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Leah...i feel so bad for you, and everyone actually, having to endure hateful stuff from loved ones. I just DREAD when mom starts that a lot. She was overtaking pain meds as one of the symptoms that began after her memory failure got to a certain point. I had to take the boytle and start putting out the designated amount for the day and that went over like a lead balloon! That was the 1st time I saw how hateful and mean she could be. She looked like her eyes were gonna explode out of head. It upset me for days because shes never acted that way to me before. But she was furious that i was 'treating her like a child'. Its just so hard to see them turn into someone else.
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Its been awhile since I've been here. My MIL died June 4th and since then its been sad but I feel as if I got out of jail free. Nope not exactly, yes I am relieved of all my everyday duties and stressors now that she has passed, but I do miss her everyday and I sometimes want to pick up the telephone and call her! I have caught myself thinking of what she is doing at home, but I know she is not there. It is really sad losing someone you have spent so many years with. I hope she is dancing in heaven and I keep trying to tell myself -just get over it and get on with life. If it just were that simple. I came here today to see how you all are doing in your lives now...and I see you guys are still going through the same things. It is agony caregiving when someone doesnt appreciate it. I have to tell you my husband has been so caring and good to me since his moms death, he has treated me like a queen and always asking my opinion on what we should do about things instead of making me feel like I was being bull dozed over like in the beginning when he said I had to quit my job to take care of her. He has shown me the respect I so needed then and I have to say Im glad I didnt just up and refuse to do what he wanted me to for his mom while she was here. It was 7 months that I took full care of her, but it is just like a sweet memory now, and I pray each night she knew how much I really loved her. I feel as If ive lost my own mother in a way. I still think of all of you, and really still think of your words as support while I was taking care of her. Thank you all. Gawoman
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I'm glad for you, Gawoman. Thank you.
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I came home from work at 7:10pm. I walked into the living room and dad's poop smell was Very Very strong. Overpowering. So strong that my no-sense-of-smell nose actually smelled it very, very accurately. The smell followed me to the hallway and past the bedroom. I was torn between changing it now and filling the kitchen with poop smell or eat dinner and then change it. I decided dinner first since I didn't eat much for lunch.

On the way home, I stopped by the Japanese store and bought salmon something (never tried it before) and Octopus kelaguen (raw octopus soaked in vinegar, onions, cucumbers, etc...) I don't usually eat raw meat but I wanted sushi and that was all they had left in the store. I ate the octopus with rice doing my best to avoid thinking the word 'raw'. After I change dad's pamper, I will Try to eat that raw salmon rice sushi-like food.

By the way, I don't know how sis can sit in that living room and not choke from the horrendous smell of dad's poop. Sigh... Off to change his pamper and quit procrastinating!
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MIL had another stroke on June 30th.. Left side is totally useless. Vision mostly gone. Only the right arm works, and not well. Can't even sit up, needs a hoyer lift. Not eating since the stroke, just sipping thick liquids. Assisted Living said they cannot take her back, even just for Hospice. No local Hospice beds and of course a long holiday weekend. And I have a broken ankle.
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Pam, sorry to hear about MIL. And how it seems everything that can go wrong is going wrong, especially when you're not in tip top shape to handle it as efficiently as possible.
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((((Pam)))) I know there's nothing I can do, but I wanted to give you a big hug.
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Pam, I am so sorry about MIL.

Am I recovering from four years of 168 hours a week?. Slept until 8am this morning. Haven't done that in nearly 40 years at least. I did not think I knew how. Couldn't believe it wien I woke and looked at the clock this morning!
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Pam my poppet that just sucks hun. Keep strong and do try to enjoy Indepence day a little if you can xxxxx
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Oh Pam, I'm so sorry - you must be having a whole season of 'one d*mn thing after another.' What happened to your ankle? Is your MIL able to stay in hospital just for the time being? Very early days, and there could be significant improvement over the next week or two. Hope good options turn up very soon, hugs to you.
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When the doctors took my Partner off of his anti-depressants because of a rash, he threw a glass of Cranberry juice at me across the room. I was more upset about the clean up than anything else. I just knew he was mad and that he needed the drugs. I called the doctor and the nurse and told them about the episode. I told them if he cannot be on the anti Depressants, then THEY could come and take care of him. It is exhausting.
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It is hard enough doing care giving, but this week our kids came with 2 of their 4 kids.I love them dearly, but I just took to the couch and let them run here and there and let the parents do the running for each child. As long as they were here, I went to bed and fell asleep. Sorry kids...The next day after they left, I looked at the house and wondered if I would ever get the strength to clean it up. This is now two days later and I am still wondering. It just took everything out of me to have company on top of the care giving. They are such good kids and grand kids, I don't want them to stay away, but I end up paying the price of exhaustion. It is like with this job, you cannot add ONE MORE THING to your day. I finally hired a gardener and have an ad running for a house cleaner. I am learning that I cannot do it all.
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Pam, sorry to hear. Wondered what was up. Missed your posts. You have your hands full. I hope matters improve and you feel better. In the mean time, delegate as much as you can so your ankle can heal. All the best.
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Get well soon Pam. Can MIL spend some time in rehab then go on to NH? or are you considering taking care of her yourself? Hope you are not you have more than served your time.
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Arghhh my loyal caregiver had surgery and will be out 2 weeks at least. My fill in weekend only helper told me today her back hurts from transferring Mom and cannot do it. I need a endometriel biopsy next week and have a dental appt in which I cannot make either one. The doctors offices just don't understand when you say you cant come! So if no one can lift Mom do I now let her mess her pants in bed? Ughhh this is getting to me, over 7 years now. God Bless her, I love her, but I feel like I am killing myself sometimes. Thanks for letting me vent.( Pam, medicare pays for the hoyer and sling) Hi Book
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Hi Reverse. Maybe on the days of your appointments, your mom can use pampers and be changed on the bed and remain in bed. It's a solution for when you need to go for appointments. As long as her Depends is changed when soiled (or several hours intervals) and turned every 2-3 hours- she shouldn't be able to get bedsores.

