This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The lifter is not only used to pull him to the center. When mom was alive, she was totally in a vegetative state - couldn't even lift a finger or turn her head. I would use the lifter by pulling her to the center of the bed. Reach over her to grab the lifter opposite me, and use it to turn mom towards me. This way, her whole body turns and not just her upper body. Before I turn mom to me, I put all the cleaning supplies (No rinse water, wipes, toilet tissues, wash rags, lotion, calmoseptine, etc...) to the opposite side. Once I have her turned to me, still straining holding her weight towards me (because her body wants to automatically go back to lying on her back), I quickly stuff heavy duty but soft pillows behind her and over her legs to keep her turned towards me (or away from me). It won't hold long, so I have to be pretty fast in going around the bed and clean her. Then, I do the same on her other side.
Now, if dad is going to the clinic or the ER, I now fold the lifter vertically. I have some heavy duty very long sheets for this. It needs to be long because dad will slide down and so I need to leave excess sheet dangling from the feet position. This way, even if dad slides down, the EMS will still be able to lift him and his feet will still be in the lifter.
Well, I look quite oriental, if I must say. Definitely don't look like a local native or Filipina.
Been reading up on my ebook on acid reflux. The last book I read was a strange paranormal romance book. Older sis sent me a box full of romance books. I don't read romance books. I find myself reading a few pages and then throwing it away. I got a whole box full to go.... Too bad we cannot share personal info. I would much rather send it off to someone who loves romance books...than throwing it in the trash. Our one and only used bookstore closed down. Fave sis tried selling off my books in her garage sale. I told her if she doesn't sell it, throw it. People are more into videos...
Do you have a library or a school you could donate the books to? I gave books to a Good Will Store once but you probably don't have anything like that there.
Glad - that's sad when one hears about those kinds of violence. It makes one wonder what was really happening behind those closed doors. At least the husband didn't go after her at her work place. We had that happened here on island. The husband entered shooting into the clinic, shooting people. I can't remember if he succeeded in killing his wife and her coworker. Then started shooting the other people. The police shot him in the head and he died in the hospital. That's our very first work place violence. He did this the day before they were due to court for a restraining order against him.
I also remember in another news report of a wife trying to divorce her husband. I can't remember if she was in the process of getting a restraining order or got one and was now in the process of divorcing him. He was so angry, he shot and killed her lawyer at her office.
I've heard that some women, when divorcing or breaking up with their boyfriends, they flee the island. It's one of the best ways to get away from him. And hope he finds another a woman to distract him from seeking revenge on you. Fave sis' ex boyfriend threatened to kill her. His mother called and warned my sis. That's when sis went to court to get a restraining order against him. He's now trying to get to know his daughters (my 2 fave nieces) and their kids. They're both afraid of him. He's not all there in the head.
I am down to 2 days a week for most of the summer so I can start spending part of a day on outings with dad. Next week I will take him to local botanical garden to see spring flowers and lunch afterwards.
Since I switched to early visits he seems better. Also trying to talk slower and through less info his way. You have to be real aware of what you are saying and how fast you talk!
Pam, despite all the stress, you're right - it's very important not to forget your dad. I can just see the relatives' reaction if this happened. Take deep breathes once in a while to help find calmness.
Reading romance harlequin books are so, so,so boring. I'm not sure I have the patience to read all those books. Couldn't believe that my mind wanted to read the acid reflux book instead. Nope. I want to read as much of those romance books so that I can get rid of it. Once I have a book in my possession, I feel obligated to atleast Try to read it. Even if it means just reading the first chapter, a middle of the book paragraph or 2 and then the ending. Done, I can get rid of the book. To rid a book without trying to read it - is like sacrilegious to me. So, I rarely buy or accept books that I haven't previewed from the back cover.
Gosh it's so hot! I want the air con on.
Our outside washer - unfortunately - is filled with filthy water (rain + dirt). I did not clean it today. I should but ... our washer and the outside outlet (which has NO weather cover) was exposed to the rain for hours. I was not brave enough to stick the washer plug into the outlet and then turn on the machine to drain the filthy water.
Since filthy water inside will get filthier tomorrow, I've been googling how to clean a washer, top load. ALL the advice said to run it in HOT water. All the advice had the word "HOT" in capital letters. We don't have the washer hooked up into our hot water. So, I kept googling. I finally found on Wiki that I can make hot water from the stove and pour it into the washer. I never thought of that. I will do so tomorrow. I'm Guessing that I'm suppose to fill the washer maybe 1/3 with the regular water, and then pour 2/3 hot water? No instructions. It will take me a long long time to use 100% hot water from the stove.
