This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
If they need further info could they email you 1 email between them and you will answer it in the next update. That way everyone has the right information and they all have exactly the same information
Then take a moment and prepare a list of meds he takes and when he takes them and what he takes them for.. Shove that in a draft message and keep it safe. Then once a however often you decide send that along with BIll is much the same except that now:
and then list the changes
Do that every month and you have done your job. Oh and always add this
Bill is depressed now the docs have withdrawn his medication, but I know he would love to see you all. Could you let me know when you will pop by - only for an hour or so - he tires very quickly these days. It would give him such a boost and will give you time to talk with him, before he declines further.
If nothing else Oregon they will never be able to say you didnt keep them informed or offer for them to come see him. And if they do you have incontravertable proof they are lying which may settle you a bit hun.
When that time comes Oregon take a journey to lake Oahe -its a good way away - Dakota I think (Im a Brit what do I know) and watch the suns set and rise over the plains. Look at the huge skies and know he is there for you. Then up into the rockies and see their grandeur and know he is there for you , then perhaps to the grand canyon and see its vastness and know he is there for you, go and see as many natural wonders in the USA as you can and know he is and always be there for you. A love like yours cannot die. It becomes a beautiful memory that we can rely on to be there for us when we are in need
Just be very careful about leaving him alone. One never knows how far family will go to protect their 'inheritance '.
Life has always been scary for me.
I want to make a suggestion about that pressure, though; which I hope will help in a practical way. Some of the questions you're being asked are not unreasonable ones, it seems: for example, if your father was in that position, wouldn't you want to know who was nominated to be in control of his affairs? The response "it's none of your business" - which is what even silence amounts to - while it feels very natural on your part, is not likely to make them stop asking, and unfortunately that makes it counterproductive. If the information is confidential, tell them it's confidential. If it isn't, tell them who is nominated - why not? After all, they have no authority to change any decisions which have been made - they will have to like them or lump them, so they might just as well know what they are.
If they then go on to take issue with decisions and harass you with arguments, keep strictly to the single point that the subject is no longer open to discussion. It is settled, it is done, and it is not for you or them to alter.
Communication is the key. If letting them stew deterred them from contacting you, it would be a helpful strategy; but clearly it is having the opposite effect. So instead distinguish between reasonable questions which deserve a reply, and cheeky ones which deserve a raised finger, and then I think you will find the barrage much less overwhelming and oppressive.
By the way, it is possible for these daughters to be concerned about both their expectations, if any, AND their father's welfare. Whether or not they are remotely concerned about you is another issue, and will largely depend on what your relationship with them has been like from the outset. If it has *ever* been amicable, use that as a basis for telling them what positive things you would like them to do. If not, cultivate a professional manner for dealing with them - as though they were a bank or an insurance company or something like that, people you do need to have a certain amount of contact with but wouldn't choose to if you had the option.
Does your partner ever express a wish to see them, by the way?
Unfortunately, often siblings often suspect the caregiver child of exploiting parents. It has also happened in my case, and nothing could be further from the truth, and it has been a very long battle. The sibs, I call mine the twisteds want to believe that we are mooching off parents, not paying rent, you name it so feel we should do this job for free.
Who is executor for your mom? Who was mom's POA for financial?
2 nights ago, we had a small thunder and lightning with rain. This dramatically changed the next day from 100 degrees to 88 degrees. What a difference it makes! Last night, I stood by the sliding door and felt a cool breeze (not the usual hot wind). This morning, I'm sitting in the kitchen drinking my hot coffee with no fan (temporarily in the living room) and I'm not sweating. It's 8:30 am and Everyone is still sleeping... I have 5 full days left before I'm literally on the plane for 20 hours (not including the layover hours).
So you did 26 years of care during which time they offered no support and I assume you took some remuneration for this? See a lawyer honey they shouldn't get a bean
Enjoy your well deserved holiday as you earned it.
There was a sign that looked like a railroad sign, an X with "R" on left and right. But I didn't see the tracks. So I asked my brother what does that sign mean (then I did an X with my fingers and said R R). Just as he said railroad, we went over the tracks. I think it's so neat seeing a firetruck sign. We don't have that at home.
Today, we drove to North Carolina to visit The Outer Banks. We parked and walked to the sandy beach. It was so hot. While walking on the sand, my feet sinking into the sand, I suddenly got vertigo. I grabbed the wooden post to stop the dizziness. A few more steps and got dizzy. I finally stopped walking when the dizziness got worse. We were suppose to walk along the sand but couldn't because of my dizziness. On the way back, I told bro that I need to hold him to steady myself. I held onto his tshirt's sleeve. I really don't know why I got those terrible dizzy spells while walking on the sand.
We went to Wal-Mart and I bought the travel pillow/blanket for my flight back. The blanket provided by the airline is super thin. I also bought a very pretty and a bit thicker shawl made of 57% rayon and 43% acrylic. My sweater was not thick enough to protect me from the airplane's air con... Tonight, I will start doing the nasal rinse in preparation for my trip. The decongestant pills will start on Saturday. Then the steroid nasal spray on Monday morning.
Picking up Dad for blood labs this morning, then breakfast out and he needs new pants as most he cannot button. Will bring back to my house for a quick garden walk well I will drive us around in the Gator for convenience.
I injured myself last night by smacking my face on a set of grow lights hanging to low in basement and have a massive headache still. Missed the corner of my eye by about 1/2". Light now moved higher.
Loads of stuff on there
She threatened to fire me the other day. This is a new thing for her; a few months back I lost my temper and told her that if she thinks I mistreated her like she says I do (mistreatment meaning, not getting a snack every twenty minutes) then she would jolly well have to find someone else, and she was all like, "No, I don't want you to leave. Why do you dislike me so much? Blah blah." Well, she's always been manipulative like that. But now she's threatening to fire me, although she isn't even the one who hired me. And why did she threaten that? Because I sassed her a bit after *she* got mad at *me* for no reason.
Ah, such is life I guess.
or www.mmlearn.org if that works!
I bought one of those bath sponge with a scrubber on the other end and pre-soaped. I've never used one before. I'm loving it. I don't know the practicality of using it back home with the humidity. Everything gets moldy so fast if you don't have constant air con. I will see if keeping it in the livingroom will help.
I saved a yoga exercise for neck/headaches in my laptop. I didn't on the kindle. IPad is recharging. I started taking the decongestant pill and nasal rinse yesterday in preparation for my long flight back home on Tuesday. I will find that video!
There is a book that I had stopped reading (prefer fantasy books to take me away from everyday life) that is based on the caregivers perspective. She agreed to take mom to her home. Found out that the 2 bedroom house was a bit small for 3 people. She wanted to use mom's money to build an extension on the ground floor (bedrooms were upstairs) for mom and her sister refused. So, she gave up her bedroom to mom. I gave up reading it because it was reminding me so much of mom and us... I would give you the book title and author but I'm not home. It's Not an ebook which I would have been able to give you the info.