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Ladee, you are doing a good thing. Thanks for updating everyone about Veronica.
You get some rest, well-deserved. How are you doing?
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Prayers for Veronica...
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What???? Nooooooo…!!!! Ladee M please send hugs and prayers to Veronica when you reply to her husband - he can tell her we really can't do without her.
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Veronica, we're all thinking of you, worried for you. Know that you mean so much to us. Just as you've been there for us, we're now there for you. Prayers to you. HUGS!!!!'
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Bookluvr, that is exactly right, we are here for Veronica, and hugs to you too, tonight.
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Goodnight bookluvr, luckylu, falcon, gershen, garden artist, jessebelle, ladee, stacey, hope, jeanette, jeannegibbs, igloo, windyridge, and Veronica. And everyone else, too. Could never remember everyone like countrymouse does.
Good night CM and golden. Did anyone else change their screen name and avatar?
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Mom fell Saturday morning, so now life takes another huge detour on our journey. She did not break anything thankfully but she put a deep gash in her knee had to have 12 stitches and will now have to go to rehab for awhile as she will need two or three people to help her 24/7 My brother was here to spend time with her and spent most of the time in er. Not sure how things are going to play out, nervous, frustrated, anxious, tired, not sure how i feel right now, just numb i guess. Take care all. Ruth Anne
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Ruth Ann, so sorry to hear of latest setback..... and feeling all of the above and numb, that's normal..... at least you are going to get a small break, and I do not mean that in an ugly way, yes, you will have to advocate for her in rehab.... but you can also get some rest... regroup.....she will be ok, very happy no broken bones...... keep us updated and please try to get some rest..... hugs across the miles.
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Thanks ladee1 I appreciate your kindness.
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Sorry ya'll, no new updates on Victoria.... I have to believe no news is good news..... but soon as I hear something will post it right away...... hugs to you all.
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My husband is main caregiver to his dad, me falling into immediate second. MY FIL was doing pretty good, then last week his back starts hurting. Just when we had him doing a little on his on. He is 82 and wants to live to 91. My husband and I are tired, feel like we are missing out on things as a couple and parents to our 3 year old. I hope things improve. I am still plagued by constant head pressure for about 18 months from a car accident, and it sure doesn't help the moods around here, but I manage. Worried about my husband.
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RuthAnn, so sorry your mom fell. Please do not spend even one moment of your time questioning yourself or having guilt. One could be walking holding on to the patient and they could fall. Are you okay? So glad you had your brother to help.
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Crowded, time to take care of your own medical concerns first. Do you have medical access for yourself, and for FIL's back? Get yourself in a healing environment, do you have a family member to stay with overnight, just so you can start to think this through? You have heard of 'respite' for caregivers?
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Ladee posts on previous page concerning V e r o n i c a's illness.
Still praying today too.
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I took an opportunity to tell the daughter that I am being taken advantage of and hopefully they will get someone PRN.....I had a major meltdown Fri evening.... did not share about it here, as history with that has not been good, no one wants to think a paid caregiver has their own moments...... so try to share positive outcomes......
So hopefully she heard me, and also the issue with too many people telling me what to do.... being pulled in too many ways.... and my primary concern is for H and J....can say this tho... having been thru too much in my years of caregiving, and will not bitch and complain about this situation like I have done in the past.... I will simply quit and deal with the guilt later.....that is what keeps me in situations way past my endurance, is getting attached to one of them..... so going to have to put my big granny panties on and follow thru if there are no changes......Just too old and burned out for chaos all the time....
Thanks for letting me share.... it feels so different here on AC than it did when I stopped posting about a year ago....
I feel a closeness and friendship, and honest support, that was not here then... and laughter.. so many of you have such a great sense of humor... and that gets us a long way on some days..... glad to be back... hugs across the miles and chocolate if you can get some..
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Sendme2help, Thank you for your kind words. My sister and I have been trying to care for her at home. We had a pretty good system worked out. She needs 24/7 supervision first 9 years she lived with me last 4 years she has been with sis. Not all those years were intense, but the last year has been. The crazy thing is she was sitting on her bed and just fell off. Went down on her knee and gashed it open. So after 12 stitches she cant move it much. Cant bring her home like this as now it takes 2 or more people to handle her. So off to rehab again. I just feel so bad for her shes been through so much this last year. But i know thats the nature of the game. Just wish like so many others that things were different. Thanks all for your support.
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Ladee1, I personally can tell you from experience that paid or family, caregivers experience many of the same emotions. I do both, care for mom and clients. If you are with a family for sometime they can begin to take advantage of you, so do what you need to do. I know how attached you become to clients, i always do. I'm glad you are sharing here. Caregivers of all kinds deserve support!
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Thank you so much Ruth Ann, made me feel so good to read your words..... guess I just hesitate to share the rough days, as I have not always felt supported after I do.... but ,yes, we do have the same feelings.... one thing I am very aware of, is, I bring my own family dynamics in the door and sometimes have to work very hard for lines to not get blurred....especially if I am extra tired, or really in a lot of physical pain that day.... None of the people here now have ever even hinted that I was not supported... an awesome bunch of friends I have here on AC.... just feel uncomfortable sharing the really hard parts, as there is a distinciton between home care and paid care.... but no matter.. I truly appreciate your supportive words and can not believe you do both.... I can barley do my job and come home to a quite house..... Kudos to you RA...... extra prayers for an extra load .
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I asked a qiestion about VA benefits on the VA forum. If anyone has time to check it out i could use any input. Thanks all.
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A caregiver is as a caregiver does. Love you all!
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crowded,

