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Thanks Glad, I think I was having a 'knee jerk' moment..... because one comment sticks in my head to this day.... ' At least you get to go home', and at the time, I was also taking care of a grown son who had had a terrible car accident.... many broken bones, almost lost his leg. So ya, I got to go home,or to his home. I was fortunate to be working for a family close by and was able to run to his home and help him use the bathroom, get him some lunch, ect... he was in bed for a long time.....
I did understand intellectually why the person said what they did....she was tired and NEVER got a break.... so I think i just tried to be more sensitive to those that are doing this 24/7. Ya, the feelings are the same.....but I also have limitations..... I can not slam a door because I want this person to just stop whining for a few minutes.....I can not get irritated, and let that be heard in my voice....and then trying to juggle all the yammering family, that have different ideas and ways of going about things.....One lady wanted a 'servant'... uh, excuse me.... not my job description....
Maybe I just add all this extra stress on myself... but my name and caregiving reputation is what makes my living..... I have excellent references..... and this is a small town.... one lady I have worked with in the past, another caregiver, called the police on one of her clients, accusing abuse..... only because she was angry..... that woman will never work again, not in this town anyway.....so it's different, yet the same..... I don't always know how to share I guess.... I am very vocal, and straightforward....and I am passionate about elders receiving good care.....I apparently have trouble taking my job seriously, but not taking myself so seriously...if that makes sense..... Thank God I have a sense of humor tho and can laugh at myself..... after the fact!!! Not during !!! lol...
So I appreciate the support, and none of those people who gave me such a hard time are here anymore..... and being PAID and on this site was a struggle....so I got a lot of negative messages about sharing what was my JOB.... that I was TRAINED, well, uh, I have never been TRAINED to not be human......
Thank you Glad, for providing a safe place for me to share some things that have been bothering me for a very long time..... maybe I won't be so reluctant to share the bad times....Tho I do like to share the positive outcome also.... I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.....
Mercy, what a can of worms I upended.... thanks for all of you who support a PAID caregiver , and realize that I am human first, then a caregiver..... feels good to be back.... hugs across the miles to all of you...
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Ladee, there are a few here that have gotten terribly nasty with many, a few that started to try with me. If I ignore it, they will go away. I think sometimes that we take out our frustrations on each other when we are over the top stressed. We all work with the stress of caregiving one way or the other. And I will tell you, I certainly would not have cared for my mom and L for four years if I was sensitive to criticism, vindictiveness, you name it, from my own twisted sisters. This experience has made me stronger than the two of them together. They tried to fight me for so long, and I eventually won, was able to get most of what I wanted, the sibs look like idiots just a bit more each day. You would think they would realize it. But, those darn narcissists, it is all about them, what they do right, and what everybody else does wrong. I do not know if I had been able to do the four years without the support of many excellent caregivers, regardless of their daily tasks or hours, and there are many, many of them.
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V E R O N I C A G E T W E L L S O O N ! ! !
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LadeeM, whoever said 'at least you get to go home' kind of missed the point that every single day you have to force yourself to go to work, too. How many of us wouldn't, on a given day, just run like the wind..?

Any news on V? Have I missed an update thread? Hugs and thanks to you x
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CM, no , I think we all pretty much would like to be doing something else...but there always has to be a few who are so miserable they want everyone else to feel the same way... it all works out in the end.....and there are some awesome folks on her now.... love the atmosphere here now....
No news on V, wrote to her last night via her husbands email... have been doing that everyday, guess we have to look at it like no news is good news... I do know because of her caloric and protein deficit, that is why she was unable to swallow...that is why they did the feeding tube, .she will have a long rehab.... if you want to send her a note, I will PM you my email address, her husband wants it this way..... he is reading them to her.... so just let me know....
So ya, running like the wind sounds sooooo good..... deep sigh... so catch ya later after I go do my good deeds for the day, remember, I get to come home at the end of the day !!!! lol....
Love, hugs, angels and chocolate..... be good to yourself today...
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Crowded, your FIL is only 82 years old? And you have a 3 year old? As the years go by, FIL will get worse healthwise, and your 3 year-old will be growing up. Have you all checked in your area for respite services? Someone who can come to your home and be with FIL so that you/hubby can go out? How about strongly encouraging FIL to attend adult daycare (which costs money.)? I’d also do a follow-up visit with your doctor about your head pressures. Don’t keep putting it off. You really don’t want to wait until whatever it is – causes you seizures or black outs. As for me, I would find it scary – and keep putting off seeing the doctor. But, I’m not married nor do I have kids. So, no real incentive to go to the doctor. At least you can find out why the head pressures. Right?

Jillybean, I hope you took advantage of today being easy. Recoup for tomorrow, when it’s busy.

