This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
On the way home, I stopped by the Japanese store and bought salmon something (never tried it before) and Octopus kelaguen (raw octopus soaked in vinegar, onions, cucumbers, etc...) I don't usually eat raw meat but I wanted sushi and that was all they had left in the store. I ate the octopus with rice doing my best to avoid thinking the word 'raw'. After I change dad's pamper, I will Try to eat that raw salmon rice sushi-like food.
By the way, I don't know how sis can sit in that living room and not choke from the horrendous smell of dad's poop. Sigh... Off to change his pamper and quit procrastinating!
Am I recovering from four years of 168 hours a week?. Slept until 8am this morning. Haven't done that in nearly 40 years at least. I did not think I knew how. Couldn't believe it wien I woke and looked at the clock this morning!
I had signs of severe endometriosis but my doctor never caught it. The pain progressively gets worse until one day you cannot walk far or even sit up to eat. If you want to continue to give your mom excellent care, then you need to follow up with your health issues. Otherwise, you end up bedridden in pain and someone doing their version of caregiving.
http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic64.html
or if this doesn't show
http://www[dot]hospicepatients[dot]org/hospic64[dot]html
But how I am doing today is just horrible. I looked up my old boss's firm to check his contact details so I could cadge a reference from him and discovered that he died in March, of early onset Alzheimer's. I am stunned. I had no idea he was ill, it must have been incredibly rapid. Or am I so out of touch? And early onset Alzheimer's? What??? I feel like God is sitting up there watching my every move and going "HA-ha-ha! - not this time sister. Are we learning anything yet?" Only I don't know what the lesson is I'm supposed to be learning. That everything I touch turns to sh*t?
It is strange though reading this news of yours, has impacted me more than I could imagine. I am trying to figure out why. Probably has to do with the early onset dementia. This wretched disease should be reserved for the elderly. Taking someone young makes dementia an even more cruel disease.
I can't believe he's gone. He was also the one who told me to stop worrying about how untidy my house was because "we don't love you for your dusting." And when I had to leave my job he wrote in the card "life will be a bowl of toenails without you." Which was not true, because I was probably the most challenging and insubordinate employee he'd ever met, let alone hired, but he was very loyal and very kind.
And of course now I can't remember when I last spoke to him, but it wasn't above two years because I asked him to take my little girl out to lunch and give her the "So You Want To Be A Headhunter?" talk. Only of course it was above two years. More like four. The time warp of caregiving, I'd forgotten.
Sudden death especially shocking of someone you know. You really feel the loss if they died from something you are or have been closely involved with in this case dementia and the ffect it has on the family
As far as the independence, my FIL is just the opposite. He wants to be waited on, we bring him everything. We try to encourage him when he was doing better to get things himself but it wasn't working. He couldn't even crack his own crab legs the other night. My husband offered to do it for him, but he decided to eat something else.
On the proactive side get him a walking trolley so he can put his meal on the trolley and then wheel it in - it's saved a million spills in our house although this week mum is really too weak to do much at all