there is nothing we can do for her but be there.
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watching my MIL going down is about to kill me. I dont know if thats really happening or not. Yesterday she was awake almost all day and did well, today she has slept all day and looks so gray. I have no idea. It about breaks my heart. I wish I just could put this all in a distant place in my mind so I dont take it so bad.
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Went to my mom's again today. Brought a bunch of single-serving Hagen Dasz ice cream cups which were on special. Sort of cute and maybe it will prevent her from eating a whole pint at one sitting? Also did some cleaning & organizing. Has anyone ever put every single bill on paperless? She is already on Auto-Pay for everything, and I had thought to leave her monthly statements as coming in the mail. BUT, she has so many of them,.just put in a pile of papers. She opens them (and maybe feels.importance & self-esteem via the act of opening a.letter.....) and then just stacks them up. Is there any benefit to continue this? Or maybe, is there any harm in discontinuing them? I am not able to pick her mail up every day anyhow. I guess I shouldn't seek to reduce her amount of ma, but it seems to serve no real purpose. Or am I forgetting something important here?
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You're not missing anything you said it yourself
She opens them (and maybe feels.importance & self-esteem via the act of opening a.letter.....)
It IS something she remember she has to do and she does it....after that she clearly hasn't a scooby do of what to do with them. You could always go paperless from the various companies and then print the statement/bills out put them in envelopes and give them to her to open - that way you have them both ways and if she loses one you have it covered
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Sunny, I’m ignorant when it comes to homes. Because your mom refuses to go to the dining area to eat, then the home will not cater to her by bringing her the Boost? Is your mom still trying to control you and brother by forcing you both to come on your days to visit her, feed her? Have you spoke to the head nurse or the coordinator if they have any ideas on trying to get your mom more involved in the activities? Is there another resident there who can befriend your mom, gently encourage/lead her to join the activities? I think, if you can get your mom involved with the other residents and participate in the activities, you and your brother can cut back on visiting her daily. Form a plan of action.

Mallory, it sounds like your mom loves to receive mail. Is there a way that you can just send her postcards every week? Or go on a flea market or garage sales and buy picture books of flowers, homes, gardens, etc.. Then tear out a page, fold it and mail it in an envelope. You can always write a short note about the picture enclosed.
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Gawoman, I don’t think I kept a journal of my mom’s stages dying. I will describe it from memory. For years, mom had the feeding tube through her stomach. One day, her stomach would only take ¾ of the can, then gradually to ½ the can. (Her stomach or digestive system was shutting down.) For years, mom would sleep all day, and be awake all night. That was the next change I noticed – when mom slept all day and all night. (Increased Sleepiness). Then, it was so weird to see her legs slowly losing their muscles – starting from the ankle, and each day, it crept higher and higher. I have never seen someone’s legs in which the muscles/fats disappear, and her skin is tightly wrapped around her leg bones. And to see it gradually moving up her legs. I started panicking – thinking that I was starving her because her stomach was now only taking less than half the can. Then One day, I was so shocked to see that her shoulder bones had suddenly lost the muscles/fats – and her skin was tight against her bone. I felt soooo bad that I was starving mom!

