This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
You get some rest, well-deserved. How are you doing?
Good night CM and golden. Did anyone else change their screen name and avatar?
Still praying today too.
So hopefully she heard me, and also the issue with too many people telling me what to do.... being pulled in too many ways.... and my primary concern is for H and J....can say this tho... having been thru too much in my years of caregiving, and will not bitch and complain about this situation like I have done in the past.... I will simply quit and deal with the guilt later.....that is what keeps me in situations way past my endurance, is getting attached to one of them..... so going to have to put my big granny panties on and follow thru if there are no changes......Just too old and burned out for chaos all the time....
Thanks for letting me share.... it feels so different here on AC than it did when I stopped posting about a year ago....
I feel a closeness and friendship, and honest support, that was not here then... and laughter.. so many of you have such a great sense of humor... and that gets us a long way on some days..... glad to be back... hugs across the miles and chocolate if you can get some..
You and your husband are missing out on things as a couple and parents by your husband being so absorbed in his dad's care. Are there not other options for your FIL's care? It appears to me that your husband is putting honoring his dad ahead of honoring his marriage and being an involved dad himself. This is not an infrequent theme, but that does not make it right.
The other day, I gave a wife who had been overly involved with her mom and was detaching some advice about going out on a date with her husband and do romantic couple things that would just fully engage her and her husband in the fun of just going out as a couple.
I think we can get so stuck in the serious things of adult responsibilities that we loose the fun of being alive as a couple which is re-energizing.
Your constant head pressure from that car accident needs to be looked into by a neurologist. Please take care of yourself and call to make an appointment in the morning.
I further think that once addressing this head pressure problem, that you and your husband talk about his dad's care, how the current situation is impacting your marriage as well as your young child, and ask for ideas for change which is needed now.
Let us know how things go.
Love, prayers and hugs!
I see that an answer has been posted on the thread, "What do I do about VA Aid benefits if mom go to rehab" Is that the one you are referring to?