Jazzy, that’s a good goal – to put some time for our health. I tend to do mine all in 1 week. Set up all these appointments – dental, medical (like mammo), and don’t forget my car’s maintenance.

SherylBeth, when I first found this site, about 3 years ago, I was reading all over the site – even on subjects that doesn’t deal with my situation. But as I read all over, I learned what to expect in the future, what some posters did and did not do. I took all kinds of notes and saved in file – with the weblink for easy finding. After 2 years of reading people’s advice of Document, Document, Document – I finally started doing that last year. Thank Goodness I did that! Dad is beginning to accuse me of stealing his money. I have all the receipts.

Hi RuthAnn!
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Ladee, I remember the time I hired a paid caregiver for Saturdays. When I come home tired, she had mopped the livingroom, fed dad real food (not just the nutrient drink) and changed his pamper. There was that one time, I was soooo grateful for her, I wanted to hug her. I still envy you Paid Caregivers. It would be soooo nice to go home and just destress from it all. Of course, just like my current job, I would dread every morning to go back to doing caregiving. Even in my fantasies, I dread going to my caregiving 9-5 job (work for the gov’t caregiver). That’s how I know that I just cannot do caregiving at all – as an occupation. But, I can also see first hand how my dad verbally mistreats them, and they just continue to smile as if it’s nothing. They continue to cajole him to do what they want. I soooo do not have the patience for that! Yeah, you’re right. I would have to be a very good actress to do your paid job!!!

Today, at work, I was so not feeling well. Lethargic. Front face feels like it has a fever, yet when I touch it, it’s very very slight. I just didn’t feel good at all. Still don’t. But just in case I’m getting sick, I stopped by the grocery store and bought some chicken vegetable soup (can’t stand the chicken noodle soup) and some OJ. I drank that OJ as if I was dying of thirst. I’m getting sick. You see, I don’t like OJ. At all. The only time I can drink it – is when I’m sick. And then when I do drink it while sick, it is so very delicious! When I’m healthy, I drink it, and I’m showing faces of distaste. I’m so tired. I have to change dad’s pamper now.
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Book, you need to get some EmergenC. I swear by the stuff, if you take too much it will cause diarrhea. I did that the first time I took it, but sure knocked the cold out of me! When I get sick, it tends to take at least a couple of weeks to start feeling well again. With EmergenC, only a few days. Thought I felt something coming on yesterday, no EmergenC, I think it was exhaustion from helping both daughters with moves over the weekend. I am not feeling at all sick this morning. Thank goodness!
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Glad, you made it to be with your daughters! Good for you, not allowing 'stuff' and T-1 & T-2 stop you. You are seeming to do so well in spite of challenges.
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Yes, Send, though I am feeling it a bit, especially in my legs. Though I did not do much of the heavy lifting. The worst part of both moves was that SIL put a gallon bottle of liquid laundry detergent in a box upside down? Who would do that? Well, it got on many things! I sat on my butt and washed and rinsed things that got detergent on them. I was a sticky mess by the time we were finished.
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I bought a bottle of EsterC (?) before my trip. I was desperately finding ways to immunize my body before flying. I always have to be careful when taking pills or food. I think this long term caregiving and full time tense job- constant stress daily for over 20 years- had finally affected my immune system. I'm just barely under age 50 and I'm allergic to more and more things. (Thank goodness Excedrin isn't one of it!). Well, stress and having had severe endometriosis for years. Anyway, because I don't know how I would react to pills, I started off with 1 EsterC daily. Every night my ears will be screaming this high pitch noise. I ignored it. A few days later, teeny tiny rashes on lips. Okay, time to stop. Lastnight, my eyes landed on the EsterC several times. No, I will stick to chicken soup and OJ. Thanks for the tip though. Last night, all I could think of is that this Saturday is my turn to work.

I woke up this morning with the alarm screaming. Tried to ignore it. I looked at the time. 6:29am! I slept through 2 alarms. I'm soooo tired. Well, typing one finger is long. Now, it's 6:54 am! Time to get up.
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Update on Veronica, via her husband

I am going to write a general update for everyone. I am so busy and stressed out that I just can't get everything done, pay all the bills, travel 140 miles round trip and help a tenant who has been unjustly charged with assault by a sociopathic woman who actually assaulted her first. So far the Public Defender looks useless, as is the norm around here. Tell Book she can call me Mike if she wishes, or even Dr. Mike if she wants to be very formal!

Veronica has been on the mend for the last 2-3 days, but I think she has developed pleurisy, which usually means some form of pneumonia underneath. It may just stay localized but I have to check if they did a sputum culture. The chest X-ray they just did will tell us much more.

