This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sheryl, just remember that if mom moves in with you, you will need to figure out how to discourage your mom from just walking out the door. She will most likely want to go home, day/night. Also know that she will continue to need more and more hands on help. Figure out how you're going to deal with it. Hire outside help or into an assisted living place. You know what I mean - since you're a regular now on this site. Just keep some plans B, C.
Pam, what a set up. Defeats the purpose of BIL and SIL doing their part.
So, I replayed the YouTube several times (like 5 times) taking notes. Then another 5 times watching how he clicked this/that. So, today, I did it - using my notes and his YouTube with lots of 'pause' while I follow his instruction. And it WORKED!!!
I'm now using my laptop. From now on, I'm going to be emailing my important notes to as a protection in case this old laptop crashes. I need to also transfer my families' old photos to both the flash drive and CD. I will do that tonight.
Austin, it was scary because he said it's very important to follow his instructions. If I deleted the wrong file in "regedit", I would wipe out my data and most likely will have to take it to the computer tech. I need to access mine and dad's budget worksheet and see what needs to be paid. Desperation overcame my fear and I did it very carefully. Yes, you're right. It felt so good that I did it. =)
I sometimes feel so sorry for my dad. I have noticed that no one talks to him for the sake of conversation. All the babysitters- sis, nieces. I sometimes wonder if that's why dad softened a bit towards me. We talk (lately he sometimes doesn't make sense) and I joke or tease him (which sometimes backfire if he forgets we're joking).
Since I cannot easily recall what I wanted to say, that is why my posts are so short.
In the meantime, please feel free to come back and just vent your frustration. I think, you're past the angry stage. Now, all you feel is a disconnect with life. I'm so sorry. I've been there. I know how it feels. {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}
Dad has UTI. Some blood in his urine. The nurse called my cell phone today while I was at work. I need to find time tomorrow to pick up his antibiotics. His drinking of water is close to non-existent. He just doesn't like water. His taste buds are wacky. Food is either tasteless or too sweet.
I have overcame my desire to vent about oldest sis. It's basically the same old thing. So no need to rehash it all again. Sink strainer is always clogged when I come home. Smelly poopy trash in kitchen is still there. I really need to find time tomorrow morning to take it out to the trash bin - about 20 feet from the front of our house. Sis is dumping HER empty boxes of Black Tea to the recycle area. I guess she expects me to also tear up HER boxes??? So far, HER boxes are piling up these past 3 weeks. One would THINK she would realize that I'm not throwing out HER boxes. Oh, well, in the end, I know, and you know, that I will end up doing it... Okay, I lied. I had to vent - but not a FULL vent. Just lots of Capitalization....