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Ga, how hard to be given the morphine packet with that notation on it. Had anybody said anything to you before you read it on the packet?
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GA thinking of you hun at this really difficult time stay strong sweetheart xx
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My mother was on Lasix (Furosemide) for years to control her edema due to CHF. All was fine, and then - wham - her legs started swelling up and wouldn't stop. I adjusted the Lasix dose (can't give too much - it puts even more strain on the kidneys) but that didn't help. When HUGE water blisters formed on the top of both feet - I took her to ER. I'll spare you all the folderol that followed. But I found out that the body can build up a resistance to Lasix. They put her on a different water retention drug and that helped the edema greatly. So it made her a bit more comfortable until the next thing happened.
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Ga sorry you were scared by the note on the morphine. It is standard practice in hospices where this is allowed to place a packet containing certain drugs that could be needed in an emergency for a new patient. It is usual for the hospice nurse to come and assess the need for morphine before she gives the first dose and instruct the caregiver on how to give it. Our hospice was never allowed to provide these drugs and I have often had to get a pharmacist out of bed in the middle of the night to dispense morphine. i am glad you have confidence in this hospice nurse and she talked frankly with you. It sounds as though she will be with you every step of the way. Blessings.
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To answer your question....no I had no clue it was coming to the house. It was a total shock but I also knew that Hospice was end care...so I just stuck the box in the fridge and didnt say anything to anyone in the house about it. Yes I am very confident in the nurse (one particular one) that comes here to the house. All total we've had about 4 come out in two weeks, two of them several times. I sensed yesterday her legs were much worse, fluid all the way up into the thighs. Her face was also swell and her neck was huge. Like I said her eyes looked chinese and it took me aback (a southern word) and almost shocked me. I called hospice and told them and they sent the RN out and she assessed her condition but didn't really say anything except had she ever done dialysis. (the dirty word right now because her brother died immediately when he was hooked up to it) and she said no..and I dont want it. Today the one I'm so comfortable with came out and I talked to her about all my fears and had all my questioned answered and it made me feel so much better. She is a real sweetheart! At least I know what else to expect, and this evening I noticed her toenails are turning dark, which I have read that is a sign. I know this is really gonna be hard on my family, but im more prepared than the rest cause I have watched all this first hand. I appreciate all your comments and support, and please just know I need your prayers and thoughts within this time. I may post questions in case you know and I dont in the next week or so. Bear with me.. and thank you all.
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Big ((Hugs)) gawoman. I'm glad you had that talk with the nurse. At times like you are going through, it's so much better to know what to expect than be in the dark. It's the not knowing that makes it so much harder when someone is dying. Sure, we don't know the time, only God knows that, but it's easier on us to know we are supported by people that have been through it before.

My thoughts and prayers are with you right now. It's a really difficult time for you and MIL. I wish peace for her and for you and your family.
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Wow! And I thought I had a bad day. I feel for you and hope you get good rest and things get easier. When I'm at my lowest most exhausted self, I try to remember a funny joke or think these parents can't go on forever like this. Today I was planning to take a day off from caregiving. My own bills, Dr appts, unreturned calls, grocery shopping, work, have all been neglected. The nurse was with them, but dad called and I felt worried and spent most of the afternoon with them dealing with their mail and unpaid bills.
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Gawoman, thinking of you and the family. As I read your posts, I'm relearning the stages of end of life. When my mom was going through it, I was too busy panicking. I don't really remember much of it. Just the panic that mom was dying and I didn't want to go through it alone. I cannot say that I would handle it better when dad goes down that road. I'm pretty sure I will be running around like a chicken with no head. Is there a family member or a friend who can be there with you? You may think you can handle it, and I'm sure you do, but it would be great to have someone to lean on to, to share your fears, etc... I'm basing this on my experience. {{{HUGS}}}
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I am a caregiver for my mother forthelast15 years. I also had my father who had alz for many years. My grandmother lost both of her legs to dietabics. I had the three at one time. I know being a caregiver is hard at times. My siblings want help me at all, but my father and grandmother died three months apart. It was hard too lose to family members that close. Now it's just me and my mother. I don't have any social life to live. I love my mother dearly. I pray daily for strength to care for her. Hat's off to all the caregiver we are special people.
'
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Jings Jacqui that is serious tough work. Now that there is only one person to manage wont they even come and give you a break for a couple of hours a week?

