This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
However, if it is going to treat or cure something I might try that as long as there was no breaking out or threats of dying from anaphylactic shoke. What'cha doin?
I put lemon in my water often.
Then I woke up this morning, head and tummy felt awful. I kept burping a lot, and had to go to the bathroom twice. I think I ate like a pig because for the past 2 days, I behaved and ate 'healthy'. No frozen microwave dinners (salty) It's 9:30pm and my tummy is a bit sensitive.
I didn't remake the water/apple/cinnamon detox yesterday. So, I made a pitcher tonight. I won't drink any since my tummy is being sensitive. Tomorrow, I will try again.
The detox I researched is the kind that I can still eat. I'm just trying to lose my pregnant stomache. No, I'm not pregnant or gave birth. I'm just so embarrassed when someone asks me how many months am I. So, the detox I found - I can eat. Usually I'm suppose to drink it an hour before meal to help kill my appetite / cravings.
I like all your avatars.
You know who keeps confusing me? Every time I see Falcon's avatar - I think of Gonewiththewind.
Mum is a devout Christian so please for those of you who do believe I know she would appreciate your prayers...sadly for her I am not of the faith at all xxxx
When my mom was still alive, she was always (in my eyes) at death's door. My therapist kept encouraging me to go. I always worried, "What if mom dies while I'm on vacation?" Like you, I knew that it would affect my conscience- that I wasn't home when she died -but away enjoying my vacation. The really bad or sad part of my internal conflict? A part of me asked (in this internal dialogue) if I have to come home immediately if she dies. You see, air tickets are expensive ($2100.00) and I only have 2weeks to travel. A very expensive 2 weeks vacation. I even argued with myself that if my siblings want to come home immediately, they can. But I didn't want to. Why should I? I've been helping with mom for the past 23 years of my life. But then the conscience would argue what you have said - that I would not be able to handle the guilt for not being here.
Falcon, I go through this internal dialogue every time I travel far. You've been there for your mum. Your body and mental health obviously need some time away from the constant stress of caregiving. The guilt will always be there. This rare opportunity with your family is rare. You've done all you can for mum. You may not be of your mum's faith but you can still pray to God to give you the strength to go and to help you deal with the guilt. I have found that for most people, God is everything, everywhere... And these are people who are not in an organized religion. {{{Hugs}}}
I will be praying for you, your rest, and common sense to go without guilt.
I will be praying for Mum. As a devout christian, a loving mother would have taught / there is therefore, no condemnation, for those who are in christ jesus, as the song and verse goes. You will rest and figure it all out.
P.S. A Ca. diagnosis is no longer the immediate death sentence we all were scared about when we grew up. (There are cases). Your Mum is rallying.
A neighbor of 85 is still alive after moving away, into her son's home, and then with her daughter, now 89. There is no way to generalize or predict your Mum's lifespan. Please don't put your life on hold any longer. My jesus already died to set you free. Love you Jude, and so does everyone else!
Okay, I saw on FB someone used as a brunch a wheat bread with slices of avocados on top, one peach and 14 cherry tomatoes. (Remember how I bought those 2 very dinky avocados at $3.75 total?). I tried this lastnight as a snack. I cheated. I lightly salted my avocados. Oh, yummmm!!!! Who would have thought wheat bread can taste good?! (I very much prefer white bread.) Anyway, I felt bad eating the wheat bread. I've done research and wheat is one of those food that feeds endometriosis. I don't want anymore surgeries and I really should avoid wheat. It was delicious! =)
Uhm, I tried the peanut butter on banana. It takes getting used to. I don't know yet if I like this or not. I will need to eat more and see.
Sounds like you are struggling like me to just figure out what to eat and don't have extra pounds. Give your Dad the peanut butter sandwich with banannas when he gets up at 4 a.m. Know two elderly that ate that everyday into their 80's and 90's.
Think the one with parkinson's goes back to sleep til 7, but he gets up and makes it himself. Do you put bread, then butter, then peanut butter, then the bananna sliced the long way and thinly? Enjoy. I give up, that sounds good, no diet for me tonight. Have a good night!
Sue the transition from non-caregiver is THE most stressful time imaginable but you do learn how the transition affects you eventually so you don't cope brilliantly but you do cope better than that first time when the next transition and the one after that occurs.
Doctors don't seem to know the difference between carers and care-givers. I pulled our consultant's registrar on this for a reason. I truly believe and I may well start to campaign on this later (after my care-giving days are over whenever that may be) that carers and care-givers are two entirely different sets of people and need to be treated as such.
When I first came on here I noticed that the Americanism is care-givers but in the UK we call them all carers but you are all so right.
Carers get trained and paid to care and are held accountable for their work. If they didn't get paid they would find another job - for that is what it is .....a job.
Hands off care-givers are not paid or trained either but they manage and monitor the care of their SO or LO
Hands on care-givers are not trained do not get paid (in the UK at least) and are still accountable for their actions. Additionally, theirs tends not to be a job but a full on life style. They have to be judge and jury of the care - they control and monitor and anyone who thinks that is being a carer needs their head examining - it is SO much more and when you broker in the emotionally ties and the financial issues then NO I WILL NOT ALLOW DOCTORS TO CALL ME A CARER
Then there are those who manage to work and be care-givers as well and let me tell you I am in awe of you all for I just didn't have the strength (nor to be fair did Mum have the health) that would allow me to do both.
It is shameful that governments berate people for scrounging off the state yet do nothing to help people who give up their entire lives (or put them on hold for years and years) to give free care to a LO while other families opt to just dump them on the state and walk away from it all (you know it happens). Yes we are valued - they tell us so at every opportunity - but their actions don't show us - far from it. For the most part we are left unsupported untrained in even the most basic training of infection control and safe handling of meds - I have seen countless family members rubbing on prescribed creams without gloves - because they didn't know the risks.
I have asked numerous family carers what are the side effects of these meds - as in do you know what you are looking for if your LO has an adverse reaction? Answer ....erm no?
This is basic stuff yet no-one is trained - it is utter madness - rant over packing done passport found now all I near is my travel money.
Sendme, I'll respond on my laptop. Typing one-finger on iPad is hurting my bone (carpul tunnel).
So, I toast the wheat bread on the lowest setting, then cut thin slices of the avocado and just place it on top of the bread. Sprinkle a little of Morton Iodize salt (our body needs iodine). On the side is the cherry tomatoes and the baby carrots. I have discovered when I bite the bread with avocado and take also a bit of the tomato, the flavor of the avocado and cherry clashes and blends. I think the tomato's 'sourness' with the light salted avocado blended to a taste that I love.
I have this terrible way of eating food. If I go to a buffet or a menu plate is ordered, I must eat a bit of every single type of food into my mouth at one time. I just love to taste the different flavors while chewing the food. For example, most people eat their salads first. And then wait for the main menu to be served. I won't eat my salad. I wait until the main course comes. It's served - rice, variety of meat sources, etc... I then proceed to take a bite of the salad + the rice + Each meat + green beans (veggies served with the meat). I have a small mouth (per dentist - even gave me a children's toothbrush!). I've learned to put small amounts of each food in and chew - without my cheeks bulging out (like the cartoon squirrels do). I just love it when I have so many flavor food in my mouth while chewing it. Yum!!!
Okay... time to change dad's pamper, shower and then figure out my budget.