This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It's a very fascinating photo. One time I was looking at it, and I thought she's an ancient native American indian. Then another time, I thought she looks like one of those ancient ladies in the high country of South America (?). Today, as I was looking at it, I decided she looks like an ancient lady from Asia - like Mongolia? China?
By the way, I love to read your stories of your caregiving. I have learned a lot from you just from reading your experiences. It also helps me to see the paid caregiver's point of view. When I was going to release the paid caregiver on Saturdays, she offered to work the same hours with less pay. Unfortunately, older bro (of the states) stopped paying for her services. So, I had to let her go.
Thanks for more tips on gratefulness. I don't have to write it down. Just get into the habit of being grateful, or finding something that is so pretty is just as good. Thanks!
Today, he was lecturing me on and on. I used to keep my mouth shut and let him just go on. But today, I'm just so tired. I answered back, defended myself. He shrugs it off. (It's a do as I say and not as I do kind of speech.) While he was lecturing me, I felt my eyes watering. I told myself sternly over and over, "Do NOT cry! Do NOT cry!" When he was done, I looked down and willed my tears to stop. Depressions sucks. I don't have my armor firmly in place. Feelings hurt easily. Angry so easily. That is my day.
FYI, Ladee, I went to the salon today. Usually I ask for a 1inch trim. Today, when the salonist asked 1 inch trim? I said no. I want my hair cut just above my shoulders. She paused. Then started cutting it. I needed a change. Hair is not as short as I wanted, but it's fine. I need to find a salonist who knows how to cut short hair - and still make me look feminine and not like my brothers!
In the movie, 'What About Bob?", his therapist wrote a book and gave him one, then, the phrase baby steps, just take baby steps was added to cliches that were attempts to encourage others.
Guessing you need a hug. (I really hate it when cliches make me really mad).
Hoping you are feeling better soon.
When , as an adult, you look at your experiences of childhood, you fo so with the mind, ego and where we ithsl of an adult. So it's a very different experience. Also, if uou are with a therapist who makes you feel safe, you can be more willing to walk down that path.
During therapy, I was becoming upset about something - memories trying to show its head. I didn't want to remember it. And that's when she told me that any therapy will start to reveal hidden memories. I just cannot handle the past and my present, my job, my dad, etc... So, I quit. I'm just not ready want to face my past. I tried it twice - with 2 different therapist. I've learned that if I have no interest in changing, then I really shouldn't seek therapy.
But here is the bottom line about therapy or any kind of outside help.... we have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired of our life the way it is..... our lives are , to some degree, simply our attitude , our own perception, and on and on..... so, no one can say when or where or how we need to change things,,, it has to come from us.... that is our starting point..... we either accept our life and thoughts the way they are, or we seek out a way to change it..... and I know you.... if you have 'too many choices' you just get overwhelmed and forget about it.... lol.... nothing wrong with that, that is just how you learned to cope as a child..... all I know for sure, is, I love you just the way you are..... hugs across the miles to you today....
Uhm, you have any plans to changing her back on? I'd like to see what other impressions I receive every time I see her face. Her face should be used in one of those college courses - whether it's social science or art class or theater. I think the photographer has a great eye on his subjects.
Not that I don't like your current cat that is looking at that d*rn ladybug who had the nerve to land on her nose!!!!
PS.. Thanks, Ladee (about therapy.) I blinked when you mentioned 'too many choices' and my tendency to forget about it. Am I that obvious? =)
That photo reminds me of the Sequioa National Forest and the rings on the trees they exhibit. I haven't been there in decades, since I was a child, but those trees were thousands of years old then. Some predate Christ. It is a comfort and a reminder to think about things, whatever your religion.
This big world will keep spinning in spite of us and life will go on. Those of us, probably most of us, that have experienced a painful loss know hard it is to do that. To hang on for the ride even though we're dizzy. Sometimes it seems easier to let the ride just spin us off and let go.
My little 80 pound momma, is okay for now. She's just sleeping so much now, but is good when we take her out. She made reference yesterday that her face powder will outlive her. It didn't help that I had to get into our safe for documents we needed and I found her letters to me from years ago.
Reading 20 year old letters to me made me cry. It's so different now.
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II made me realize how close we we were and how so much has changed or has been.