You and your husband are missing out on things as a couple and parents by your husband being so absorbed in his dad's care. Are there not other options for your FIL's care? It appears to me that your husband is putting honoring his dad ahead of honoring his marriage and being an involved dad himself. This is not an infrequent theme, but that does not make it right.

The other day, I gave a wife who had been overly involved with her mom and was detaching some advice about going out on a date with her husband and do romantic couple things that would just fully engage her and her husband in the fun of just going out as a couple.

I think we can get so stuck in the serious things of adult responsibilities that we loose the fun of being alive as a couple which is re-energizing.

Your constant head pressure from that car accident needs to be looked into by a neurologist. Please take care of yourself and call to make an appointment in the morning.

I further think that once addressing this head pressure problem, that you and your husband talk about his dad's care, how the current situation is impacting your marriage as well as your young child, and ask for ideas for change which is needed now.

Let us know how things go.

Love, prayers and hugs!
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ramiller,

I see that an answer has been posted on the thread, "What do I do about VA Aid benefits if mom go to rehab" Is that the one you are referring to?
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I read all the stories here as i prepare to take care of mom, 86, who has mild/moderate ALZ. My only remaining sibling has cancer and has had 2 strokes, so its just me. I pray for strength, as much as all of you on here have. Mom gets along ok now with me assisting with all finances, appts, shopping, etc. But i know that the next 6 months will find me in a different level of care for her. I see what you all go through, paid or not, and i respect you all for the love, care, and strength you show daily. There is a special place in heaven for your sacrifices done in the name of love and compassion. I do wish that each of you time for yourselves and family...and pray that some day the laws change so that there is more help for us that doesnt put our lived ones and us in the poor house while we try to care for our loved ones, mostly on our own. You are all an inspiration to me...even in your bad days!! Please never doubt the support and appreciation you have from those folks like me who know your sacrifices and welcome the insight into what will also become my world soon enough.
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V E R O N I C A , We are missing you while you are ill and in the hospital. Sincerely hoping and praying that recovery for your appendecitis with sepsis will be rapid, and you will soon be able to return home with your husband. We thank your husband for notifying us of your illness, and thanking Ladee for keeping everyone updated. Your husband and you are in our prayers. I am trusting God concerning you. Be well soon. You are missed by your friends here.
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Today is an easy day. Tomorrow is gonna be busy.
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The start of a new week is always challenging. I am looking forward to dealing with my health concerns and not the parents. Going to make a special effort to look after me this week!
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Ladee, some people here, I think, sometimes look for an opportunity to criticize and help us feel even more guilty than we do already. This is a very difficult job and until one does it, day to day,paid or not will never understand. I am sure others in non-caregiving jobs have their rough days too. Hearing about yours is supportive to others. It is difficult whether you do it eight, ten, twelve, or 24 hours a day many of the issues are the same.
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Yes that is my question. Any replies would be appreciated. Thanks all!
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Sherylbeth, the journey you enbark on is a well traveled road with many people to help show you the way. Always remember focus on the day, don't look forward don't look back this will help you through. Many great people here will give you the support you may not have at home. Share as often as you like. I also blog about my experiences( when I have time) that seems to help me. It takes a village, lets us be your village. Best to you and those you care for. Ruth Anne
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Jazzyfox, glad to hear you are taking care of you! My sister and I joked last night that mom will out live us ( shes 91) and doc said her lab work was perfect he couldn't believe it. Well I said when so many people are focusing on one persons health they are in better health than we are. We all must remember our own health is important too! I hope to take my own advice soon. Have a happy week all summer is almost over, soak in a bit of sun before its gone.
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