She feels like she could try swallowing again, which is a very good sign. It means that she is regaining a little muscular strength. The Docs are making sure she does not have some generalized neurological or muscle disorder. I think the consensus at the moment is that she has severe malnutrition. They are feeding her well IV. They plan to insert a J- tube in a couple of hours under a general anesthetic. This will allow them to start feeding her via the intestine as well as the TPN.

Apart from the pleuritic pain, her spirits are on the up and up. I have been reading messages to her as they come through, but I think I'll do it again in a day or two when she is feeling better.

My main worry now is that they will postpone the J-tube due to a chest infection.

I would just like to add that it has been wonderful of you all to provide such abundant care, love and support. I appreciate that too.

I will update you all as things progress and as I get a chance.
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Just copied and pasted his email, easier that way.... so sounds as tho she is on the mend, the stuff going on with her lungs can be treated.... so it is sounding better every day..... he is reading to her as he said..... thank you all for loving one of our own back to wellness..... love and hugs to you all.....
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Hooray, Veronica! Keep getting better!
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Hope your health continues to improve Veronica!
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Poor sleep last night as I was overtired and probably coming down from stress levels from dads visitors yesterday. Stopped in this morning he thought we were going somewhere? But sad to say he did not remember all his guests yesterday.
I have photos on my iPad and phone to show him and get copies made.
Today I did not accomplish much but had a late afternoon nap which certainly helped.
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Thank GOD her spirits are up. Veronica, you are such a blessing to us. You have helped me so many times, you were the first one to reach out to me. Love & Prayers!
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Answered prayers for our dear Veronica, still quite a ways to go. We are all pulling for you, get well!
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Prayers for your complete recovery real soon!!!
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Sorry I left Veronica's name off.
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THE CAREGIVER......HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?
Thank You Jam for this beautiful piece, so very well scripted...it really hit the
spot with Me, and I'm sure with all Carer's.
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Thanks, Ladee for the update. I'm so glad that Veronica is a bit better and that the docs and hubby are doing their best for her. As for the tenant, I feel so bad for her. I've always hated it when the bad guys go and do that - turn the table around and then report it to the police (TV shows.) I so hope that somehow, it can be proven that it was the accuser who is the instigator.

57twin, maybe tonight's sleep will be better. I've always hated it when I feel soooo tired that I'm looking forward to sleeping. Then when I'm lying in bed, I cannot sleep! I just keep tossing and turning. I rarely have this - since mom passed away. It was just 1 less major stress for me to deal with (both bedridden parents with mom needing the most 24/7 care or else she can choke on her own saliva) and fulltime job. But I sure remember how upset I was when I couldn't sleep despite being so tired!

Coulditbeme, Hi!!!!

Johnjoe - Yeah, Jam's words really hit home, doesn't it?
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I bought this ebook that I forgot I bought. 2 nights ago, I was scrolling through the ebooks that I haven't read. Aha! I found the latest series of a mystery book. Since I started reading it, I just want to read it non-stop. I just love this author - and her other series. I wanted to read a few pages lastnight but I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Must have been really exhausted because I slept through 2 wake-up alarms. I think I better turn on my cell phone to be a backup - in case I sleep through my regular 3 alarms (low noise). The cell phone alarm will be one of those bold noise which there's no way I can ignore it.

Sneezing at work... Both bosses will be off-island this Friday, and back in the office on Wednesday. I work this Saturday. Since Monday is a holiday, oldest sis is off. I'm stuck at home watching dad. Not much of a weekend....
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I took the time yesterday to see what it is about J that irritates me so.... I have no respect for her.... and as I always share, I take my own family dynamics into each job... she reminds me of my dad.... who I absolutely had no respect for....

She will never walk again, much less unassisted.... she won't be able to talk clearly and be understood, part of that I hold the family accountable for... they do not do the necessary things to keep her active and refuse to set in on a Speech Therapy session.... her and I communicate good, but I do everything that i was taught to do.... she gets aggravated, only trying to help.... but most of you know that feeling, I'm sure...

She didn't want to walk on her walker yesterday... fine... she didn't want a shower, fine, until her hubby stepped in and actually took my side for a change, told her she needed to do some things according to my schedule as I don't have time to bathe her at her convenience....I think PT is a waste of time,personally....she is the center of attention when the PT is there and of course does well.
And please, do not anyone get the idea this woman is not treated with respect and my full attention... she rarely knows I am frustrated with her.... welllll, Fri night she did.... LOL....

