This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Car service man called. Car problem is the coils - which they (the dealership) don't have on stock - being that my car is 7 years old. They will need to order it - which will take 15 days to get here. I can't rent a car for 21 days - that's going to be about $1400.00. And we haven't even touched the car repair cost. I called fave sis and asked if I can borrow fave niece car - and niece can drive her stepfather's manly pick up truck. (I call it 'manly' because it's a Man's man pick-up. Big bulky and loud muffler sound.) Unfortunately, her hubby's son's car is down, and he's using his father's manly truck. So, now I don't know.... Sis says we can do it - her and her daughter will just have to coordinate their schedule using sis' car between them. I told sis that if I use the daughter's car - please let the insurance know. I don't want to get into an accident, and the insurance will use
the excuse that they won't cover the accident since my name is not one of the designated driver's in the insurance paper.
And things kinda drag along, while I'm doing my cancer treatments. Mostly, I find myself tired all the time. But the good news is, we're seeing improvements. Whoopie!!
Edna is still hanging in there, though the recurrent UTI's keep rearing their ugly heads. She's declining, slowly. Speech is more slurred, energy really low .. not eating as much. I don't think the end is years away. More like months .. but with Edna, you never know.
Book .. things just keep getting heaped on you, don't they. I applaud your strength and tenacity. Hang in there!!!
Ladee1 .. huge hugs from me and crossing my fingers you find your own angel to replace you. You deserve the break!!
Jude .. right there with you!! I've always contended that if everyone stopped BEing terrified, the terrorists would have no power over us. I don't mean not being afraid. H*ll .. if I had a gun pointed in my face, I'd probably wet my pants, but dammit, I'd stand up in the guy's face and say, "do it, dammit! I'm done with your crap!"
If I don't post before then .. happy turkey day to everyone who celebrates it!!
LadeeC
LadeeC, I'm glad that the treatment you chose is showing signs. Take care of yourself and don't overdo it too much. {{Hugs}}
Car problem is the coil. Parts $700 + shipping + labor = $1000.00!!! Had asked my nephew where I can find generic parts (instead of the Toyota brand). He was NOT helpful. Well, why should I expect him to? This is the nephew whom I threatened to call the cops on - for abusing his girlfriend. In the end, I'm forced to go through the dealership. To help alleviate my car problem while my car's in the shop, I've taken 1 week off starting on Dec. 7. That will give me 3 weeks to worry about a car to go to work....
Book, sorry to see your car problems. Try to enjoy that week off while figuring out the transportation issue. And losing posts seems to be a pattern around here again lately.
Laden like glad its great to her the positives
Book you'll have to get yourself a motorbike!
Veronica fab to see you see you on the posts again xx
Question for you all. If called upon to state your religion - having seen christian being shot for their faith - would you still stay true or lie? As you all know I am an atheist/agnostic but born Jewish and raised in a Anglican household yet sent to a Baptist church can you expect anything else. If anything I guess it would be Christian if forced to state a religion I have tendencies toward - would I lie? Absolutely not. Would I be scared - absolutely. Would I be terrified? Only if the gun was pointing at my family when they asked me the question ...and then I might lie...no I would lie...I would in fact do anything to keep them safe
What an interesting question Jude...I pray with everything in me I would tell the truth...but I'm with you ...if directed at my family....I'm thinking I would lie....I'd love to hear other's thougths on this...
Another beautiful day here. I got out in the yard last night and did some raking, hoping it would help my head...and for a bit it did and then it came back with a vengeance and I finally had to lie face down on the sofa beside Mama because it hurt so much I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach...Finally I had to just go to bed and woke up during the night, wondering how long it would be before someone found me if I expired...I think I'm thinking too much..
Mama definitely looks better since finally handling her "problem"....but she has not returned to me mentally....I miss her voice...I miss her smile....all her vitals are good. She even wakes up and during the course of the day will drink an ensure, sometimes two and also drinks water...I don't force it but she drinks it voraciously...but still not talking.
I am glad her sister is coming today. If anyone can get a response out of her it could be her...I wonder if she won't talk to me because I am the enema lady....Can't say that I blame her there....but wonder if she's angry at me...she looks angry at me.
I got to wake up today knowing all that VA paperwork has been mailed and is off my back and I can't even begin to say how proud I am I got it accomplished even with all that was going on....Not looking favorable to having to ever do it again but if by some miracle I do...I now know more what I needed to keep and what I could have tossed....Not knowing what I needed I made it a lot harder on myself...and even though, at the end of it, I finally discovered a place on the VA Website (who imagined... ) that explains it all...I guess I figured if there was such a place surely the folks in charge of this would have informed me...NOT....good grief...they could make it easier on folks if they just gave you some simple information...that website answers everthing...I found it on my own...looks like they'd tell you because it would make it easier on them too. as they would get accountings done in the correct manner....
