This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now, all I have to do is cope with at least two deaths, before that will happen.
I Sat down on the table, drank the iced tea and took a few bites. Not even 2 minutes into my meal, the person across me asked if I was okay. I misheard her and said that both of my bosses are fine. (Since she did ask me how I was when I first sat on their table, I figured she was asking about my bosses.) She gave me a puzzled look. The person beside her looked at me, and asked me if I was okay. I said yes. They both asked me if I'm sure. Yes, I'm sure. They asked me if I feel funny.
I sat there thinking. Their questions reminded me sooooo much of my brother and his gf asking me repeatedly if I was okay - after I had put on the sunblock and immediately turned super red and face bloated. I asked them Why are they asking. They said that my face is red. I don't have a mirror on me. But just in case, I immediately took Benadryl. I sat there staring at my plates. Which food caused me to have an allergic reaction? The only unknown thing - is the salad dressing. But just in case, I decided not to eat my side plate of salad. I got full fast because I didn't know I was attending this function and drank my ice coffee throughout the morning. Too bad I didn't make a pig of myself - esp. since it's Free food at a hotel! Oh, I'd better refill my Benadryl supply that I keep in my purse. I took the last one today....
Sendme2help; Oregano oil is fabulous. Did you know that you can take a few drops under your tongue (it has to be PURE oregano oil) to ward off colds or to help cure them quicker?
A special Thank You to Admin for the new hugs !!!!! Love them !!!
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.
And yes LadeeC, we will save our little money and finally have some freedom...one day.... hugs to you my friend, so happy we are both here again... Hugs and love to you all.
Charlotte –I admire you having the patience to just allow her to always be right. I’m still struggling with that – with my dad.
Luckylu, my dad is just like your mom. I can explain my full day’s work and he just gives me a blank look. Kind of hard to reason with someone who no longer can think reasonable 24/7.
Ladee1, Ha! I didn’t even know we had new hugs. Shows that I haven’t sent a Hug to anyone today. Hmm.. did I send any yesterday? Can’t remember. {{chuckling}} oh, yeah… grateful today…that uhm assignment completely slipped my mind… Oh yes! I did stop very briefly when I left the office this afternoon and saw the quarter moon was out – in the daylight. I briefly stopped to admire the moon. I love looking at the moon!
Hi Johnjoe, yep, I agree, this is a great place to vent or find tips or share some humor with those who Get It. Unlike family, when you make a caregiver’s joke, they have this blank look.
Dad is sneaking his hand into his front pants. Ha! Caught him!
Charlotte, I actually was relieved when I read your words above. I have toned down a bit since I found this site 3 years ago. Bedridden dad and I always argued a lot with lots of shouting. I would keep everything in and when he push me too far, my anger just boils over. I lost my temper. We rarely do that now. He's deteriorating fast physically and mentally. And he still refuses to assign anyone POA.
She said "someone is in here"
My husband said " oh good then you don't need me". Lol
I reassured her everything was fine!
I just took my mom into my home on 8/31; she is comfortable there and used to it now. I don't know what I will do now... I have court on 10/6 with my rotten brother who is petitioning for guardianship too! This has truly been the absolute worst month of my life. I feel broken now; like why bother going on? I really can't handle anything more being thrown at me.
JessieBelle, oops, I almost thought you were talking about your health. But the more health problems you mentioned, I figured it was her. Does your mom need a new bed? If my dad needs something but it's not necessary, and he's being wishy-washy, I tend to ignore him. Hmmmm, yes? Okay. No? Okay. In one ear and out the other. ... If it's something I think he needs, I approach him like a salesperson... It's very old, lumpy, filthy- see how it's black? That's mold. Moldy pillow is not good for you. It causes all these health problems - breathing problems, coughing, etc.. Once I'm done with my pitch, I would conclude, " I think we should get rid of the old one. I'll get a new one." This can go on several times before he finally says yes.
I've read of so many posters whose mother sounds like yours. She sounds narcissistic. On the top right of this page, there's a SEARCH box. Why don't you try typing 'narcissistic mothers". The ongoing theme is that they tend to hurt those around them, yet hug all the attention.
Have you seen this thread:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/borderline-personality-Narcissistic-mother-142833.htm
By the way, if you think my spending $160 on 2 medium size bags is frivolous. You haven't met my fave sis who spends $300 on a Michael Cor stiff purse that doesn't even have a zipper on top! $300!!!! Since our weather is either rain or shine, i asked sis what happens when it rain? Won't her stuff get wet? SIL also buys expensive purses. I still buy the $15.00 ones if it catches my eyes. Yes, I do have lots of purses... and lots of shoes....
Talking about shoes. I bought my very first rain boots! Nice shiny black. I found it in the children's dept @ kmart. I couldn't believe I fit a size 2! Now when I take out the trash to the road, or go to the washing machine in the back, I can wear this rain boots without getting my feet wet. I hate it when my flip-flops get wet and squishy and slippery. It was $17.99. I only found out when I got home that it was on sale for $10-some. If I had known, I would have bought the bright red ones, too. =)
I remember a time when I could get all of my school clothes for the year for what I paid for this purse. Scary.