This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
They always say that you shouldn't make any major financial, real estate or lifestyle changes in the fist 6 months after losing a spouse. Please think about that.
Regarding my measly retirement Simple IRA fund, I just view it as money I don't have. This way, if the market crashes, I won't be too angry. It's really measly...My one year income exceeds what's in my IRA. And my yearly income is very very small. Think 'mom & pop' store income. It was an ideal job when I was able to travel before - as business expense. Now, with money tight and mom became too difficult for dad -- no more travelling. Too bad. Boss would send me to Hong Kong, Bali, London, etc.. so that I would experience what it's like to travel, the plane's configuration, how to do transits between flights, hotels something we would recommend, etc.. At the time, this was a Perfect job. Now, in my middle age, it's not... not making enough for a decent social security income.
Don't you get penalize for cashing it in early? And pay a large tax amount to the gov't? FYI, you don't want to bury the money. My dad's father did that. He died and no one knows where he hid it. You don't want to hide the money in your house. What if there's a flooding or a fire? All that money gone.
The doctor we have is amazing and I love him to pieces but in fairness he said he was staggered by my knowledge - all thanks to you guys - and that I bothered to look things up I didn't understand and that I do it alone without the help (Hmm help? not so sure they help!) of social services. he is really pleased with Mum's progress and said he would like her to be reassessed in 6 months - he thinks that the meds she was on were interfering with the donepezil to some extent and that is why we are seeing so much progress. God I love that man and I so wish I could tell you his name but of course I won't. But boy does he deserve praise
That's great news Falcon. Those meds!
Yes it takes time to adjust. I still miss him awful. But, I will make it. He is "Saving me a Place. Have you heard that song? Save a place for me? It is beautiful. Go to Utube and find it and listen. If you have lost a husband, partner or someone you love very much, this is your song.
Prayers, notes and hugs to Veronica, she is quite ill appendix rupture and now sepsis
Thank you Ladee for keeping us all together in community for our friend by posting updates!