I have several hot/cold packs. I warmed up the largest one in the micro. I keep another one in the freezer. I brought both since I always get confuse which ones to use when having a headache.
Used the heated pack first. I think it was a mistake. I felt my head throbbing more. So, I took that off, and used the frozen gel. Ohhhh myyyyy. THAT helped a lot. But headache was still throbbing. So, I took the cold pack, and put it behind my neck. Ohhhhh... that felt soooo good. I just laid there and felt my body relaxing - from head to toes. Finally fell asleep lightly. Still have my headache but not as bad as before.
I'm now cooking rice. Will make Spam Goulash with can of tomatoes, sliced mushrooms, corn and lots of onions. Lots of water to make it a soup. Maybe I need to have real food in my stomach, too. Headache is trying to get worse. Stress.
Glad, the one week off - I will be stuck at home. Staying home gives me a migraine. I really don't look forward to spending the whole Saturday to the next Sunday (total 9 days) 24/7 taking care of dad.
Consider this a cautionary tale of if you ignore your cold.
My co worker who I posted about 3weeks ago who was sick is now recovering from surgery Thursday night. Cold turned into pneumonia. Not enough rest and a earned a trip to ER Very dehydrated. Skipped the doc follow up and was not improving. Painful to breath/ lots of coughing. Came to a head last Saturday with another trip to ER and was admitted. Tubes inserted Sunday to drain lungs but surgery done to scrape out lungs as best possible. Only 27 years old. I am not expecting him back at work until January and since I have seniority I have assumed many of his tasks and working many more hours than I really want to.
Tired from all that walking and standing I do not have time to sit and take a break. Thankfully not covering weekends but am looking forward to his return.
So less time to visit Dad who doesn't really seem to notice I try to stop in for just a few minutes when I can.
We were successfully in getting our property taxes lowered on the property we bought in February. Did get my fall yard clean up done. House fairly clean.
Kitties still getting lots of attention as the temps are dropping and they like the warm house.
Fave niece car - that I was suppose to use for 2 weeks, starting this Tuesday, - is now having problems. I Did tell niece when she picked me up to take me to the auto shop, that her car was shaking. She didn't take me seriously. But, ohhhh, a male friend drives her car, and tells her that there's something wrong with her car - maybe the alternator - and she listens to him. She called me tonight saying that there's something wrong with her car - shaking - and it might be the alternator... Well... I even told her mom this morning that her daughter's car is shaking. And the mom said that they've been having car problems but the kids don't want to do anything about it. Sis says that they just have to learn the hard way on what happens when you ignore car problems.... In my head, I was thinking - yeah, but I will be driving it for these 2 weeks. Now.... I may not even have that car to fall back on.
SIL, also said that they have all these cars in the yard (our yard, not theirs) that needs a part but her kids refuse to spend over $400 to get the part. So, the cars are just sitting there....
Venting here. I just bought a box of 4 40-watt light bulbs. NOT those fluorescent lights that hurts your eyes when reading. It cost me about $13.00-$15.00 to buy it. And within a week, oldest bro of next door asked if he can have 1 bulb. I gave him. Then a day later, he had the nerve to ask for another one. This time, I complained that it cost me $15.00! He didn't get the hint by splitting the cost per bulb. (He likes FREE stuff) I gave him another one. Tonight, they had the nerve to come to the house to ask for another light bulb! This time, I got mad and said how much I spent on it, and now you want me to give a THIRD one?! I Don't Think So!!!
To add to all this, the washing machine is acting up. It got banged up on the last typhoon that threw it off the foundation and knocked it on the side. So, I also need to go hunting for an Outside Washing machine. We had a difficult time finding this one. It seems that they're making washing machines for indoor only - with all those electronic gizmos in it. Gees....
And now, Dad refuses to go to the clinic.
I can't stand my father.....
But, I cannot stand the twisteds! Never want anything to do with them again in my life!
It is human nature to find and see the negative, at least I think so. When you see children playing does this give you joy? And of course that depends on what they are doing and if their play is irritating. I thibnk we find joy in different things and when something in our lives is so overwhelming, like caring for a parent, and ttge longer it goes on, the more negative our feelings towards life in general are going to be. For the most part caregivers, I think are overwhelmed and it takes control of our whole lives. There is no escape for us unless we decide to leave the care situation. And even then, just ask me, the frustration providing care is hard to let go of and will take time. One day at a time.
me? I just wonder if I can return back to some sort of facsimile of myself