Our bathroom screen has a large tear from the typhoon. I don't have time to look in the phone book trying to find someone to fix our house's window. I asked several times for bro of next door and he always find excuses not to do it. He told me it's impossible to fix the bathroom window (screen with No window pane or louvres. ) BIL says it's not normal standard window.. and just left it at that. I guess he's saying that someone will have to custom-make the screen and custom make the glass pane. Yet no one is giving us a number to call! One business acquaintance blinked when he found out that I paid $800 for a professional to fix our shower leak. The plumber only charged me $125.00 because oldest bro stood there when the job was done and told me how much. But, I bet if bro wasn't there, the guy would have charged me more.
Can you beg borrow or steal a toilet snake to unclog the drains. If all else fails undo a wire coat hanger and see if that does the trick. Home Depot should have cans of that rubber sealant they advertise on TV that should seal a hole in a leaky shower. Not a pretty repair but your house does not sound as though it is a thing of beauty. if you can get washing soda or if all else fails baking soda (in the baking isle at the supermarket) once a drain is clear pour that down the drain and pour a kettle of boling water after it. Do no touch the power plug or we will never hear from you again and those airline tickets will go to waste. you need to syphon the filthy water out of the washing machine. Here's what you do. get a length of hose about 3-4feet long fill it with water blocking both ends with your thumbs. Put one end into the washer still blocked with thumb and hold other end below level of water in washer . Let go of both ends and water should start to run out. Keep the end in the washer below level of water till empty. You can start by bailing some of it out if you dont have a hose. Plug the washer into an extention plugged into a dry outlet in the house. Run several rinse cycles to clean out the washer then do the hot wash with some bleach. That outside outlet needs to be changed to a ground fault protected one. brother could do it but probably won't so dad can pay for an electricion if he does not want to see his daughter fried. see you later Book
1. Bathroom window with only a shredded screen keeping the crawlies,colorful caterpillar with plenty legs, our infamous tree snakes (loves indoors) and especially mosquito (try using the restroom with one trying and succeeding in biting you several places where you cannot slap it,). All those reasons have made me decide to find a solution.
2. Ahhh.. I Tried to use the baking soda with hot water and it didn't work. I see why. I'm suppose to unclog drain first and Then use the baking soda. Google research didn't tell me that.
3. We had a very long and well made snake. Bro of next door borrowed it. And never got it back. Just like when they borrowed our toilet plunger. And never got it back. And our nozzle (that I use to flush dad's poop before going in the washer)......
4. Outside outlet. Brother won't do it. He will tell me to buy the supplies, he doesn't have his electrical tools,etc... But has no problem rewiring our auntie's house for free...or nods at me, and walk away. Been there, done that. Yes, time to hire a professional. Add to my To Do List.
Washer is outside sis side bedroom. Thanks for the tips. I'm beginning to see that googling information doesn't include other practical advice.
Our neighbor, my brother's rentor, just knocked on my door. He begged, please, can I borrow $45.00 and I will pay you back on payday.
I said immediately, No. He looked shocked, and then continued to beg.
I interrupted him and said, "No. You owe me money." He stopped suddenly, confused. Then asked how much.
I said, "$20.00."
He replied, "Okay, I will pay you back $65.00 on payday."
I said, "No, that is not how it works. My rule is - if you borrow $20.00, you pay me back $20.00. And then, you can borrow again. That is my rule that applies even to family. Ask L. Sorry, but that is My Rules."
He accepted. And left.
Before you pass judgment, this guy's wife is a very hard worker. He spends most of his time drinking, getting drunk. He's been arrested several times. And he has borrowed so much money from dad, a little here, a little there. I had to complain to brother. Supposedly, he's no longer borrowing from my dad.
I actually said No. I usually have a difficult time saying no to people... except when it comes to my money. I don't even think he remembers borrowing $20 from me. That was several years ago. I don't remember the year, but I sure do remember that I didn't get paid back.... This is why I have a reputation among my family as being tight-fisted with my money.
When it is the weekend, she will ask me what day it is and I will tell her. Then she will mumble and grumble and sometimes curse cause she doesn't get to go to the Center today. "That's just great", she will say. Let me tell you what that means for me---I am stuck home with her and her attitude. But my lack of a life means nothing to her.
And before anyone says that I need to take time for myself--go for a walk, treat myself to something I like---I have and I do, if possible. And there is NO ONE to relieve me on the weekends.
Next week I start therapy...that is what it has come to. I have to "fix" myself in order to deal with caring for her. Right now I have such self hate and guilt because all I wish is for her to be gone.