This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Tonight, after dinner, I went to wash my dishes. As I was washing, I felt as someone's One finger reached out and pressed against my back while moving downward. Again, I was thiniking roaches or lizards. And did the same 'shake-the-roach-off-my-body dance. Nothing! Yet, I swear both incidents were right at my center back.
I'm doing my d*rn best Not to think it's the bugaloos. I'm terrified of these spirits. I hope it's not them playing games on me. I don't know.... Torn between modern thinking and my native customs thinking.
If I google "Bugaloos" will I be scared?
Did you know that you can get photos for free on istock photo. Did you see the feet in the hot springs he put up for me just now? Reminds me how relaxing bathing can be. Is it you that has been changing avatar photos? I stock will help you.
Our home is in the lowest lying area. Water from all around us are coming to our land. So, once I'm done getting the flashlights ready, I will be going through all the rooms making sure that everything is off the floor (Depends, boxes of gloves, gauzes, my shoes and the luggages filled with my purses...my..4 boxes of unread books(!!!)... Okay, getting a headache just thinking what I need to do. Instead, I'm logging off and will just do one thing at a time. That is better than thinking the overall stuff I need to do - while oldest sis is in her room. Hmmmm.. is that resentment that I'm seeing? sigh..... Later.. headache is coming on. I think, as a reward after doing all this, that I DESERVE that can of Pepsi hiding in my fridge, tempting me daily. Yes, that is a good incentive to hurry! Later...
...My bedroom window! I forgot to slant the upper window panes! I might as well get up and hope that my stack of books on the dresser is not wet. (I purposely put the 4-drawer dresser against the only permanently unshuttered window in my bedroom. If a fire, open the drawers to climb up to reach the window, remove the lower panes and jump out.) Room is fine, not wet.
..6am. Oldest sis goes to the restroom. (I think she goes to pee way too often to be normal.) I need to go. Bathroom floor is wet. Reader's digest on tank is soaking wet. Seat cover is down. Toilet seat is wet. I forgot to close the bathroom window. Why didn't sis close it? Why didn't she put the tissues on the tank to a dryer spot? Why didn't she wipe the toilet seat? I closed the window and wiped the seat.
...laid down. Cellphone1 status message alert went off. Hmmm. I texted fave sis lastnight at 11:40pm and it just now pinged?
...laid back down. Cellphone2 wakeup alarm went off. I thought I turned the alarm off since this is a Sunday. Got up and walked to my purse.
... on the way back to the sofabed, I see dad's hand inside his front pants. I said, "dad, uh-uh" He quickly withdraws his hand.
...laid back down. And a neighbor's car alarm just went off. My nephew's car.
... 6:25am. All these things conspiring against me trying to sleep in a little late. =(
Ramiller, if all else fails after urgent care, then try the ER. I had spent years telling my GP of no longer being able to handle my PMS pain. Because we were poor, I learned in my teens to handle pain without meds. I would only take Midol when I'm at work and couldn't concentrate. But one day, that changed. I was taking Midol all the time. And the pain changed for the worse. In my medical record, the doc wrote that I described the pain "as if there's a bowling ball inside" pressing down. Because the doc knew that I hated taking pills, she would tell me that there's nothing wrong with taking pills for your pain. Finally, I walked into the clinic in such severe pain, I was walking like an old lady (bent over and shuffling.) The front desk was so concerned, he offered to get me a wheelchair. I refused. That's when an xray was ordered. It was a battle for my GP to get an ultrasound approved from my insurance. There's a lump. She wanted to do more tests but this time the insurance denied it. Weeks go by due to red tape. One Saturday, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the ER.
When the ER doc asked me what I was in here for, I told him all this. He said in exasperation, "the next time your insurance denies tests, just come to the emergency room. We will order all these tests." (My insurance won't cover ER visits unless I'm in the middle of a life threatening event. They even gave examples.)
So, if your arm's pain gets really bad, and if it's affordable, go to the ER as your last ditch plan. I do hope that urgent care will be helpful.
FYI, my SIL (sis-in-law), the very, very few times she helped me with mom (as in hold mom in place while I do the cleaning), she would be gagging so hard. She never got used to it.
