This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Laundry done, so going to kick back for a while, then take all the new clothes that came today for the col and play fashion show.......she's just going to be stylin'......
Love and Hugz,
Jam
The pastor of the church I wrote about on July 30 who sent my mother a birthday letter which asked for a contribution sent me a letter today. His letter started out saying he understood that I felt insulted, but hoped to reduce that by explaining his letter which he attempted to do. Then, he stated that he understood it might be a financial burden that she is in an assisted living place. What? I wrote him that she is in a nursing home right there in town. From a writing perspective, he combined two sentences with a comma which really should have been two separate sentences. The whole tone of his letter struck me as defensive and that he felt insulted by my e-mail. He claimed that his approach to stewardship via a birthday letter was practiced by other churches with solid theological and biblical backing. I'm not going to have anything more to do with him, although I could counter argue his theological and biblical backing which would accomplish nothing. He could have just written a more compassionate e-mail as a quickly reply instead of waiting 21 days to mail me a lengthy epistle. :(
It sounds for the most part that all are doing fairly well this evening, hubby and I have dropped the top on the camper (it's a pop top), put the chairs and the cooler's in there, so now there is no way to get in the back of the camper..lol..
Ladee, we are taking off, are any of you good at photoshop? you could splice in Jo to the pictures and then she can post them on her FB.. Jo, we'll figure out something to get them going..lol, thinking time for me to go get in the shower, move the laundry basket off the bed, can crawl in.. night all.
Glad to hear you will get a ride, now I won't have these horrible pictures in my head... sorry for that stress on top of everything else......hope your allergies get better.. I am blessed that I do not have any, other than to stupid people, then I break out in bad behaviour....but other than that, things are good... take care and let us know how you are feeling.....hugs across the miles...
Can't answer your question about does it get easier, in many ways yes, for me about my mom, it has been 27 years, and in some ways the older I get the more I miss her.... and the older I get the more I am like her... I know she is in heaven having a good laugh about that one.... hope things ease up for you, just means you miss her and love her..... it has not been that long,, so be easy with yourself... hugs across the miles to you...
Ladee – we didn’t have any water – hot or cold! U r like ur mum? -she must have been a wonderful woman!!!
Shawna (((((((hugs|))))) ur best friend has died and now your house has come down OUCH! Big ones and so sorry to hear about the crime in your town – that is awful and knowing some of them too – I bet you have had nightmares and tears –what a story about your dad and you when he passed –sounds like such a sweet man - glad u and ur mum and ur sis can support one another – U R the PHOTOSHOP QUEEN!!! I want lessons!!! I have used paint.net a little for blending things - Photoshop is not an easy program – I have played around with it a little
Jam – sounds like u should shoot the thing and put it out of its misery – hope u have better luck with a sale than we are having with this 21’ thing in the driveway – Gary lived in it when he first came up here and since, he has used it for storage parked on some rented land on the edge of town – and then the rules changed and it lives here now … more stories about the two ladies will com - but not tonight – I am stuffed with dry roasted ribs – they were so good – Gary asked me how long I cooked them – said till they were done – I don’t know
Vic – glad u know about the UTI now and have antibiotics - Let us know about the internist visit and the blood work – maybe when u were "too rough" he just wasn’t feeling well
John - I am a little appalled at the response u got – both how long it took and the content - yes u could counter the theological and biblical backing but not much point –trust you will be back to par in another day or two
Starri – glad u have the camper top dropped -sounds like u may take off on time re pics - there is no rush – we will figure out something – hope things go smoothly for u now
Bridget – welcome - glad you at least know u need to believe in urself and look after urself. Grief is hard work and more so when the death is sudden and unnatural – by someone else’s hand in some way. Anniversaries are tough - especially in the first years –what can I say – take care of you and feel the feelings
Hi everyone else - hope u had a good day. I am still hoping for HOT water today almost ready to take a cold shower lol brrrr
jo
Jam, If I had know you were going to look me up, I would have waved.
I will have more time tomorrow to get caught up with everyone.....please don't forget about me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
that is an awesome story and ur dad and shannon and also about rick - some one is looking after u ((((hugs))))
seeme we will never forget about u u u u u u LOL
((Shawna)), those are wonderful memories about your dad, something that you, mom and sis can share.
Seeme, how is the ME time going? have you plotted your escape yet?
Ladee? how did your day go? Jam, how was yours? Vic hope you are getting some rest, Cmag, you as well. Now who'd I miss? to easy to do on here, Ros is missing haven't seen her today. Big hugs to those here and who aren't..
We're in the final hours count down, I want Glenn to get his butt up at 6, have his coffee and us get out of here by 7-730 at the latest, maybe go get breakfast, then take the girls to the vets.. after that it's my Dr.'s office, pick up scripts, get them filled, then Kmart, UPS Store (have to have new keys made for the mailbox, hubby somehow managed to lose the one we had) and Walmart, after that should be home, Friends house, and then on the road.. First stop Murphy NC
Will keep ya'll posted..check out the face book page for updates..
