This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Love the islands.
So, if things go according to plan,I should be out of there in less than two weeks... if they try to drag it out further than that..... too bad....
My plans are to have no plans for a little while, gonna feel so strange... and hopefully I can detox my body from so much stress of keeping my mouth shut for so long. lol..... I can't believe I am finally here ya'll. Feels somewhat surreal... but have been doing some deep cleansing breaths.... I am so ready. Thanks for all those that have supported me..... love, hugs, angels, and chocolate.
Reverse – Most people complain but they don’t see it as complaining. But, when they see someone ‘complaining’ they criticize you. My family was like that years ago. Until I found this website. Non-Caregivers do not understand what we’re going through. I read a lot of Reader’s Digest for years. There were 2 stories that stood out to me. Both were doctors who became very sick, and had to be hospitalized. After their got well, both doctors learned what it’s like to be the sick person, the uncertainties, etc… They both have admitted that their near-death experiences now makes them better doctors. So you know what? I’d continue what I’m doing. The next time he complains, be truthful and tell him that he does the same. And then tell him that he’s doing a double standard. And until he stops complaining about his ob, you will continue to complain about caregiving. And it’s true. When he stops, you just come back here on AC and purge yourself. =)
Pam, good for you to actually find a way to get leave so that you can relax with your mom. Hope the drive wasn’t as bad as you thought. Did you bring a little pillow to put behind your back – as a support for that long drive?
Alreme, I’m glad that today’s a good day. We take what we can and enjoy it while we can.
The more you are thankful, the more you attract things to be thankful for.
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Comments from other posters regarding the above...
* I'm always grateful that money always finds its way to me and my needs are always met.
* I can't believe I am saying this, but I am thankful for all the people who screwed me over, walked out on me, who put me down to ground zero... Because of you people, I am standing tall from fighting the right. And I am ROARING. I am the winner, you people are the losers. Thanks for making me who I am today.
* I am thankful that I've grown to love myself.
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One day, with that 2nd comment above, I will be able to appreciate that my past childhood and dysfunction and all the people who have hurt me, used me, took advantage of my good nature, etc... that I will learn to stand up and look them in the eyes and say; "NO, I will not do that anymore."
I included the last comment - because that touched me. One day.. I hope to love myself...
Today's Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday, a Federal holiday with the banks being closed. I did Not remind him that it's payroll. He finally remembered when it was 5pm. All well... we won't get paid on time. That's okay. He didn't like me reminding him about payroll - suffer the consequences, then. I still won't remind him anymore. I can always transfer cash from my savings to my checking if I need to pay something ASAP...
"What do you do"?
Just answer...
" Whatever it takes"!!
1. What did you see FIRST? What are you attracting right now?
(On the very first line: CSWISELOVETOUGH)
- I saw LOVE.
2
2. The FIRST word you see describes YOU! .... HAPPY
.......................
I don't think this is accurate because being a voracious reader, I always read from left to right, from top to bottom. The first line has no word spelled out. The 2nd line has the word "happy". Jump to the 5th line which has Genuine, etc...
She got up, was find, half way thru her breakfast she said her shoulder hurt, she was getting pale, I started asking all the mandantory questions, and asked her to show me where all she was hurting....she went from her shoulder to her back... I told H to call 911, of course he got rattled, but I quickly told him women present different than men when having a heart attack... long story short, she is on her way to Austin , her heart dr is there, by ambulance of course.... so, everything is on hold until I know what is going on....
Dressing up for it is another unsolved mystery.
Do you think Jeanne will bake a cake?
Maybe you could advocate for temporary placement for your former client.
Today we got home from the doctor and Mom was going to sit in the swing for a while. I checked outside a few minutes later and she was gone. She does that sometimes. She decides to go on a walk. I let her walk for a few minutes, then hop in the car to go get her if she is tired.
Today I was about to get in the car when I spot her on the ground two houses up the street. My first thought was, "I wonder why Mom decided to sit on the grass?" Well, doh, me. She has fallen.
She was okay and wanted to try to get up by herself. It was going to be challenging, so I thought of dialing 911. Then a beautiful young woman came home and came over to help. She was a PT, wouldn't you know? We got her back up on her rollator and were own our way.
And I thought about how I went out the door to get her at just the right time and the PT just happened to come home. And I knew the angels were watching out for the old woman sitting on the grass.
Mom was still shaky tonight, so I messaged my brothers. One of them called her and it was like medicine. She perked up like all was right with the world again. She is all warm and comfy. And the only damage is a wound on her wrist.
Ladee, good news about J. But, you take care of you. Only as long as it takes to get things lined up. OK?
Now I am sure why caregivers don't go for help and their own medical treatment.
Cannot get anything else done, and I am angry the diagnosis was delayed, in addition to discovering an ankle fracture that occured about 2 + yrs. ago: and they said it was not broken back then!!! Fortunately, these are minor breaks, but emotionally I think there is a slow burn pending in my brain. Just cannot put this in perspective. Kinda angry. Kinda depressed.
Well, J did not have a heart attack... nothing wrong with her heart, so many follow up Dr's visits to come to find out what happened..... my concern is that I am going to have to remind them I am still leaving.....and somewhere in all the drama they need to find help, asap......
All that yesterday, and I had to be at work at 6 am to have her ready by 7 to go to a school function of one of the great grandsons for Veterans Day, in a town about a three hour drive from here.... whaaatttttt???? Uh Ok... so after a hurried get ready session, I had the rest of the day off....all except for the daughter that came to pick them up, second guessing if I had taken her Blood Sugar, did she get her shot, and on and on and on..... the whole mess is really starting to wear on my last nerve... you know, the one that is already frayed !!!! Sure hope this doen't turn into more drama.... but I have postponed plans with my best friend to have a girls weekend for over three months in a row because of this drama.... so guess what... I will lie and say I am already on the road....
I am beginning to think I walk into some kind of altered universe and will be trapped there forever unless I know what the magic word is.....I have a long list of words I want to use... but they aren't magic..... lol....