This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So I poo pooed the idea of the garden in my new yard this year. It would cost me financially to put it in (Wood, dirt, fertilizer, fence to keep the deer out, me weeding, tilling, watering..... but he would grow the tomatoes.... then we would can them.... (Oh his "we" is "me and my wife"). So I nixed that one.
He loves to drive to go no where or just drive 20 miles to get fruit then say "its not as good as home" (or insert anywhere else in the world)....
My wife is making jelly today, something she has not done before but wanted to try some basil jelly since we have a lot of basil in our container herb garden. So dad comes right out to the kitchen and asks"if I pick blueberries will you make me jelly?" My wife diplomatically refrains and changes the subject.... but dad says "mom and I used to can all the time, its easy"..... Yeah by meaning mom used to do it while he watched TV.....
Last night I am making roasted chicken for dinner... "Oh. you read my mind, I wanted chicken with stuffing".... I replied, "I made with without stuffing". It was dinner for us not dinner for him...
I get it he is lonely but no where does he lend a hand except he will help clear the dishes from the dinner table. He can cook quiet well but wont because my rule in my kitchen is you make it you clean it up.....
I love my dad but he loves to be catered to. We will be glad to make him something he likes but he loves to say "I really could go for an apple pie", promptly buys the apples, sits them on the counter and waits for us to make him a pie... aarraagghhhhh!
It's just a thought. Know of any single ladies he could learn to impress the socks off, so to speak? It would give him a motive to don apron and rubber gloves and become a genuine master chef instead of all talk.
My dad always has a ton of napkins in his room as he must take them when he is done eating.
For the most part, I like this job.... the family is great....lots of laughter and no squabbling among the sibs....they hug and kiss each other... I know folks, these families REALLY do exist..... I finally get to see one in action....Mr H is wonderful.... 90 yrs old and from strong German stock... looks 70, and has pep in his step..... but am learning to deal with J...... walking out of the room works for me...... she gets it and calms down..... the family is really good to me, and vice versa, and of course I am good to J, I can get her to laugh when she untightens her butt hole...Life is too short to be upset all the time... I am going to be dead longer than I will be alive, so making the best of it is what I am doing.... have missed ya'll, but needed a respite from all the sadness on here... had a bucket of my own..... Love ya Ms V.... !!!!! Hope everyone finds one tiny thing to be grateful for today.... love, hugs, angels and chocolate.
We have a new program that is about the cancer Survivor's stories. I finally saw the show last night - Episode 3. I was torn about watching it. I'd much rather not think about cancer. Two of the guys are young. Younger than me. One of them had severe stomach pains for months. His doctor just couldn't find what was causing the pain. As a last resort, the doctor referred him for a colonoscopy. He has cancer.
At the end of the show, they brought up the statistics. The cancer rate in the US mainland is going down. The cancer rate on this tiny island (you can driver 40mph around the island within 1 hour without stopping at the scenic views or the beaches) has gone up. Last year, it was a person dying of cancer every 3 days. This year, it's now one person dying every 2 1/2 days.
Cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death on this island. Of the cancer, the top 3 culprits is: Liver, Lung (we have a higher rate of smokers per capita than the Mainland) and Colorectal.
And now I know why my doctor told me that next year I'm going to have a colonoscopy. I said, "Nope, I'm not." She said that I have until next year before we have a discussion on this. Now I know why she insists.
A client's runner dropped of a check in our office. As he was walking out, he stopped and said that I lost some weight. I know for a fact that I've not because I'm consistently either 100 lbs or 104 lbs. I have been struggling with the midnight 'snacks' which is in actuality another full dinner meal (not a snack.) Before my trip, my stomach was growing - that I looked pregnant. After my trip, my tummy went down. So, when he said that I lost weight, I looked at my body. I then looked up and said, "It's my stomache, isn't it?" He looked at me sheepishly - and nodded. And did a quick exit. {{chuckling}}
And besides CM, you know I have to find something to b*tch about.... lol.... but I do encourage him to go play dominoes with his friends... she is like your mom.... always asking.... but I try to get her sidetracked and busy with something else to think about....
Book, now ask me if I am surprised you have not started that gratitude list....???
Ok, got off half a day and need to go do laundry..... hugs to everyone....
Talking about your care receivers, I couldn't help couldn't help compare with dad. He had a stroke, too. He keeps calling sis to do his every bidding. Recently, if he's left alone, he will keep calling out for someone. When I pop in to ask what he wants, nothing. I go back to the kitchen to continue my meal. He goes back to calling.