Been rather busy around here so just now getting around to checking email. Hope everyone has had a great day so far..............we know starri is a "happy camper"....:) I'm envious of her being able to just go.....what a wonderful adventure!
The heat is unbearable today......98 degrees with 50% humidity and heat index between 110 and 115. I'm staying in where it's cool. Was standing on the deck last night waiting on the dogs to finish and a huge owl flew straight across my line of vision and kept going thank goodness!!!! Either it didn't see my little chihuahua or he thought better with me standing there.....he was so fast though I don't think I could have managed to shoot it. Back to standing over my little guy at night.
seeme.......do you have to make any prep for the hurricane? The satellite pic of your house was done before there was even grass on the ground. The one of our house was pre-pond and that was put in 6 yrs ago. You would think some of these sites would update themselves. We had an aerial photo taken of our property last Aug and the company that did it put it in a nice frame for us and it's on the wall. There was still actually water in the pond! It's down real low now since we haven't had that much rain and I still say we have a leak in it.
hopefully we will hear from ladee after a nap......only 2 hours sleep....not enough to keep you going. I sure hope Marie is good today.
Hope everyone can check in and let us know how you are............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Emjo, water, whohoo... probably by the time you get this it will be hot water too...
Starri, "on the road again"... hope you have a good time...
Shawna, how are things with you today... no drive bys I hope, and I am not trying to be funny , I am worried....
Vic, don't "try harder", just relax, let people that love you be your mirror for awhile.. and you will see what we are talking about..... love and hugs...
Jam, have you hired anyone yet for the weekends??? I heard today that they are expecting three more YEARS of this heat and drought.... no way am I going to do another summer like this one..... Of course my friend in Colorado said I really need to come there..... I'll just put a map on the wall and throw a dart, and as long as it's not this hot, I'm going there....
cwgrl, was hoping to see you hear today.... hope everything is ok with you... let us hear from you...... just jump right in.... there is not getting "caught up", just run with the herd.....
Son is coming over, probably wants something.... too bad,,, what i have is saved and put up... sorry, no money honey.......
Am going to drink a cup of coffee and try to stay awake, then hitting the bed, did not take a nap today, so maybe I will sleep tonight....... Haven't done this in a long long time....
Love to everyone, and check in so we all know how each other is doing.... hugs across the miles...
He is an artist - created a bend in the copper tubing from solderng together liittle sections - just one solder away from hot water, so need prayers from everyone that it gets finished soon. The horses need water too!
starri - what a hoot!!! just make sure that the pic of you and Glen has the name of a place far from here on it - sounds like you are just about on your way - waiting to hear that u r!!! have a great time!!!
jam - hope u r gettng that extra help organized -maybe u and target can get away for a weekend sometime - sounds awfully hot there!!! and look out for the owls
ladee - u need some sleep - I have had a few nights like that - stick with the "no money, honey"!!!
shawna -thinking of u - u have a lot on ur plate these days -
stormy is on the beach having a blast
everyone else - as has been said - check in and let us know how u r
woo hoo - a hot bath cannot be too far away - I am going to soak for a long time and turn into a prune - and love it!!!
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Hope you are well.... All of you, of course
Emjo....I don't know how you can have been so patient without water.....that is one thing I cannot do without....I have been without power and A/C for days after Hurricane Floyd, but I do NOT like to be without water....even cold.....MUST shower and brush teeth.........we would fill the tub so we had water to flush the toilet, give the dogs a drink, bought bottled water for drinking and cooking, but I would run all the water out of the tank to get a shower if I had to.
Ladee.......NO MONEY, HONEY......love that!!! Stick to it.....
Starri....did ya start on the adventure yet??? Hope you headed west.....
Stormy should be getting home tomorrow, I think. If not Thurs, then Friday. She should have plenty of time to make it home, and she lives farther inland than I do, so she shouldn't even be able to tell there is a hurricane out there.
Vic.......whatever you said to cowgirl, tell her again...LOL....UTI, right? Lovely.....
Jambo.....my Rambo with a J.....Get that help for the weekend......take advantage of it, or tell Target he's got the weekends cause you have places to go and people to see and things to do...........Mom likes me to pick out her clothes cause she doesn't remember half of them, and it's like Christmas almost every day. Tell the col she just doesn't remember them........
I haven't had any ME time at all. We (sis and I) have been laying out my dining room table with the dishes to be used at the reception.....placing the food and plates etc. in the proper position.......my coffee table is a German crank up table so bigger and wider than the norm. It has become the snack table, and my sofa table is now the buffet table at the hall. We worked on it all day and Kathy took pictures so we have an idea where things go on Sat. We even labeled the dishes with what goes in them. And sis is making food labels for the dips, plus doing the ribbons and flowers for table decorations. Kathy seems very pleased. Says she is, anyway, and I know she appreciates the help. She has said, and I have to agree, she doesn't know what she would have done without us. Tomorrow she gets all the food and it goes in my frig in the garage, and I will make all the dips. And probably go out and get what Kathy forgot. Friday sis and I start in on the veggies, fruit, and broc/cauli salad, and meat/cheese tray, and then go to the rehearsal dinner at Kathy's for supper. It is outside and it will probably rain that night. Saturday Sis leaves at the butt-crack of dawn shesays, and I will go to the hall with all the dishes, set the veggies on the platter, and get all the fruit on the 3-tiered centerpeice which I have not seen and hope I have enough fruit to fill it. And just make sure all the food is ready when the ceremony is over and pictures are done.