I think I came on here, AC, about it. You see, I didn’t know that mom’s body was already shutting down. That’s why everyone told me that she was close to death’s door. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, one night, her lower feet was super black. Gross looking. Then in the morning, it was back to normal. Then another time, her hands were super black, then the next morning, it was back to normal. That is also a sign of the body shutting down. Towards the end, every morning, around 630am, mom would struggle to breathe. It was an awful long 30 minutes of hearing her. I don’t know how many times I reached for the phone to call 911. I just couldn’t handle it. I felt so bad that she was struggling to breathe. A poster at the time told me to google dying. And so I did.
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I need to start listening to my dad. When it's still only 8pm, and he's counting the time for it to be 9pm to change his pamper, that should have been a hint to me that he's really tired and wants his pamper changed Now. Because by 9pm, he's knocked out and doesn't want his pamper changed. I need to remember this.
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Now, I'm trying to wake him up to change it. And he tells me that it can wait until tomorrow.
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Thank you Book. It was a response I needed to hear. I know she is probaly close. she has all the signs. I have not heard the hard breathing, but I know she is very weak and still wants to go to the cancer dr. on tuesday. I cannot believe she is still willing to do treatment. Yesterday it was evening and she said she couldnt tell if it was day or night. Thanks for your comments. My panicking comes and goes.
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Appreciate your posts JudeAH53 to Mallory. You voice what so many of us feel - caregiving is mindnumbing and explaining what you are going through and why you're irritable most of the time is not understood by others unless they, too, are a caregiver. Sometimes the guilt is overpowering but you give in like Mallory so you can get a little needed rest and peace. When they live with you and you care for them 24/7, every little thing sometimes seems to be a mountain. I have a little garden for respite, I take a fast walk across the street to the school and back for a little exercise and hug my pets for non-judgemental comfort. Others, your friends etc, don't understand what its like when a parent has dementia and each day a little more of their memory disappears and they are changing before your eyes, It hurts, its frustrating, its irritating, its overwhelming, but you love them and only want the best for them each day, It would be worse if I were in my mom's shoes and she were in mine -- I don't think I would be a very good patient!, Hang in there Mallory -- don't heap guilt on yourself when its not warranted and have some outlets for your frustrations. You are right to come on here and vent -- that's what we're all here for - to give each other support,
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I stopped to see Dad this morning he was in a good mood. My sister had printed some pictures with a color copier and I taped them to his wall.
He had some of his shirts sitting on his lazy boy. The old tank tank ones which were my husbands but dad sleeps in them. Man were they worn and holey. I was embarrassed so I am buying him some new ones tomorrow.
I think I will bring them on Wednesday as I have been trying to visit in the morning or early afternoon.
Also thoughts please. His last big episode of agitation was when he thought he was locked in a church and had to get his girls. I have a baby photo of my sister and I and am thinking of taking it out of his room? I am sure he does not remember me as a grown woman at times but a toddler instead.
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Bookluvr thanks for the idea for me to send mom some mail....even though I have to pick it up for her (she is afraid of falling during the walk down driveway & across street to the boxes) she loves to get the big wad of it, even the junk mail, she feels connection to "the world ". Joyfuljo, yes this is so mind-numbing! I have spent dozens of hours checking out asst living centers near to me (and some not so near). I get royal headache trying to compare them all! None of their "menu of services" are the same. Some include 10 meals per month and others 3 meals a day plus snacks. Every single one in my major metro area, when adding in medication administration, is approaching $60,000 per year. Despite the national average of $3,300 being widely quoted, in my area it's averaging $4,100 plus medications is additional $600 to $875. A month. So I am re-thinking the whole AL question, and considering moving her in with our family. I know half of you are screaming Noooo! Don't do it! But the thing is, I cannot imagine placing mom into one of these places, where she will eventually breathe her last breath. I myself would want to be surrounded by my family, so why shouldn't I provide that for my mom? We do have an extra room and can make the bathroom work. I can hire in-home caregiver to come for 4 hours a day as needed. My mom basically just watches TV all day, and eats. She doesn't play cards or do crafts. She likes my dog & cats. She would enjoy it here and am I totally crazy for feeling like I could do this?
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mallory, My experience with moving my mom in with us was NOT GOOD. And once she was in with us it was horrifying, literally the worst thing I ever had to do, getting her to move to an AL.

Keep in mind, her physical abilities will change. Then that occasional 4 hours a day of help will seem like nothing and you'll be on call the other 20. Think long and HARD before moving her in.

I know it has worked well for others on here, but they seem to be the rare case.

You seem to be very emotional with the 'eventually breathe her last breath' comment like you're leaving her alone on an iceberg somewhere. I hopefully will be there holding my mom's hand when it's time for her to pass. Heck, I'm there every other day for three hours and talk on the phone every day I'm not there. And I'm darned grateful to be able to sleep at night without a 3 a.m. potty call. It was way too much for me as one person. They have three shifts of people that are well-rested to do the job.

I wish you the best in your decision-making. It is so difficult and you have my sympathies. I wish it wasn't so hard, but it is. :(
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Mallory NO, don't do it!
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We are on the verge of placing mom in memory care because the twisted sissies and auntie dearest think it will be cheaper than staying at home. HA, are they in for a surprise! The inheritance they have been so concerned about will be gone. Then when it is they will have to move mom to a medicaid nursing facility. I feel so bad for my mom, but I am DONE! Not doing this any longer.
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Mallory if I could suggest a further alternative?. Im not sure you have them commonly over there but could you afford to build a granny annexe to your house. That would mean she would still retain her own independence (sort of) but more importantly you would retain yours, AND you can put as much safety in during the build so wider doors, hand rails all over, wet room that will accommodate wheechair and perhaps a hoist later. Must obviously have a bedroom a bathroom and a sitting area but perhaps a second bedroom for another person if she is unwell and needs a little more attention than normal. I think you may, if you havean intercom system set up find that to be cheaper than private care in the long run
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Mallory, if you bring your mom home, will there be 3 people to do 8-hour shifts when the time comes? 2 people doing it - is very difficult, very stressful and relationships get affected. One person will think that they're doing the main caregiving while the other claims that they work all day, and tired when coming home. So most of the caregiving falls on one person. My dad did the main caregiving totally. I came home from work, and took over. My vacations was spent staying at home so that dad can get some time off. When I got back to work, my boss said that I look worse now than when I left for my vacation leave.

Soon, all your daily activities (includes walking in the park, parties, weddings, etc..) are curtailed because of mom. Every time you leave, they will want to know where you're going. If it's not work related, then you should stay home, etc...

If you hire someone, will your mom fire them. The bathroom. I hope you have a very strong stomach. Up till now, I cringe when I have to wash my clothes in our washing machine. There's no hot water hook up. It's disgusting to use the washer knowing that dad's yucky stuff was washed in it.

Research hard before moving your mom in with you.
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