I am tempted to say go and drop her off at their house so you can recharge your batteries but I suspect that is a no go area for you and I suspect they may just drop her straight back. I am being a bir crass here this is your mum not a bag but hell girl you are entitled to a break sometimes.

But you are where you are in this life so some possible options. I dont know whether you drive or what your financial situation or your mothers capacity either so I am working blind but some suggestions.

Is there a centre near you that you could get mum to? Even if you have to stay with her at least you would get a little more conversation and socialisation than you are right now.

Can you organise for people and their carers to come to your house for coffee one morning? Again socialisation for you and your mum would be beneficial - DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT THE CAREGIVER NO MATTER HOW NICE THEY ARE.

Would your local church be able to offer a sitter for you one afternoon a week just so you can go and do whatever you want to for a couple of hours (even if it is to only sleep)

Have you considered having a family meeting with your Mum there too and saying I need a break so I can continmue to give Mum the best care I can - use the loss of your dad/grandmother as the pivotal point of you needing time to grieve properly

Are there any charities that could support you?

Could you get your Mum into respite for a week or so ?

You have to have a break now and again hun or you will wreck your health and then who will look after Mum xxx God bless sweetheart
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Mother left last night. I was there for her final breath. I was glad I was there for her at the end to stroke her head & tell her everything was ok.
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SamI am so sorry for the loss of your Mom -you were there for her and took very good care of her and I hope that helps you and hope you have people there for you now.
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Sam my condolences sweetheart..being there is just a blessing some dont get to have so well done you for braving the final moments ....I know how tough they can be. She knew you were ok with her leaving you and I am so glad you could make her end peaceful and gentle.

Try now to get some rest for you will need it in the coming days and weeks as you grieve and put her things in order ...my thoughts are with you hun xxxx
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Just thought I would remind everyone of the 10 things we never tell our parents - I know I have posted it before but sometimes we just need that gentleness in our lives again