But I don't baby her, use all the energy to encourage and encourage and encourage all day long...because that only seems to give her more attention with no results....
Her shower was an ordeal yesterday.... she had been doing so well, no prompts where to put her hands, to stand up straight, ect... she almost fell because she would not listen when turning around and setting down..... she had been doing that all day, so just PLOP herself down...it scared her... of course I was right there and she did not fall.... but then she start ed whining, she just didn't know why she couldn't do this that or the other.... Yes you do J, it's because you won't try.... went into the same old song of being understanding of her limitations, ect.... and I am compassionate about that, but getting bored at the same time.....

And her poor husband thinks she will be up canning things out of the fall garden.... he has such high hopes... but I feel he might start insisting that she try to walk more when I am there..... it would feel good to know someone had my back and that I wasn't always the 'bad guy' for wanting her to get her strength back...so that was my dump for the day, before I go over there to the Groundhog day of caregiving... ya know, the one we all have every day......

Sorry the first part of the email was included.....didn't intend for that t o be part of it... but prayers being answered for Ms. V... she is getting better, slowly, so keep the posts here coming and t he emails to her.....tell her stuff that would make her laugh.... I do..... so thanks to everyone supporting and praying for our Ms. V.... love and hugs to you all today..... now, must get on the hiway to hell.... later...
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Moms in small rehab hospital after her fall. Its right across from the AFC my client lives in so i can see them both everyday. If she goes into long term rehab like 30 days it will be time for me to have my surgery. One day at a time right? Just hope she will be able to walk so we can bring her home again. Feeling kinda sad today : ( Hope others are doing ok. And hope Victoria is better every day. Hugs to all.Ruth Anne
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Sorry everyone for being the wet blanket today, i really hate feeling this way !
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RA, were here for you! It is fully understandable you are feeling this way. Hope your mom does well in rehab. Look at her time there as a change in your schedule at home, an opportunity for taking care of yourself a bit. The demands on your time are just different and you will adjust. Give yourself that gift of allowing yourself the same grace you offer others. You are not a wet blanket, just real.
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Ugh, it's been another one of 'those' days.
Y tried to go outside while I was out of the room. I forgot to put the note on the door that says not to open it because the alarm will go off (the only way to keep her from trying to open it, because she's had a few experiences with opening it and having the loud, blaring alarm go off). So anyways, I come out and see her on the front step, about to go down the rest of the way (there are three steps). She is not steady at all without her walker, but of course she thinks she is. I told her she wasn't supposed to go out there by herself and she said she'd come in in a minute, and then ... started to go down the rest of the way. She wobbled, caught herself, and I ran over, grabbed her forearms and started helping her back in. She absolutely LOST it. She started hitting at me and yelling for me to get away from her, etc. etc. I got her inside and when I let go, she practically lunged at me she was so mad, but didn't touch me.
I told her (not too calmly, but hey, I had had a scare from her nearly falling, and now here she was yelling at me when I was helping her) that she nearly fell but of course you can't reason with them. Then I told her she'd better never hit me again and ... I called her a liar. Yeah, I was pretty upset. But it shut her up at any rate, though she was still mad as Hades. Took me a while to calm down. I can assure you I've called her a few choice names to myself. I think she's forgotten it by now, but sometimes you can't tell.

Oh, and yesterday! She writes notes all the time, asking for stuff like notebooks and things. Well, she had written a note about needing more diapers (in the grossed out thread, I wrote about how she's been cutting her unused diapers up into butterflies and things; so anyways we've only been giving her a few at a time to try to curb that). Anyways, I came into her room and right there on her table is a cut-up diaper. I said, "Why do you cut up your diapers? That's why you're running out of them!" and opened a drawer of hers, and there were literally ten or so more that she'd cut up; and she said it was none of my business and basically murdered the laws of logic, but I can't remember all she said. Anyways, I brought her coffee to her and she said, "Did you poison it?" So I said yes, I did. Haha! That shut her up; she was expecting me to get mad and offended, because she seems to thrive on trying to hurt my feelings (once I realized she wanted my feelings to get hurt, I stopped letting her see if she had accomplished her goal; which turned into my feelings not being hurt). I've now started telling her I don't care what she thinks about me; she'll think it about me no matter what, so she can think what she likes. It actually works! It's no fun to taunt someone who just calmly goes about their business and doesn't care if you taunt them or not. I guess that's called detachment?
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Ramiller, I hope you get the joy back in your heart. Praying your Momma gets back on her feet and all goes well for her. We all go thru that sad feeling. Every time Momma goes thru her stuff. She is good todAY! Me too, kinda sad right now. took out the garbage and found maggots in my can, EUUUUUUUUUUUU. From the kids sATURDAY and all the cooking. Oh well, I used 2 cans of spray and the garbage man comes in the morning.
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Oh!!! That is wonderful!!!! I'm so glad to hear that Miss V is better....have been so worried about her...Thank you for letting us know ladee......
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