This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
He went to Mom's day care, and the people there were some of my strongest advocates. They saw what good care my mom was receiving. That was probably my smartest move, willingly offer him information. I called the day care to tell them he was on his way and asked they make mom available to him. They did. He was quite pleased with what he found and reports he received about me. So pleased in fact, that we did not see the investigator again for about six weeks. Yes, that was stressful, but I also realized that if he was concerned about anything he found, he would have been more persistent about talking with me and L.
It was my twisted sisters that requested the investigation, though the day care is required by law to report if they think anything is amiss. At the end of the investigation the twisteds received a response that there is nothing to investigate, that was all there was to it. When the investigator came to tell us that he was closing the case, he was so kind to me. Told me what an excellent job I was doing, that I was doing the right thing, and gave me a big hug. That would get those twisteds if they had any idea of all of the places I have received emotional support.
So, Deborah, try to relax, if it was your brothers that requested the investigation, APS, I was told, sees vindictiveness in families all the time. They will recognize if there are any issues of concern. If you try to hide anything, that will make them suspicious. So, just cooperate with whatever they want. In fact, I would call them today, tell them where Mom's day care is, and tell them they are welcome to go chat with Mom there.
More later, getting ready for my little trip.... need coffee !!
Ladee, enjoy your weekend to Galveston, there is a song by that name, correct? Just kidding!
Ladee, I'm 6 hours too late to miss your last post before your trip. Still, I wish you some great fun while away!
Told her it would have been no fun for her, had I finally made it there, curled up in the fetal position, sobbing hysterically and wondering who was going to come to Galveston to take me home, and tow my car...... the other option was, her getting a call from HPD saying there was a woman on a ledge saying she knew her... !!!!!
So I tried... told her from now on, if we couldn't find something to do on the west side of Houston, that we would just have to call, text, email and FB... cause I ain't EVEN going to put myself thru that again.....
And did I end up in the WORST part of Houston.... well, of course.... but I am telling ya'll,, had anyone dared to hassle me, I was on the verge of going off the deep end.... after a few seconds of that kind of crazy, ya just leave people alone.......
I'm laughing now.... but that ordeal was hours ago.... I came home and took a 7 hour nap...... so ya, I had an adventure, just not the one I was expecting..........Man it was good to see the rolling hills and trees and cattle.... nope, I am a country girl now..... the end..
It is true what they say the only people who have a certificate to say they are sane are those who have been charged with being insane. So the only thing you have to keep your focus on is that you will get a clean bill of action for being charge with just the opposite.
Of course if you then take that that letter and shove it where you want to ....please note that you would be charged with assault!!!!!
Good luck hun ...keep the faith xxxxx
Dad had a big BM today. I'm shocked that he didn't touch it. I am Not complaining. Just shocked because lately he's been naughty. His right arm/shoulder is hurting him a lot lately. For the past 2 days, I've been trying to massage him. I don't know how to massage. I have no patience. I was squeezing his shoulder/arm so fast, I stopped. I remembered doing that to my aching tense shoulders - and it made it worse. I recalled that if I press down hard, in one place, and then move to the next sore spot - press down hard - hold - then move on. That this helped a lot for my aching shoulders. So, tonight, I did the same. I could tell that it was helping him a lot with the pain. He kept wiggling, trying to give me more shoulder exposure to press on. When done, he said he's still hurting. I offered Tylenol but he refused. Sigh... I'm going to have to add extra time after changing his pamper to massage his right arm/shoulder. This is his working arm. Can't have it become too painful where he won't help me when changing his pamper. Hmm.... I wonder if we still have Blu Emu????
I downloaded several free, very short ebooks. I found a new author that I like! I can't put down her books. I'm on book 2 and eager to continue reading. But I told myself that I need to spend some time here on AC, too. So, I'm typing fast here so that I can go read.... Except, my other rule is to post in the DYS thread and another thread. Goals.....
Google "theracane" Love the thing!
Anyway, thanks, Glad. I'm going to order one now. Wait. It's 12:35am. I will order it later on today, at a Decent Hour. Time to get ready for bed. Night!
Just learning, when the focus is so severe and limited caring for that special person, we can't just up and get out, we have to ease into it with careful planning, going at the right time for us, as caregivers, not when the calendar says its a holiday.
So was so grateful to see the cows in the pastures grazing and just being cows... the closer home, the people were friendlier, Texas is a pretty friendly state over all , but all the chaos on those freeways and roads.... just cyborgs traveling in a pack is what I. thought..Will be going to the Renaissance Festival in Oct.. but don't have to travel near or thru Houston... so that trip I can make.....but I will also have a day to rest before I hit the road....
The past two years I have really started to notice the toll caregiving is having on me.... I can get out of at anytime... most or many of you do not have that luxury..... so the time is nearing when I say goodbye to this part of my life, and start living again without such fatigue, mental and physical....my body screaming from chronic pain.... can't imagine what that is going to feel like... none of us can remember not being tired all the time.....
So I am so grateful for so many fellow travelers on this journey..... and people who understand something as simple as not being able to cope with getting lost and feeling overwhelmed.... so hugs Sendme, and love and angels and chocolate to all of us....
Wishing more and more healthy moments for V E R O N I C A ! ! !
The weekends are more trouble with the internet here. MY DH restarted the router. We are good now. Hi again, missed everyone. Now, instead of mentioning what is happening on AC, I just say "my friends".
It is funny today, but moving once to S.F., I got lost in the big city. My sister always said to be street-wise and it's okay to pull into a 5-star hotel registration, use the fancy ladies restroom, and leave. Even had to call someone in L.A. (500 miles away) to get directions, they knew the exact details on how to get home!
Turn right out of the hotel. This before gps.