1. When you are lost in the haze that is Alzheimer's I cry .. a lot
2. I want for you to be happy but I dont know whether you are
3. That hurts
4. I don't know how frightened you are
5. I'm not perfect as a care Mum but I do try
6. I watch over you when you sleep at night and hold your hand until you stop being restless
7. When you fall the fear in your eyes breaks my heart
8. When you ask to die I die inside because I can't help you
9. Just because I am cross with you sometimes, it doesn't mean I have stopped loving you
10. I hate your disease but I would do it all again because you're my mum
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Sorry for your loss Sam-it's seems you were a wonderful caregiver to your mom.
Friday's afternoon's are happy hour at dad's AL. YEs if allowed they have cocktails/beer and snacks with the activity director playing the piano for an hour and some have instruments. Since dad moved in last July, I have missed 3 happy hours, one I was ill, one I had to work and the other we had an event to go to. Slept poorly last night and I was busy at work so I did not attend this afternoon. And I feel guilty as next Friday we have an annual event so I will miss again. I am sure my sis who lives 1000 miles away will give me grief about this. Leaving dad after happy hour hour is over which about 4:30 has always been a bit confusing for him partly because many people are coming and going, lots of talking and dad pretty much keeps to himself.
I did spend most of Wednesday with him going to local botanical garden, an errand, lunch and a trip to a greenhouse.
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I remember at the end of "The Sand Pebbles", Steve McQeen Is mortally wounded. As he lay dying he kept repeating to himself, with a complete look of bewilderment in his eyes-"What Happened-What Happened, I was almost home?" I find myself asking the same question-What Happened?We were about to retire. We had plans to live out our lives together. What the hell happened?
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Oh Richie sweetheart I feel for you hun xxxx Have you family supporting you. I think its about time someone had a word about life's map - it would be nice if we all knew what was in store for us wouldn't it? It seems someone tore your life's map up but don't despair we cant be there in the physical sense but in the virtual world we are here to help.
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Just me and my dog slogging through the mud.
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Richie the mud will dry eventually and you will have to bathe the dog. Life goes on
hard as that seems. We never know what is just around the corner and i feel that's just as well. Blessings
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I am flat out exhausted, similar to when my babies were born and nursing all nite. Mom developed a blood clot & some other stuff, spent 5 days in hospital this week and now is in rehab. The jolt to my system is unbelievable. I am coming home to sleep at night but otherwise am at her side. Finally realizing I need to let go a bit, especially as Rehab will be doing lots of PT/ OT. They are hoping she will return home, but DH is skeptical, doesn't think she has any fight left in her. Time will tell. But aside from my own exhaustion (physical and emotional ) is the gross and icky reality that only one of four siblings has been in touch...with me, and zero of them has called, sent card or flowers. HONESTLY. How much effort does it take to pick up the phone? And they do all know of the situation. I am spending 12-14 hrs doing all the family stuff, and they can't even call or send a bouquet. So pathetic. Makes me want to cry. All of it. But I will have to stay strong and get through this somehow, and hope she can work really hard in rehab.
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Suffering from anxiety and I'm also PMS-ing. I feel like I want to cry, but the tears won't come out.
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Mallory - that you have stayed supported and are dedicated to her care is a testament to your strength and courage hun and yes it is a shame that the same cannot be said of your siblings but from what we read on here that DOES seem to be the case {{{{{huge}}}}} darling keep the faith and get some rest.
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Dani have a good look in the mirror sweetheart. Are you eating properly, are you sleeping properly, are you having some time to yourself? If the answer to any of those is no then you might want to try to address that first. Failing that you may want to see your doc and get some mild meds to help you through this phase
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Today is Mom's 93rd birthday!
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Woo hoo cakes are on you then! I'll bring the bucks fizz
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Its 11.50 in UK just before midday and so far I have:
Stripped two beds and done the washing - now on line
Emptied the commode 6 times and disinfected
Steam cleaned commode commode are and mattress and remade two beds
I have showered Mum
Creamed her whole body
Dressed her and got her ready for church
Checked her handbag with her more times than anyone would think possible I stopped counting at 20
I punched the koal a few times on the way out of the room - you have to understand this a cuddly toy that I loathe and refuse point blank to play pat a cake with - Mother is not amused but that is a boundary for me
Got mum to church went shopping bought 4 planters,2 hanging baskets, 2 wall baskets and lots of summer plants and potting compost
Came home planted them all up and put dinner on - today is the only day we eat at lunch time
I have just got back from picking mum up and as she came into the room she said 'I thought you would have put the koala back in his bed. What have you been doing nothing as usual I suppose'
The carving knife is in my hand as I type (well mentally it is) now do I destuff koala or slit me throat?!!!!!! Dont you just love caregiving???? PS that was meant to be humour I am not feeling suicidal
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Everyone, if they can should read a piece in The N.Y. Times today on pg. 15.
It is entitled, May I lie to my husband To get him to see a Doctor? This was written for us! This is in the magazine section.
Let us look ahead for a moment! We are the the last of our kind" The Caregiver"
Who will take care of our children when They get old?" There will be no money for them from the government! Cut-Cut-Cut!
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Jude i thought it was Mum's throat you had in mind. you really did have an idle morning, was it sunny while you sat inth e garden sipping a nice cuppa?
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Having bad night wife with alz has been up wandering looking for me but does not know whoi am first time she has done that for so long any way of bringing her out of it she thinks she is back working at the hospital and I ama patient .she is looking at old pictures and knowers everyone .is this just another step in the journey
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Leakey yes, sounds as if this is part if your journey. It may become a regular occurrence or it may not. Have her checked for a UTI as they can sometimes cause sudden changes. Once this sort of behavior becomes regular, YOU, are not getting any rest, it is probably time to check out memory care communities in your area.
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