I had signs of severe endometriosis but my doctor never caught it. The pain progressively gets worse until one day you cannot walk far or even sit up to eat. If you want to continue to give your mom excellent care, then you need to follow up with your health issues. Otherwise, you end up bedridden in pain and someone doing their version of caregiving.
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Hi Book, thanks, its getting to the point that Mom gets tired on the toilet and once in her wheelchair will stretch her legs out stiff and her head back as if she is in bed and slowly I lower her to the floor. Her seatbelt goes right up over her belly and does no good. Its not often by both caregivers I have used had it happen. Now that one is out sick and one wont lift anymore I am screwed. What do you think of changing her, feeding her in bed and rolling her to her side and she poops in bed? Oh the thoughts of it sickens me but I may be at a turning point in her care. Was your endo issue okay? I know, I have to find someone so I can go but am scared to death of the biopsy. PS Moms still a B**** to roll to change. I need some straps to pull and keep her up I guess! XO
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Reverse this might hep you:
http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic64.html
or if this doesn't show
http://www[dot]hospicepatients[dot]org/hospic64[dot]html
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Glad to have found this site. I take care of my husband. Hating life very much. Glad to see I'm not alone Guilt and frustration and rage are with me constantly. I never knew it would be like this. Thanks for this site to vent and just read and feel like someone understands exactly what I am feeling.
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I was going to whine on the whine thread, but I can't because Shilo's mother has just died and on the scale of things…

But how I am doing today is just horrible. I looked up my old boss's firm to check his contact details so I could cadge a reference from him and discovered that he died in March, of early onset Alzheimer's. I am stunned. I had no idea he was ill, it must have been incredibly rapid. Or am I so out of touch? And early onset Alzheimer's? What??? I feel like God is sitting up there watching my every move and going "HA-ha-ha! - not this time sister. Are we learning anything yet?" Only I don't know what the lesson is I'm supposed to be learning. That everything I touch turns to sh*t?
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CM, what a shock I know how it feels to find out that someone has passed and not being aware they were even sick. I found out about my boss a number of years ago. He developed pancreatic cancer and was gone within months of the diagnosis.

It is strange though reading this news of yours, has impacted me more than I could imagine. I am trying to figure out why. Probably has to do with the early onset dementia. This wretched disease should be reserved for the elderly. Taking someone young makes dementia an even more cruel disease.
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He was such a sweet man. Such a lovely man. And he must have been 55 at most - I can remember his telling me that if he 'hadn't made it by 30' he'd consider himself a failure. And I said "and what are you going to do then, jump off a bridge?" But he wasn't a failure, or at least every time he did fail he picked himself up and bounced straight back. He once got punched in the eye by a bouncer after an office party - I wasn't there, too busy with kids, but it became a legend in the firm purely because he was the least tough guy you could possibly imagine, and everyone was too astounded by his squaring up to this big bully to hold him back.

I can't believe he's gone. He was also the one who told me to stop worrying about how untidy my house was because "we don't love you for your dusting." And when I had to leave my job he wrote in the card "life will be a bowl of toenails without you." Which was not true, because I was probably the most challenging and insubordinate employee he'd ever met, let alone hired, but he was very loyal and very kind.

