This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Leaky you have me all wrong hunny. This old bat is definitely NOT sweet However I DO care. I feel that in life there are many roads and many houses. Some of us choose the steepest hill to the house that needs most work doing on it so that others may choose the easier route and the nicer house. Anyone caring or organising care and dealing with dementia issues is on the steep road and they deserve all the help I or anyone else can offer. In the end our route will be the glory for we will know we did our best - maybe not the very best ANYONE could have done but we did the very best WE could and that, Leaky, can NEVER be taken away from you.
Leakey, mom started walking a lot in the late afternoon till night. Nights were the worst. She would wander out and we would spend hours looking for her in the dark. Dad finally installed several locks on all the doors - the one between the livingroom/kitchen and all the exit doors. When she couldn't get out, she became violent. Banging on the door demanding to be let out. When she sees us, she comes after us when we refuse to let her out. It was a very stressful time since dad didn't want to give her meds for her aggressiveness.
Mallory, you have now been officially told to cut back. I hope you take advantage of it. That is the one thing that I don't ever want - panic attacks. I have no time for those debilitating things. I have to go to work, etc...
To avoid this there are several things you need to consider and several things you can do.
Firstly you have to try and put yourself in their shoes. They may have no idea where it is night or day (and they may be blind which would exacerbate the situation) they know they want to leave the room but cant open the door. What would you do? Of course you'd bang on the door, the you would shout. And what would you do if they still didnt let you out?
Right youd be mad as heck...so let's look at what you can do
If it is night time wasndering then its likely they have reversed day and night - This happens a lot and the doc may be able prescribe to help reverse that back for you
You can get riser alarms so that if someone gets up either from their chair or the bed you will hear the alarm
You can get door alarms so that if they leave the room you will know about it.
Putting food and drink on a table may settle them
A commode in the room would alleviate the problem of them NEEDING to leave the room - but be warned they may still WANT to leave the room.
If stairs are a worry you need to put a relatively high prevention gate top and bottom of the stairs
And finally the most simple of all probably if youowuld hear and respond is a baby alarm or monitor
Please dont just lock them in - almost every professional I have ever worked with says this is abuse even though they recognise the difficulties