We are having a heatwave, there were also alerts coming in and calls to seniors for where to go (a cooling shelter) in case your a/c breaks down.
I have heard that this winter there is expected to be El Nino plus a blob? It is getting difficult for me to believe these reports, since it only rains once for every ten reports of rain. We did have thunderstorms this summer!! So happy you are safe.
Take care and keep cool. : )
One of the writers of Obamacare, Jonathan Gruber was secretly recorded saying, “Lack of transparency is a huge political advantage. And basically, call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically, that was really, really critical to get this thing to pass.” In another 2013 appearance, Mr. Gruber declared that one provision of Obamacare was included because “the American people are too stupid to understand the difference.”
.... So, this means everyone, including the president knew about this - that you won't be able to keep your doctor, etc... I also understand that when Congress passed it - most of them didn't even read it!
Glad - I understand that it will go up higher next year. And that most people cannot even use Obamacare because their deductions is so high - that the only way to qualify for it - is if you had a major car accident. $10,000 deductible!!!! That's so ridiculous! Anyway, the ones who got hit the worst with Obamacare - is the middle income families.
I also understand that those using Obamacare must also file a tax return on it. Do some kind of calculation. And if you're off - you will have to pay the government! Gee whiz!
For it to be this watery, he had too much chocolate milk. It shouldn't be - because he had normal BM this morning. I bought 6 small boxes on Saturday. I looked down at his trashcan. One small box of chocolate milk in it. I emptied both of his trashcans this morning - so that means gave him choc.milk. I then counted how many unopened choc. milk we have. Two. That means, today, sis gave him 2 chocolate milk! We have talked about this previously. She found out - when i was on vacation - that chocolate milk makes dad poopy mess. She TOLD this to me. And yet, she didn't care and gave him 2 today. Obviously, since she didn't have to clean it up, she caved in to his demands. Well... he made a mess on his pants, washable liner, chair pad, wash rags and blanket. Sis will have to deal with that messy laundry. And I'm going to have to hide the rest of the chocolate milk. He's not getting anymore.
But this is the part that made my eyes get black..... they want me to come put her to bed Fri, Sat and Sun nights..... first of all, H is very capable of doing this.... he gets up with her during the night, what is the difference..... in my opinion they are slowly just stomping his self esteem into the dirt...... making him feel that he is not capable..... like three old mother hens, pecking at him until he looks like my old chicken avitar.....
So I agreed to put her to bed for those nights.... without pay, told him that is the only way I will agree to do it... first of all, he has been very good to me pay wise, paying me for 50 hrs when I didnt always work all those hours.... the main one being, if I do it because I WANT to , and it is not part of my job, I don't feel the resentment I was starting to feel when being asked about it.... if that makes sense.... some may feel I am being stupid ( or Dumber, eh Hope !!) for not charging.... but this feels right to me..... and for me....
As the daughter was explaining why she wanted it done this way, saying that , they all had things to do on the weekends,,,, well, uh, what do you think my life consists of... waiting by the phone to go caregive????? So we will see how this works out... he teared up when I said I wouldn't take any money for doing this.... he is a really good man..... and has been very good to me.... the rest of them... don't give them much thought one way or the other...they just make a lot of noise that is always about change and fear..... my brain doesn't work like that, tho I am flexible as far as change goes.... but they all just dwell on all the 'what if's..", it just makes me tired....
So that is my little rant for the day... am off the rest of the day because J has a Dr''s appt..... no problem... have lots to do here in my messy little house....
Hope everyone has something good or funny happen today..... sending hugs across the miles...
Mica, I don't know if I ever had panic attacks. I'm sure I did but I just couldn't distinguish it with my regular fears of everything. I most likely brushed my fears - as fears of the very timid.
I think what I am trying to say, that after practice, it helps us to have a better state of mind.... not always, not every single moment of every day.... some days that gratitude goes out the window..... and everyone within hearing distance knows I have let someone push me too far.....
For me, it is about not always focusing on everything that is wrong with me, the people around me, my circumstances, but gives me something more positive to focus on..... if even for a few seconds....