And I hope hubby and mom can get along all that time......
We are not doing any preparations for the Hurricane.......if we lived closer to the coast, I would, but hopefully we will get some rain out of it, and winds are expected to be about 25 mph sustained. We have had that before just cause a cold fromt came through. Yes, it is not set in stone, but we get the story from the meteorologists about fronts from the Midwest and high pressure off the coast steering it in the directions, etc., etc. It's all they have talked about for a week already. Now the outer banks and where Ted lives will get the worst of it......... wind damage and possible flooding and power outages. We are on a county water system, so we will have water if the power goes out, and we have a big Jenn-Aire grill fueled with a tank we also use for the gas firelogs, so no worry there about running out of gas, but with 2 fridges and one freezer, the thought of losing power scares me, and we may have to have a big Omaha Steak cookout. Had to do that once before.....
Sis and mom got into a shouting match this morning,,,,,not that I heard it, but sis wanted mom back in bed at some ungodly early hour and mom said she wasn't doing it. And it was ON..................... Sis is getting more used to the strange comments that will come out of her mouth, but at first she was quite taken aback. She has seen me "lie" to her or just agree, ot say "hhmmmm". But I will say that the doctors have given up on her. If she is having mini strokes, what can be done? If she has lung cancer? She wouldn't do anything about it anyway. She got another medicine for high BP. So unless she is in pain or has broken something, I don't see why I would need to take her to the doctor, except for flu shot. She doesn't want to correct the fistula......our biggest arguments lately have been about the sewlling of her feet cause she wants to sit up in that damn chair instead of her hospital bed that I can tilt cause she might miss something. They are so big she cannot lift them off the floor. Her shoes leave marks on the tops of her feet. I finally say I don't care if you don't and walk out and that is how I stop the conversation.
So, after Sat., I plan to get back to my regular schedule and have more time for you girls and guys. I have missed you all so much......and I see this computer sitting there so empty and I think I HAVE to get there and every time I sit down, something happens, the phone rings, gotta cook a meal.......so I joined this thread and met new people to relieve some stress, and if I don't get to talk to them every day, I get STRESSED.........what's with that??????
I hope everyone checks in. Please don't be offended if I didn't mention your name....I have to get some memory drugs for things like this, and I keep forgetting to get them !!!
Everyone have a peaceful, restful, restorative sleep.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Nope haven't gotten anyone hired for the weekend yet, but I don't think we will have any problem finding someone. We are starting to notice some neuro changes, not constant, but the occasional facial twitches, mouth grimaces, jaw quivering. She's eating well, in fact she wants to eat all the time. I'm going to own stock in the sourdough bread market!
emjo....is it hot water yet? Here's hoping for a nice soak for you tonight.
Shawna....glad you got your paperwork delivered without mishap. A website store would be terrific....I hope you can get it up and running.
John.....sorry your day went into the gutter. Isn't it amazing when someone is in la-la land, that sometimes you just stand there with a blank look on your face and no comeback. I'm glad Mom is happy.... that helps to deal with all those "funny" moments. Natural brain failure through aging has always fascinated me. I would love to be able to physically see how thoughts work their way through the brain network, especially those times when our loved one is clearly lucid and the next minute can't retain a thought or follow a conversation.
Have the col tucked into bed for the night. She seems happy, but sleepy. Hope she stays there all night. Target is down now doing his nightly sleep tight. Time for me to put my feet up.
Looking at about 10 degrees cooler tomorrow....can't wait. Hope to get one of the new gliders fixed so the col can go out front and glide away! Got it all put together and one of the welds broke on the piece that makes it glide. The company sent replacement parts, so I will get out my handy dandy little allen wrench and get it changed out.
Hope everyone has a good night......sleep well!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
shawna -glad u r safe and r being productive
seeme - we have had cold water most of today and my man is working so hard - still one leak to go - seems one gets fixed and another appears. he is patient and so am I - I could go to my daughter's house for a hot bath - could be worse -can always brush ur teeth in flavoured bottled water lol
wow ur helping Kathy and I am so glad it all is working out so far - lots of work.
so sis and mum had a shouting match - comes under the heading of education
ladee ((((hugs)))) to u and Diva though I know she will hiss at me - hope u stop rocking and get a good nite's sleep
ros thx for connecting
jam - things are percolating at ur house - like the image of the col floating away! - love gliders
wish us luck, my man is bringing out the big guns to solder these things together -either it will work or it will blow a few things apart - I am going for the "will work" option - I will report back when something happens
everyone sleep tight!