This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Compassion - understand the constant giving, and not being appreciated for all that we do. Please feel free to vent when you need to. Chocolates. I decided to try a small bag of dark chocolates with blueberries. It took me several days to like the taste. Now I really like it. But my acid reflux doesn't. But, eating those candies can be sooooo satisfying! You take care. {{Hug}}
One thing I did do.. for the past few years at every craft show, etc I have looked at a beautiful picture of a church in Harpers Ferry.. I just loved it. I said it was the one thing I was going to buy myself with the money dad left me, and I would think of him whenever I saw it. ( I am very frugal and I banked the money for retirement..haha) So.. I finally bought it!! Now to get it hung. And I don;t feel guilty!
This morning, a college student called in, asking if her old car can make it to the long drive home to visit the parents. They wanted to call her parents to explain why she couldn't drive her old car. Before he answered, they told her to keep silent. Once her father got on the line, and did their spiel, they then said that his daughter was hoping they would get her a new car (Not!!!). I was laughing so hard as I was driving. Anyway... I just love that radio show!
Compassion, welcome.
And speaking of chocolate I picked up some Hagen Daz pomegranate ice cream bars covered with dark chocolate. OMG! They are wonderful, and a special limited edition. Need to go buy more before they are gone!
I visited fave sis for about 2 hours today. I played with her 3 grands. We sang some nursery rhymes using my ipad. I googled nursery songs. And 4 yr old nephew quickly tapped on the list. I said, "Hey!" OMG.. it was a YouTube that played the songs TWICE. After the 4th song, the 4 yr old and 5 yr old were still gungho into singing. I was BORED stiff by the 2nd repeated song. I quit - not even 1/5 of the video! They were disappointed. Then I got my 11 month old niece out of the playpen, put her on the floor mat with us, and we played ball. I showed her how to push the big Barbie car, and when it hit the wall, I made a loud "Bang!" She giggled and crawled to the car, hit it on the wall, and I made a "Bang" sound at each hit. She was having so much fun. After a while, I got tired, put her back in her playpen. I made the mistake of saying aloud not to touch me because I'm ticklish. What does the 4 and 5 year old do? They both automatically tried to touch me! I don't have as much patience with kids as I used to. But we did have fun together.
Today, sis dropped by. She told me that those lanterns were great. One per room . She then asked me if I can order the emergency lights. I ordered a total set of 4 - for $91.00. It's expensive but those lights are Bright! Not as bright as the lantern but it's not a wimpy light for sure.
I hope the power doesn't turn off. For almost 1 hour my dad complained nonstop on how hot it is. I had a goal to find a battery operated fan. But I never got around to doing it.
My WindowsVista won't let me log on. I found a great YouTube tutorial...except when I went on Safe Mode, logged in, Start, search 'regedit'... I Only have One file -the default... I was to check the Public file - which is nonexistent in my laptop! D*rn, I was hoping not to take it to the computer shop! They take over a week to fix it and charge $75 (several years ago). They returned my laptop without the CD drive working. I had to take it back so that they make it work again. They were surprised that the CD drive still works. This year my laptop will be 8 years old. It cost me $800-some and I aim to make it last as long as possible.
Anyway, I need BIL to choose my new laptop. I want it to last just as long as this one.
And what my GP told me, when I said that I work full time and then go home to caregive both bedridden parents and I can't exercise. He said, "You can make the time."
I hope it's not as bad as what we all worrying about. {{{Hugs}}} of encouragement !!!
Ladee, I hope your appointment goes well ...thinking good thoughts for you.
Stellach, I feel like now I am finally able to speak on this from both sides. I have seen folks who have supportive siblings, extended families, surrounded by friends who call and come by for coffee and just to ask is there anything you need. I have seen them...but have not had the pleasure of knowing them for the past four years.....NOW....after four years of being at this for a totally bedfast Mama, my brother, with whom I have had a LOT of serious problems...largely I thing due to his wife...but for the most part...all of them abandoned us way back when. It has been excruciatingly difficult to even go one more day at this...so alone, so incredibly blue, so hopeless feeling ....BUT...now HIS wife ...the SIL, is pretty sick..with what we still don't really know, and suddenly he has had to take on the role of sole caregiver...and less than two months of it has just about done him in...and NOW...he "gets it"....he finally told me he didn't know how I was doing it...and while this still is of no physical, hands on help to me...it is undeniable that just knowing he is seeing why I feel the way I feel towards everyone who has been such an a$$ is a huge ....what's the word I'm looking for.....maybe even smirk of satisfaction....
I have heard most of my adult life how this happens...how when someone needs a caregiver, most often they will find themselves in a situation like most of us...alone and abandoned....if you're very lucky, you might get some help...for me, the emotional abandonment is what has almost destroyed me...I have to admit I'm such a control freak about how I do things that I really do prefer to take care of Mama's daily needs rather than have to explain and explain largely as well, because I find I end up having to clean up a HUGE mess behind them or they just can't do it in the first place.
Every single one of our extended family on Daddy's side comes right past the turn off from the road into town..We are two blocks away from that point and the number of times those people have come by is exactly ZERO. My parents were always there for all of them...and his parents...All I can think is maybe because these are younger folks they just didn't grow up with the same strong sense of supporting family that I did...but it disgusts me.
For now my brother and I are finally on the same page. It's a great feeling...I wish folks understood that not being made to feel like we've just dropped off the face of the earth or don't have feelings or don't still want to enjoy holidays, etc. would mean so much....Fall has always been Mama's favorite season..mine too...But the bad thing about it is here comes the holidays...which present a whole other issue....and I fear those happy memories now, will forever be, just memories...
Received dad's latest AL invoice and his price is going up by 10% Dec 1st. This is first increase since he moved in last July. I was expecting this as his care needs have increased.
Then received our property reassessment today. Our land is in 3 parcels but in one continuous piece of land but the land prices are all not the same. It's not like we have valuable wooded land so I have scheduled an apt with the assessor to try to understand their rational as it makes no sense.