Sun rise changed position. 6:30 am and it's getting bright in here. No more late mornings pretending to be sleeping.
I don't know why I thought my siblings would be the exception. I had a rude awakening when mom died. Felt betrayed. Still do at times.
FYI, fave sis has finally put aside this Saturday as our day together. I wonder if fave niece spilled the beans. I told niece that when I visit her mom, we just stay at home. I don't want to stay home on my few days off. All well, we will have breakfast at a restaurant. I'd much rather eat lunch at a restaurant. I'm craving salt and pepper pork chops. And beef broccoli. And fried rice.
I've been craving fruits lately. No, not apple or oranges. But fruit salad - with a Variety of fruits. With nuts - like walnuts and almonds. I went to the grocery store after work. OMGoodness! A small container of strawberries and blueberries would cost me $13.00. That doesn't even include buying the red onion, lime, apple and the nuts (walnuts and almonds are about $8 each). So, that went out the window. Money-wise it's Not worth it - for maybe 2 salads. That would be one very expensive fruit salads! I've decided that it would be worth spending $7.00 on Wendy's Strawberry chicken salad. I can eat half with dinner and the other half for the next day's dinner.
Okay, next recipe. Let's try the healthy snack. I can make it, put it in the ziploc sandwich bag and take it to work to eat when I'm hungry. Rick Krispies cereal is $7.00! I haven't even bought the marshmallows, the peanut butter, butter (we don't have margarine or butter here. We use olive oil for our cooking), sesame seeds, oatmeal and peanuts! Sigh... That is also out the window.
I want to make Chicken Estufao in the weekend. I didn't even go to the frozen area to check how much a bag of chicken wings cost. A couple of years ago, a small bag of those chicken winglets cost about $10.00. I recall passing by one and was shocked how much it went up on the cost.
So, I bought what I could afford. 3 lemons and 1 clove of garlic. Now, what am I going to cook with those garlic? Sigh.. I don't know why I bought it. Maybe to remind me - every time I see it - that one day - I will cook real food and not worry about the cost. In the end, I bought my frozen dinner - Marie Calendar's 2 piece chicken with mashed potatoes and corn for $5.50. (Can you believe, in the mainland these froze dinners were only $2-some!!!! )
Price comparison... Revlon lipstick cost $10-some here on island. When I was in Virginia Beach, it was $5-some! I bought 4 to bring back home with me. My dad likes the Special K nutrient drink - which cost about $10.00 here. In mainland US Walmart - the same brand Special K was only $5-some! A large box of Boston Baked Candies - (well if I can find it here) would be close to $2.00. I mean just a small M&M candies is about $1.10. In the Mainland, a large box of Boston Baked Beans was $1.00. And they weren't skimpy with the box size! I bought - several. I can't find it here on island.
Try mincing the garlic raw (crush it with the flat of the knife and then cut very finely and adding the following, a chopped onion, cucumber also cut finely, some coriander fresh a little mint fresh or dried and a very small tomato, top with a little yogurt and eat with crackers (I am not sure your crackers and my crackers are the same - let me check - think they are they a thin sometimes plain sometimes slightly salty and very crispy - sometimes being a Brit makes life difficult) and perhaps a little cottage cheese?
Or you could take some celery carrot and cucumber sticks to work and dip them in hummus oh heavens do you call it hummus hang on yep you call it hummus but keep it chilled it can lead to listeria bacterial poisoning if you don't
Or if vegetables are cheap or you can get lentils why not make yourself a parka dhal - it is spicy and delicious - just google it for recipes and you can use that garlic in it too!
Or a vegetable casserole or bean cassoulet - what are you cheapest vegetables? I will sort you out some recipes
Last night, when I changed dad's pamper, he had poop on his lower belly, all over his front area, his side. He insisted that he did Not touch his poop. He's not stupid to touch his poop, you know. When I first untaped his pamper and opened it up, I started sneezing and sneezing - at least 3 times. Oh my! With my nose not working, I could Barely smell his poop. But, for me to sneeze like that - his poop must have smelled very bad, really awful! Thank goodness my nose doesn't work well. Otherwise I would be gagging. Not exaggerating. One time, for a few seconds, my nose completely cleared up and I could smell everything! And I smelled his poop, and my stomach started heaving and I started gagging. He also had poop on his wash cloth, the waterproof bed lining and the bedsheet. You know, I've been changing pampers for over 13 years. One would think I would be used to the grossness of poopy mess!