And of course now I can't remember when I last spoke to him, but it wasn't above two years because I asked him to take my little girl out to lunch and give her the "So You Want To Be A Headhunter?" talk. Only of course it was above two years. More like four. The time warp of caregiving, I'd forgotten.
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CM keep the faith you are doing awesome considering all the things you have been and are going through. Next time Drd says "are you depressed Mum?" just give her a slap up the side of the head.
Sudden death especially shocking of someone you know. You really feel the loss if they died from something you are or have been closely involved with in this case dementia and the ffect it has on the family
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Cam, it's so obvious a shock. Unfortunately, when we're in the trenches of caregiving, time seems so slow..because we're too busy dealing with the hour-by-hour caregiving, worrying about the bills, very exhausted and trying to get family to help out. It never fails to surprise me how time flies by and I didn't even notice it. I remembered last year that a friend told me that an acquaintance died of cancer. I was shocked (because another person I know has died to cancer.) and recalled she had lots of kids. I felt guilty that I didn't meet her again before she died. So sorry.
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I want to start off with a BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL, then dive into my rants, Ugh! Im so frustrated with my FIL! We just biught a carpet cleaner a couple of weeks ago, did the entire house, all carpeted, in one weekend, and they turned out beautiful! Bu my FIL, insists on carrying his food from the kitchen to his TV room, even though we Alway state we want to do this as he has become such a fall risk in the past 6 mo. But, No, ornery cuss that he is, he tripped and fell while carrying microwave Mac &Cheese, yes that extra orange muck! Wel, after getting him up off the floor, and assessing any bodily damages, none, had to scrape the muck of of cleaned carpet walld and doors, plus help him to change his clothes and mine. ? It is nt the first time either, he just won't give in to us helping him, and its so frustrating! Im forever telling him to use hus walker. But he won't be bothered, so he has fallen 3 times in 5 days. I've gone so far as to tell him that one day he will break his hip or shoulder, he's 85, abd Will end up with surgery, and then go to NURSING HOME, his Biggest fear, but nothing penitrates his thick skull! Sorry but is this Man thing?, as my Dad used to be obstinate like this to8, maybe he doesn't like taking suggestions from a young (55) girl like me. He's only been with us for 11 years now, and we only have his best interest at heart. OK, I'm done ranting now, and I do feel better! I hope you are all having a Stress free day! I'm off to steam clean carpets again, here in Sunny Seattle, supposed to get up to 95' today, Ugh!
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Sorry I'm unable to spell check, as I can't see the little box when I'm typing, forgive my errors! Stacet B
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OK, im back, I HATE cleaning a man's bathroom! Do you think it's wrong to get maid service to clean his (FIL'S) wing, bedroom, TV room and his bathroom, and charge him for the services? I have severe knee Arthritis, and it's all just becoming too much! Hubby has really bad back issues too, and he just doesnt ever do it to my liking anyways as the bathroom is the main in our home, and the one guests use while visiting. Mind you he does pay us 1000 a month to live with us, pretty generous, seeing some other comments on the blogs, many others get nothing at all, so, am I being petty, I just think it's gross the longer I do this endless, thankless, frigging care! Frustrated in Seattle!
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Hang in there Stacey, I cleaned the first hall accident of the #2 variety during physical therapy about two weeks ago. My daughter was extra clingy yesterday, so my husband had to tend to the mess in his dad's room, he lost a few body functions before the ambulance arrived. He got most of it up, but I know I will have to do the rest most likely. I feel for you and can relate with the bathroom! I have to remind myself to get in there and clean, as I hardly go, except to collect his laundry and go omg, I have to clean this place.

As far as the independence, my FIL is just the opposite. He wants to be waited on, we bring him everything. We try to encourage him when he was doing better to get things himself but it wasn't working. He couldn't even crack his own crab legs the other night. My husband offered to do it for him, but he decided to eat something else.
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How am I today? My mom is dehydrated and I am having problems getting her to drink anything. She has aspiration problems so every time I give her something to drink I am anxious. The only thing keeping her going is Ensure Plus, juices, and occasionally water. I am in my middle fifties and I believe this stress is going to kill me. I can't seem to be calm anymore. If I could, since I have been caring for my mom since she had an aneurism in 1995, I would place her in a nursing home but can't afford it. I still have a job and I can't afford to just quit after working 29 years. No one is going to support me. I am not married and I have no children. I have to admit that even though I have had many set backs and my own health scares, I have never felt so hopeless in my entire life.
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Stacey you get in whoever you need to hun if he can afford it. Why on gods green earth would anyone CHOOSE to clean if they didnt have to. So he pays 1000 a month and what would he pay in a care home? or an ALF? That's rent sweetheart its not a hotel fee and there is a difference.

On the proactive side get him a walking trolley so he can put his meal on the trolley and then wheel it in - it's saved a million spills in our house although this week mum is really too weak to do much at all
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